the source of my guilt--eureka!

Now I know exactly where it came from--the Island of Misfit Toys! As discussed in the Weird 6, I used to feel very guilty as a child about stuffed animals, like if I ever left one out of the goings-on, or if I ever considered giving one away? The feeling would haunt me in my dreams. Still to this day I have a monkey named Ben in my closet with scratched eyes and a cotton-bleeding torso, as well as Ziggy and Zaggy, the space creatures that are so worn they have furless patches and limp litle arms. And I just know if I sent them off into the world of donations, they would be chucked. I would feel forever sad.

Anyway--I swear it all came from the Island of Misfit Toys. The Rudolph special, which I love with all of my heart, essentially confirmed my deepest childhood suspicions that toys have feelings. And if you don't love them, they sit around and cry, absolutely heartbroken. My favorite character in all of Rudolphland was and continues to be the Charlie-in-the-box. Because no child wants to play with a Charlie-in-the-Box! he says, grief-stricken. I always felt like I could relate, too, to the Island's inhabitants, like that little something about me that us *off* deterred the masses from thinking I was special. It's why I'll never be famous--I'm a misfit, forever and ever, though at least by now I know to be proud.

can't wait

This chilly Friday evening, while J.Lo is freezing his arse off at volleyball, I will be settling down to watch an old favorite show, Popular. Did anyone else watch Popular? It was on in 1999 and lasted for 2 seasons, another brilliant but cancelled series, this one about high school cliques. The show was created by Ryan Murphy, and maybe it's this current season of Nip/Tuck--which is not that great, relatively--that made me nostalgic all of a sudden for the off-the-wall world of Kennedy High. It was completely snarky, envelope-pushing, etc, in the manner of N/T, but obviously not so dark... no one's kidneys were stolen, anyway. I've Netflixed the first CD of the first season and plan to make my way through the entire series, despite that I hate to relive the disappointment of its premature end. I really hope it's as good as I remember it.

retail do'

the list will most likely expand but here's some top don'ts when you yourself enter or shop at a national retail/book/store/chain/place of business...

DON'T:

• don't ask, "do you work here?" (when a name tag and or walkie talkie system is strapped to said individual. obvi, i do... otherwise i'd be quickly walking away from you with a grimace. and now you're just wasting my time.)
• don't say, but "it's really popular?!" or "he's really famous, he did all the..."(like hello, i haven't heard of everything in the world, thanks for making me feel like 1. i don't know everything and have thus failed at my job 2. you know more than i do which hello, you don't.)
• don't steal. i mean sure a little klepto problem when you're a kid, okay... but do you have to continue to make a ghetto living at it with your bulky coats and gym bags and bringing your nasty thievery into the kids section... where apparently all the vil people go to try to get away with anything from theft to reading porn.
• don't chew, smack, slurp while within a foot of my ear, and asking me to search something for you. you think this would be obvious but at least twice a day this grotesque display is being perpetrated on people i know and myself... i should not be able to smell the gum you are chewing nor look to see that you have in fact finished your ice-blended mocha. assholes.
• don't ask me to do all your research for you. it's called the internet. if you don't have a title maybe look up a few before calling or coming in. laaaazy.
• don't call me asking for multiple titles ... you might as well ask amazon- we own them anyway.
• don't nest in the section- leaving your crumpled up napkins, empty cups and various magazines, books... especially in the section they don't belong. you... you... scourge of society!

ciao for now, and be good to the suckers (myself included) making minimum wage.

THE SHOW IS FIXED!!!

whatever melrose's issues are... okay, she needs to relax but come on!! how did she lose over caridee?! fucking ridiculous. fucking-ridiculous... i may have to stop watching in protest. clearly there's a trend of insanity here and bad executive producer decision making. suck-S. i mean seriously... horrible. how?

my tree! (and my bug.)

They make me happy.

common sense rebel

Despite many warnings in both the media and the blogosphere, and despite several posts in the past containing back-and-forth "must drink water" mentions between m and I (which I'm too lazy to locate in the archives at the moment), I continue daily to not drink enough water. Or even liquids in general. There was a time, I feel it was right before I became pregnant with K.Lo? I drank 64 ounces of water, or the proverbial 8 glasses, a day. It was easy to do, as I filled up a 24-oz marked plastic container 3 times. I still have the container and could do the same now. But will I? No, no I will not. And I never felt better than when I was drinking all that water. You eat less, when you drink a bunch of water. And sure, you pee more, but what's wrong with peeing. And most importantly, you feel hyrdrated. You feel good.

It's that time of year where it feels kind of dry anyway, because it's cold out (yay finally!), and inside, the heat is on. And despite the use of various hand lotions, body lotions, and chapsticks, I feel I may crumble sometimes into a little dusty heap. I especially dislike the feeling of dry hands, and chapped lips. It's yucky. So why every morning do I tell myself that by the end of the day, I will have caught up on my water intake, I will make the effort to do what is clearly the healthiest for a human body, and then I don't.

When I was pregnant--a time where it's even more important than usual to hydrate--I all of a sudden was revulsed by water and it's non-flavor. What are you going to do. But now I'm fine with water. Water is pretty, it's tasty, and also very conveniently dispensed on the face of our fridge. What the hell is the deal then? In the meantime, I'll be checking the mirror periodically to make sure my lips are still there, as presently I cannot feel them.

yah-but. no-but.

it finally happened. no, not that. chirstmas. i feel it. why i feel it necessary to feel christmas i know not. but its like embracing the seasons. also it's sentimental. which i have issues with. i really need to investigate the idea of sentiment and why i'm so against it but i am. but just not an hour ago as i was thinking of things to put on my retail do's and don'ts blog i was making ginger-bread ornaments and while emptying the 1/4 part crisco into the bowl with the 1/2 packed brownsugar, my lips contured into something like a smile, more a side smile, with the left having the more dominant upward trend. but there it was, that feeling nonetheless. it helped that tony bennet was singing some christmas song that wasn't longing for new york or snow... and the making of the merry ornament men (and possibly small hearts) but ingredients don't a feeling make- somehow they mixed though- possibly bcs of the inhalation of ground cinammon and cloves but whatever it was... here it resides.

curio

it's unday morning and i'm watching a rerun of "Road Trip" on tbs.(may i say i hate loud smacking lip sounds on movies). things on the docket today are church and christmas decorations. a few curious things have happened to me since my last post- i had a cd literally fly out the window. granted i was on the freeway with the windows down, sort of that carefree ambivilance of youth and disregard for deafness and tangled hair, and then before you know it my 'best of maria callas' (opera singer) is rolling out of its slot and out it goes- the fuck!? and then yesterday i literally moved a ton of mulch. and it didn't cover my entire yard. which means bcs of my OCD that i must again demand we go to the mulch facility so that the yard will be covered like a steamy volcanic winter. but it's so essential. and how can you beat paying $14.62 for a ton of mulch. anyway in other news is: my debt and my job... both of which you'd think are heading for disaster but are, in reality, finding themselves livable even if not remotely flourishable?.. i've been in a low-grade compartmentalized panic about my impending student loans. i've run out of the 'economic hardship' option which i strung along for 3 years, thinking surely in that span of time i'd have a job that would have me well on my way to making that $60,000 seem a small amount. but no. so after staring blankly for a while i thought if not defer, clearly i'm in the 'forbear' category. and i spent another month avoiding that reality and sort of calmly looking at that $714 a month payment as something that i just couldn't do. but not that i didn't want to. i finally read the paperwork to find that i'm now eligible for debt-burden forbearance, hoping that in the next 3 years my economic situation will improve... right. and i can afford making payments and everything will be just fine.

and as for the job the check is painful but things are going along just fine. which makes me think i've compartmentalized that too so that i can tolerate it. that or i'm on my way to becoming a happier calmer person. mweh. who knows.

things i've got to do:
mulch
paint
xmas decs
presents?
istock
etsy
exercise
read
return shoes?
go to trader joes
minutae
learn french.

fantastic

I'm speechless. What is there to say, really? You can buy the tree!!!

goodbye, i'll miss you...

So last night on Survivor, Candice got the axe. I don't know why I even particularly like Candice, or why I think her and Adam together are cute, but I do. I felt sorry for her every time she was sent to Exile by the scorned Aitu, and by the fourth time, when Becky sent her in the middle of the auction, I felt I would have done exactly what Candice did: cry like a little girl. Anyway, though part of me hoped there was some possible way for the Parvati-Adam-Candice alliance to avoid being eaten up by the now-triumphant Aitu's, I think we all knew there was no avoiding it. That whole "Jonathan is Obnoxious" campaign, while valiant and possibly of consequence, seemed to be showcased merely for editing's sake. They have to make it look like someone else besides the poor sap on the chopping block actually has a chance of going home. Dramatic tension and all. Which is fine... But what about Yul revealing at the auction that he has the hidden immunity idol? I like Yul, I think he's a fine guy, a good person, likable, hard-worker, etc. And he's got strategy and game, no doubt. But I'd rather have seen him hold his cards tighter to his chest on this one. Though I enjoyed seeing the look on Parvati's face when Yul basically confirmed all Jonathan was telling her earlier--Yul has the immunity idol, and the vote for him last tribal council would have fallen back on me--I think it was kind of unwise. Yul has shown himself to be calling the shots with the Aitu's for some time now, and maybe the other 3 (plus Jonathan) have it in the back of their mind that when it gets down to the finals, Yul's gotta go, and quick, hidden immunity idol or no. Like, vote for him already and knock him down a few pegs. Make him play that powerful hand before it becomes the Yul parade, where everyone's sole purpose will be to just usher the guy into the top 2, and without a doubt, the mil. Why else bother going on Survivor, if you're not going to try like hell to get the cash. Although, maybe the other Aitu's are smarter than the editing crew is letting on, just yet. I hope so, not just for the players' sakes, but for the rest of the season's sake. It's soooo boring when there are no coups.

By the way, now that we know more about her, how weird is it that Parvati in real life is a boxer?

In other reality tv news, the other twin, Amanda, was sent home from Spain this week, and I am sad. I loved the twins. I wanted the twins to win. I wanted there to be an ANTM first where they picked two winners, and the twins would be them. I think they were a little too young, Amanda in particular a little too tentative. But I looooved their photos. I also just loved watching the whole twin dynamic play out. Now we're left with Melrose, whom I still kind of love, but who is starting to look slightly crack-addicted in her megawatt enthusiasm. Eugena's personality is coming out more, and as a character she's more likable now instead of just *blah*, but looking back at her portfolio, not so much impressed. And Caridee, I can forgive your mortifying faux pas with Nigel, the whole stick up his ass comment, because we all make mistakes, and yours being on national TV had to especially smart, but... eh. I can't get a handle on Caridee. And without the twins, I'm frankly just not that invested anymore in the winner. Whoever wins is fine with me, but I'll be about as jazzed as when Danielle--er, "Dani"--won last season. I still think Joanie got the shaft.