history channel assessment

In regards to,

the green room... of perpetual uh, non finished... waiting room. re: weight loss and contract sentence ending. What to say what to say?

Hum.  Nothing seems to quite know where to start.

I'll have to get back to you on that.

What else... where did the time go. I really was going to sit down and blog and paint and luxuriate in time. And then there was the volcanic face mask, the copious amounts of oj pops, fruit... the shower, the shaving and now i'm all eh, lets go to bed. I mean it was a different kind of lolling around- and i've resisted going downstairs and getting pringles. Also, I've mentally vowed to return to the hospital after todays failed?ish? attempt... so i can get on with this allergy testing and get on with my list before i leave the island. So close that downward slope. I can't say I quite taste it yet but i'm waiting for it... but wait, more on that later. Which means no yoga or swimming but bus grabbing. If i go early enough i could theoretically suss out the imaginary chiro as well. I'm so boring i feel- everytime i set out to type. The different bits about work and love and all the rest so lost- that i wonder- i think i need to watch the happy clouds and youve got to believe again until i really do- so that i can say it...but who has the time with the recreating and working... until next time.

m.

decreed

the color of futility

I think it’s a very pale shade of green. Yesterday I helped paint the church basement again, and that sucker ain’t ever gonna be finished. Oh sure, it will get done eventually. I realize that. But when you have in your head 2-3 days and at the end of the first day you barely have a first coat on most – not even all! – surfaces, it feels Sisyphean. There is just so. much. area. to paint.

But at least it wasn’t quite as hot/stale/muggy as the first painting escapade, which translated to me not feeling quite so much like death.

And I shopped for children’s church library books today. I feel like we were successful? And that I might understand why there’s no big box bookstore in D-ville? Because everyone just goes to Goodwill. Seriously could have spent the day looking through their books. But after awhile and before that another new-used hole-in-the-wall store that will never survive if they charge everyone as little as they charged us, I was running on vapors and had to quit. Note to self: ALWAYS BRING ALMONDS.

Whatelse. School is going swimmingly for K.Lo. She’s been processing her school days behind a closed bedroom door, playing teacher for hours. Really. It’s the most awesomest thing ever. J.Lo has a nasty cold that he’s trying to pass on to me. I’m waving around bunches of garlic but I’m not sure it’s going to work. I'm also pseudo job hunting again, very specifically for online something or other, for the moment. And it always sends me into a deep spiral about my abilities and inabilities and back to that pale shade of green. But I’ll buoy myself out of it dammit, at least to send in an application or two. RIGHT?

Or something.

Those PBS montages are just epic. Thank you for insisting I watch them finally, as I noted their presence on pinterest awhile ago and told myself to click on them but never did. I can’t even decide which is my fave. Eating, imagination and art. I mean. Let’s just embrace all three shall we. THE STUFF OF LIFE.

Also who wouldn’t embrace a random independence day that is highly symbolic. And go you with your epic weight loss! Someday perhaps you’ll blog more about that. And what you think home will hold, after your sentence contract ends.

I suppose it’s bedtime but I’m feeling noncommittal. I’d really like to usurp – is that really a word and am I using it in the right context – control of the television so I can finally watch ProRun, but I’m allowing the sickie to do some Netflix movie streaming. Which leaves me and my marginally amusing book club read, which no one else in the group has had the time or energy to even start, so the motivation has sort of dissolved very quickly. But we’re meeting at a sushi place on Friday night, so I’m looking forward to that part. Just not the reading part. Maybe I’ll forage for a new book tonight, hmm.

Also, all of my clothes suck, being baggy, or old, or appropriately summery. Basically I am ready to wear jeans. But perhaps I’ll be both ambitious and lucky tomorrow in revamping an old shirt or two to fit correctly. and not hideously. or pale greenly, by which I mean metaphorically, not literally.

that is all. goodnight.

Brown Bears, or Black Bears

Black bears. Obviously.

Last night i went to the Emart and spent too much money on fruit and some imported pesto. Pricey nonsense. I should spend less. And then there was the Bingsu (bing/ksu). Ice, cream, icecream, assorted bits, espresso... you'd think i'd have been up for staying up but it was all too much sugar and there was nothing to download and nothing on tv and i finished that follet novel... Today is liberation day. I think from Japan. Korea is still a bit sore about that whole occupation invasion thing. And i'm happy to capitalize on any liberation day of any country... i think? I won't look into it too deeply except to say thank god. The next one isn't for another 6 wks- by then Matt will be here and we'll be touring around the island. So i have that immense pressure to relax? And try not to think of tomorrow as monday but 2 days to Saturday. Meaghan and i have done some investigating and going out for Bingsu after school has definitely helped to lessen the work day blow/blues...

So today, so far so good- slept. check. ate a good breakfast. swam in the ocean. laid in the sand. floated in the ocean. laid on the sand. and now i'm back. Next strategy is to get lunch, find a coffee shop, go to a movie, go to dinner and call it a day. Or fit the beach back in there again depending. And then there's that going back to the doctor for more allergy testing thing- not today though everything is closed. I have vowed though- one of my first lists has emerged here- nothing tourist related but body related: cheap electrolosis, toe fungus (ew), chiropractor. and the allergans... weight loss is already ticking along. But there was a consequence of all that vaykay eating i was doing a couple weeks ago. I still managed to lose another few lbs though. Go 100-101.5 kgs ish. Because now i'm all --- ooo.

But back to you and blackbears, that church was amazing. I can just imagine the feel of the wood on the pews and walls. Delicious. And that car. Delight. Pure. Delight with those tires. And um yes, please- buried treasure! druglords! and that donkeys chase wolves away from cows!? The what! I love that your learning. Speaking of, I feel my imagination is out to lunch. Where has it gone? I did just watch three inspirational videos- which by the way epic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80ZrUI7RNfI ... i'd almost watch mr.rodgers then bob ross and follow it with julia childs. but whatever order its pretty fantastic. I may have teared up about the happy clouds and trees and the you've got to believe on the bob ross refrain-- and been suddenly made ravenous by the julia remix. Which did i mention EPIC.

Anyway I hope my imagination comes back one day.
Chat you later love. To make up maybe i'll post again tonight (cough). I said maybe.
m.

schrute interruption

so confusing.

the ferm

So I organized this event for church, a trip to one of our members' farms - she (nicest lady EVer) had invited the families, and it was covered dish, and well anyway, did I really organize it? I had a part in it. I'm currently sweating whether or not I was gracious enough and did I help facilitate the event enough, even though I'd never been there and my liaison for the event who is way more familiar with the farm couldn't make it, blah blah. The rational part of my brain is telling me not to worry about all the things I'm not, like the type to be all, hey gang, let's eat! Or the type that is brimming over with honeyed Southern grace and charm and engrained potluck know-how. I'm quietly sweet in my expression of graciousness, right? And I take some cool pictures. It was seriously flippin' gorgeous out there, between the light and the trees and the strong hint of pre-fall air. And the coming together of all of us who made a point to take part. The truck bed rides down to the river and out to a teeny church built in the 1800s, complete with a balcony for slaves. And learning that donkeys chase coyotes away from cows. And that the land, all 600 some acres of it, was bought on foreclosure after it was seized from druglords or some such. And there's likely money hidden somewhere on the property. And oh look, that barn was built out of telephone poles. Honestly it was kind of randomly magical, which is my favorite thing in the world So shut up, socially neurotic mind. Because you have to go to bed soon and get up for THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. Here are some pictures of the adventuring for you friend. xo

Hello,

to you on my Sunday and your Saturday, but now sunday morning to my monday morning... I'm eating a oj popsicle and half watching transformers? something? It's pretty awful. But I'm all clean and sparkly from my shower and the beach sand is mostly off me. I had a piece of pizza and fried chicken. Mwah. I felt pretty ill after but i think it's because the food is patently unhealthy and i'm sure my joints will flare but... I suppose i just needed to be reckless and remember then yet another reason why to say no to some things. But there was night swimming in the ocean and the beach lit up and they brought it all to us on the sand, so I had to wait for it, trying to capture something of the moment and of the summer. There was a man with a guitar on a distant deck of a restaurant, and people were setting off fireworks. A woman was searching for her son, and there were announcements about not drinking and swimming and i swear something about heartburn or a heartattack? i can't be sure. But i'm tired so i'm going to finish this tomorrow... am i... i must. There's something about you and that lawn mower- and spiedies. I remember. HOw did that go?

I got a ride home and am trying not to dread tomorrow. I still didn't go grocery shopping. And that crick in my back that's causing my leg to be all prickly and numb seems to be getting worse? All the standing i suppose? bending? hunching? I dont know. I've really got to find a chiro. Anyway i really should go to bed. Sleep itself is an unfathomable adventure. When i woke up this a.m. it was like my eyes were tuning back into this reality- complete with geometric designs and colors clearing before my eyes- as if dialing back into a different way of seeing. My heart was racing and i really did feel i was snapping myself awake with fingers as if coming back from a trance... from something unpleasant. A man looking in my direction wearing all black.... and something else too but that's all i remember.

MOre on the grass and humanity when i'm conscious.
m.

oh the humanity

Aren’t we humans cute? It’s like that insurance commercial with the montage of stupid things human beings do in cars by virtue of our infallibility. It makes me laugh and sears my heart at the same time. Because it seems like we are collectively agreed that we aren’t, actually, imperfect. Or that over time humanity improves on its imperfection with, you know, its intelligence, its technology, its “knowing better” and its having learned from history. Which is simply another facet of that imperfection, the short-sightedness.

We are so hilarious!

Someone painted patches of our white church basement ceiling green earlier this week. Oops. And today I watched three men gouge two holes in the wall while moving, or rather lodging, a boxspring up a staircase. It was there for three. hours. Fabric was ripped, slats were broken. Heads hung in defeat. And then the landlord popped by and helped get it upstairs in two minutes flat. And then in the evening I mowed the lawn, and it’s been so long since I last mowed that section, and the grass is heavy and wet like the summer air, and I was so determined to Get It Done Right Then, the mower cut off from a clog for the first time all year. So J.Lo raised the wheels and I was on my way, until WHOOPS! ran over the culvert. Shredded the culvert. Completely foo-barred the mower blade till the machine rattled and shook and J.Lo waved his arms to STOP MOWING FOR GOD’S SAKE.

So my children will eventually wound themselves on the shredded culvert – it’s inevitable, no? even though the mangle has been somewhat pounded into place. And J.Lo’s out looking for a replacement blade (fast-forward to the next morning) and we are crossing our fingers the shaft isn’t foo-barred, too, because then we’ll need a whole new mower. Which ain’t in the monthly budget. And meanwhile, the lawn still is unmowed.

Also, I’ve been epically overscheduled. I think there’s eventually an end in sight? In theory? But for now we soldier on. I haven’t watched ProRun yet so no spoilers pleeease.

Saturday is Spiedie Fest. Wish me luck in all things. But mostly the mower situation over the cookoff.

love to you in jeju

pen