Friday, January 17, 2014

The We,

I think that's why I suggested we stop blogging. I'm trying to release you from something I feel is an unpleasant burden and a key of a sort of resentment. Though you rally. Why keep insisting when you have no heart for it? And when I stopped doing that a few months ago, my very posts are the reminder, and the herald of unansweredness. I want to let you go from that. Please let me, let you go. And you can come back when and if you're ever ready. Let this be the last letter.

1. I remember when you first got Bender before I'd visited you off that Shelley Road and what a big deal it was to have taken that leap against certain outside objections, and gotten her and entered petdom in all its beautiful and painful glory. I remember meeting Scott just 3 weeks after you two met, and his friend Mike as I helped you move from out of that one Apartment to this new one.... your glassware, receipts, the strange black grit that coated everything. And the moss that hung from the trees in all its southerness. And feeling very clearly like I was your lady in waiting. Already how together you two seemed to be.

Dear sweet Bender. Now with a Bailey. I hope in her last days, her aging, as we are all dying, though she nears it close, be filled with love and peace. And care and patience. This is your first pet. She is and will always be a big deal. And she is beautiful.

2. I feel the same way about Clif Bars. And wish I didn't have so many good things to snack on at my fingertips sans away workplace. Must walk.

3. I watched the end of ProRun on Hu/u. And was like, hmm. Eh. Ok. I have avoided Downton. As the operatic highs and lows, i cannot take. Though I have finally set to watching all of Parks+Rec.

4. I haven't used my credit card in about 10months. Shoes are falling apart. Clothes are being pushed to the edge, but I'm doing it- with my mom's help of course. But trying to live in some very narrow parameters while I move my parents and myself, while I am in this particular space. And it is a newer non-fatalistic, taking for myself, and palms open up to what God might have in this. We shall see.

5. my mom did a listening prayer for you:

I got the same image of a gift to her, white small box with lavender ribbon that is a symbol of her being loved and deserving of good things.



Daniel Bruckner said...

This is quite a turn of events. Who knew all this was going on while I was off in Hawaii? My goodness. Well, I guess that's that. I always knew I'd outlast the both of you.

Old reader said...

This was one of the greatest blogs.

schu said...

thank you kind reader.

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