I need to stop eating chocolate chip cookies

And chocolate ice cream, and corn dogs, and chips and salsa. Luckily the brownies are now gone--although I ate all those too. I wonder if I'm having some sort of last-minute free-for-all with the junk food or what. But it sure is tasty.

You can tell we've been in a blog slump, seeing as our sidebar ads are about blogging in general. That's pretty sad. I wonder if I can make them advertise for CORN DOGS if I say it enough.

Corn dogs
corn dogs
corn dogs
how I love
CORN DOGS!

Mwahahaha.

I've been trying to decide what I want to blog about over the last couple of days, but this morning my brain is so scattered, I guess it will be a little bit of everything. I've been home all week, waiting for the child to appear. Doesn't that sound magical? It's not. I spent all day Tuesday trying not to be pissy, but failing, and then realized it was because I was making the mistake of watching the proverbial pot, waiting for it to boil. And you can't do that--it's the most efficient route to insanity, it really is. So I'm trying to do other things, like:

1. Plowing my way through all six seasons of Sex & the City. I'm one ep shy of season 6. I've watched almost every episode, but I did skip a few that I had seen way too recently on TBS, or the ones I just couldn't bear--like the one where Charlotte gets married to Trey, and Aidan and Carrie break up for the first time because she tells him she cheated on him with Big? Can't take it. Then there's an ep where Carrie visits Aidan's cabin upstate, I think she wears some plaid shirt tied at the tummy--I don't really remember, but that ep makes me squirm, too, so I skipped it. I am realizing, the second time watching the seasons all the way through, though, how much I really do love Big. The first time, wasn't so sure they should be together in the end. But they should, I've decided. He's very entertaining.

2. Organizing The Filing Cabinet. The Filing Cabinet deserves a capitalized title, because this is a project I've wanted to do for years. Usually I end up shoving all the "important" mail and miscellaneous papers into a random plastic bag to be sorted...sometime. Like when I move. So I bought the actual cabinet a few months ago, got ripped off by Staples the other day on some file folders (another blog for another time), and then yesterday, attacked. I threw out a lot. I especially enjoyed chucking every little piece of paper and bullshit cheesy-ass reminder of Verizon Wireless, like certificates saying I passed "Initial Wireless," or whatever. A million little papers about the dress code and sexual harassment. It was great. I also fed my paper shredder more food than it's eaten in months, to the point where it was starting to smell funny and cry a little. Mostly it was old checkbooks that I had from five addresses ago, up to this current address. I think I never threw them out because they really did need to be shredded, with the account numbers on them and all, and I just never got around to it. It did occur to me, however, that with so many unused checkbooks, an equivalent action would be taking 2 crisp one-hundred dollar bills and feeding them through the same shredder. That's annoying.

Corn dogs.

3. Making fun of the tragic creature that is Bender. Right now she's lying on the kitchen floor, occasionally sighing because I won't get up and let her inside and outside every five minutes as she would like. Poor Bender.

4. Mentally whining that I can't go to Tom's birthday thing on Friday night. I've already missed one birthday bar get-together this month, and one would think that being the self-proclaimed hermit that I am, I would be grateful in siezing this opportunity with the Ultimate Excuse: nearly nine months pregnant--yeah, I just can't make it out tonight to a smoky bar where everyone's drinking and I'll be maddeningly sober, sorry. But the truth of the matter is that a) I would really like a few drinks. And not some pansy-ass glass of wine, or a beer. I want liquor. A few tequila shots, some rum and cokes. That would be great... and b) in typical Penelope fashion, and in my general antsiness and boredom this week, I have to take it all to the next level of melancholy and mourn the fact that we're all getting older, and I'm moving on to the next phase of adulthood or whatever, having the baby, and even though it doesn't mean we're going to be total hostages in our own home, and even though I'm super-excited to be a mom--wah. I want to turn back the clock a little, just like everyone else.

5. Listing off all the things I'm not going to miss about being pregnant (hopefully): swollen ankles, swollen and rusted up fingers that cannot accomodate a wedding ring, a virtual double chin, not having to think twice before rolling over in bed, ditto for getting into and out the car (ouch), not knowing if the baby's a girl or a boy, not knowing when the hell the baby is coming, and tequila.

But, corn dogs corn dogs corn dogs. I want the ads to be about CORN DOGS!

6. Listing off all the things I'm going to miss about being pregnant: having a low-maintenance, mute baby that I haven't even begun to screw up and can't afford to maintain the way I would like... yeah. That's all I can think of.

7. Trying to let go of the little stuff and failing. Like the bitch at the doctor's office this morning who has to give me a hard time, every time about me wanting to pay more than I owe. Here is our interaction:
Penelope: I switched insurance last month, and after the delivery, I'm going to owe a lot, so I'd like to take care of a little bit at a time.
Bitch Lady: Well then, I would talk to the lady in the insurance office behind you, have you done that yet?
P: YES, three or four times, because that's what you tell me to do every time, and every time the result is the same. She says to pay what I can each time, I tell you the same, hand you my card, and yet you still look at me like I'm retarded.
BL: Well, are you supposed to pay $100 today? That will give you a credit on your account.
P: Um, really, is that what it will do?

NO, THE INSURANCE LADY DIDN'T TELL ME TO PAY A HUNDRED BUCKS TODAY, SHE SAID TO PAY WHAT I CAN EACH TIME, AND THEN AFTER THE DELIVERY WHEN I GET SLAPPED WITH AN OVER $800 BILL, THE BALANCE WON'T BE AS BAD, AND MY PAYMENT PLAN WON'T GO ON AS LONG. NOW, IF YOU COULD JUST GO AHEAD AND YEAH...WIPE THE SUCKING-ON-LEMONS LOOK OFF YOUR FACE AND PROCESS MY F-ING PAYMENT, THAT WOULD BE SUPER, THANKS!!!!

I hate her. Corn dogs.
Okay, I'm done for now. Heehee.