Good morning. Let me emerge from my insular world and say, thanks for commenting on my blog! You, dear awesome readership- fellow blogcon·nois·seurs that you are. Some good questions: I like questions, it's like being in a seminar class at school, and those were always good times, sure there was that one annoying kid that you tried to shut up or drown out everytime they spoke, but that gave you a chance to work on your snarky asides, erupting one half the classroom in laughter, and the rest, sadly- left out. Yes i am the puppet master, or that funny girl in the corner who probably should be paying more attention. That's a B- for participation. IN my mind the most painful grade I ever got was a B- in Women Studies no less. Yes, I do feel like a tool. Thanks for asking. I shake my head in disbelief everytime I think about it. Like, what didn't I get about "social" theory and women (yikes)... and yet, that class I never quite got. Tested my intelligence and made me rethink my dreams of following Geena Davis into Mensa and the 2004 Olympic Archery Team.
Okay so to the questions:
Letting it go: hahahaha. So NOT easy. We're talking years of possessiveness here and a handful of sundered relationships. It's a pro/con thing here- with me and friendships. I push people with truth and sometimes confront when I should just let it stew. My theory though has always been, if we can't get through this then what kind of friend are they, then it's easier for me to let them go. However, conversely my destructive attitude gets me into trouble bcs of that whole "test of time" nonsense. Why would you send a half- built ship into the ocean. It has to be sea ready first. So there is something to be said for approaching things with time and caution. Bah, that's what I said.
I think after a particularly painful friend breach (she was like a little sister),where in my mind, I actually used the phrase, so be it, you're dead to me... one is reminded that one should not send out emails in a rage, but secondly, I realized how much of an anchor they'd been for me and how much pressure I was putting on them. We're all needy at times, especially when we're not in a place like home. (I was in Chicago and slightly manic.) It dawned on me that, in a universal sense, friends can not be my anchor. In a faith sense, only God should be. No one can bear the weight and responsibility for one person, not even in a marriage. In one sense I became cynical but in another, more philosophical- in that, with each friendship I think, it would be awesome if it lasted forever, but for whatever reason, right now, they're in my life and for however long it blooms I need to learn from it, get what I can from it and have a good time. That's where the letting go part comes in. Easy and painful. Most people have enough trouble with the concept of marriage- bcs love in it's total sense is not so fuzzy and warm. It's fierce and hard, not unlike a battlefield eh? (mmm. Pat Benatar). I mean that it takes actual effort and communication- and who the hell wants to do that when you could be watching the Law/Order CI marathon? Just take it for granted. So part of me understands that people are not where I am when it comes to relationships. I can take Everest and they can only take the flight up to their 2nd story walk-up. It's grace too, and compassion for people who are weaker than you. (Don't get me wrong, no wait, I meant it- I'm being elitist, hahaha do what you will!). So you can look at yourself as a guide, a trainer, a tester, a climber, walker, jogger, treadmillin' whateva... but if someone is trying to pull you off the mountain you might just have to drop your hand.
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Oh also, I had a dream about the BFF necklaces, and because yesterday, I was watching the Law/Order Criminal Intent marathon. It turned into discovering a skeleton of a kid in a grave and this BFF necklace- and uncovering the mystery before it was too late. Also i looked up the def of Voyeur and broadly I'm more of a investigative journalist who sometimes gets threatening letters or death threats from mobsters or terrorists- because when and if i do find out the really tabloid stuff about people, it just adds layers like a tasty 7-layer dip- oh that's how they, oh i get it, no wonder they... tonight on channel 7.
On aside note for danny b ---> did you hear about this, the guy danny martin, with no legs and still plays ball. the rest of us are fuckin' pansies... that includes you Johann.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/multimedia/photo_gallery/2005/09/27/
next week: chiropractic journeys, the naked lady in 24fitness and the odd assets of house sitting.
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