A Very Bad Day

I need to meditate: I had no idea when i was younger that I was so good at meditating. Wandering my garden at night and sitting on a rusted out car was second nature- Food for thought from "Celebrating Spiritual Discipline": meditation is the one thing that can sufficiently redirect our lives so that we can deal with human life successfully-" So you see all the angsty mental working actually kept me from killing myself- it gave me a sense of perspective. Doesn't mean that I don't long to get the hell off this place ASAP. But I do acknowledge it's not up to me. I'm reminded of the scene in the Bible where Jesus is off to pray and he asks his 3 BFF's to sit up and pray with him and they kept falling asleep like jackasses and he's asking his father to take this cup from him and then he goes back and they're still sleeping. And it's pretty clear that there's no way humanity can pull it off- that's the depressing and i suppose relieving part of it, but I digress... there were other things, like chocolate and tree pruning but it was overrided by devastation and a bag of doritos and a hunk of cheese. Tonight I spent an hour trying to send a file to someone over the net and my wireless kept popping on and off and the chat kept telling me i'd tried to sign on too many times- so every few minutes I kept having to try again like sisyphus, but i kept imagining the rock was crushing me in my mind, and that wasn't really positive actualization, but anyway, I finally send the file and they write, T-E-C-H-N-O-L-O-G-Y, and then, I said, "thank God I got it to you before it kicked me off again." Then they said, I better let you go before you sign off, again, and again, and again- and then i said, yah, god, i would talk but i keep getting disconnected."