A lot. It’s vaulted, and I like the applied texture. It’s not popcorn. It’s actually very nice and interesting and I bet if you stare long enough you could find shapes, like in the clouds, or maybe they are all just dandelions, like the kind you wish on and blow into the wind.
Anyway, I had a mild meltdown yesterday about the propane bill. It might have involved some tears and a slamming door. Because I can be a total baby sometimes. And can’t stand to have the children see me cry over something as stupid as money – so why not just make a smaller, less obvious scene... I knew it was coming and should have had a glass of wine before opening it. Anyway, we’re responsible for the last fill, which I totally get, but we also have to “buy out” the fuel that was already in the tank before we moved in. And it’s a big tank. Grand total $610.32. Crap – it’s not even 2PM yet. Too early? Wine? Oh no, just some whine.
This week I’m grieving the loss of my job, which admittedly, I had the “luxury” of quitting due to, um, creative differences, but it’s still a loss. The snipping of a tether. And I have absolutely no idea how I’ll connect it again, if ever, although I fully assume if God wishes it to be so, it will.
That God. So mysterious is He. At what church will I land? I mean, I really had sort of counted on the Episcopal church continuing to be the awesome place that it has been for us, but contrary to appearances, their kids’ programs are not actually very developed. Little ones are left out, relegated to the nursery, which is an okay place but not very… populated? Where is everyone. So I found a really terrific program at the Methodist church a little further down the street, and the staff there are super-nice and intelligent and welcoming. And the kids seem to like it already. But um, it’s Methodist. To which I say, what about me? I really connect with the Episcopal service. I suspect the Methodist service is not nearly as… ceremonious.
Anyway, blah blah blah. Maybe it’s a trivial distinction or even a trivial problem. I’m sure it is. But I do feel like throwing up until a boot comes out when I think about what we had at the church (beautiful sanctuary, service, youth programs, friends, and more) we left behind. Sadface. I’m not good at this whole “building up a new life” thing. In fact it might be for the birds. Or maybe I can blame the month, or winter. I certainly hope it’s not *cough* 2011.
And I guess mice are cute. But I think I’d have to adopt an extra kitty, for backup. I’mjustsaying.