So I left you somewhere on day 30/29ish. And a record number of days have passed with no mutual harassment of you should be blogging. I have some sort of sinus headache and a full week awaits me. I have the mild heartache of someone who is leaving all her loves behind, but just vaguely and mostly unaware of the cost. Except it's loss. And love. And a nagging sense of things to do.
I feel of course I must compulsoraily recount the days since.
Somewhere in there the new year rang in. There was the hiking in joelmul on Saturday. I wore my stripped socks. It was unseasonably warm and the snow was melting. We came right under passable for the wander Yeasl and i wanted to take. But somehow we only managed 3.5 hours, my legs felt it though. It was, I recall now, I wanted to see if the coffee farm was open near my house. To go of course. Since in all the days I hadn't yet. But it ended up instead to be a sit down, get a delicious sample, be fed mandarins and cookies and wait for the handdrip handroasted 2 shot/cap awesomeness humming and buzzing and then get on the bus and get gone sort of affair. So we had to take in the experience before we wandered across the upper base of halla-san into cedar forested scenicness. That day I felt i was a pheasant- black, irredescence against a silvered, metaled, glittery forest. Mysterious and luminous. From there we had beef bbq and coffee and we played supermariobrothers and mariokart at the multi-bang.
Then the next day a group lunch, more multi-bang, i think really good coffee to go and snow flurries- and indian food at a place called the raj mahal. There was a little group discontent as s ran off with c into the snow after certain members were chastised for their lack of community- so we all found it rather inappropriate and hypocritical. And well- careless really. But nevermind. That night I was a bright red phoenix in a black laquered and carved room. To which c replied, good luck with that" as he ate his samosa and i glared at him while picking the tandoori spice from under my nail.
I got home much too late and it was only a blurry day break before I was going to meet the group for new years eve dessert and go home at a decent hour but then i was carried away into a couple dart games with coworker james- the worst i'd ever played in my life- but we won't talk about it, and then cajoling sjt to come and suddenly we ended up eating more beef bbq and not until 11 seeing the rest of the group at the substandard but ambience rich coffee and dessert place where we found out harris and craig were going to be live on the radio for new years- so of course we ran on over- james realized in a flash after a lot of english glibness and sarcasm that we were serious and this was a real radio station- he backed out of the door and was like, "i don't belong here" and we lost him into the night. C on a whim felt he needed to be amidst something as the clock ticked, which is the only reason why sjt, jenna and myself found ourselves horrifically surrounded by drunk and obnoxious foreigners at a place called "the factory". We stayed a full minute and waited downstairs for the boys. Sjt felt she could've escaped but i felt as I had in the early days of my island life, inexplicably pulled into the H, C, J orbit and couldn't detach myself from them even if i had really wanted to/tried. Which is why after armed linked wandering across sichong/cityhall and into a cafe bene for a 2shot something and some random dance off did we find ourselves belting out into the universe for 3 hours at a noraebang. Which in itself wonderous and awesome. I almost had them running off to the sunrise for new years since we were already up so late- then sjt and jenna came home with me. i should've now that i think about it. Because it wouldve been epic and perilous and it wouldve paid off. But I didn't.
I didn't push it.
I should've pushed it.
I regret it. But i was asleep by 5amish and 5something hours later awake for brunch. Awake for coffee. Awake for a trek to seongsan for the sunset- it was a curious thing. We made it to the top- and it was one of those mild post-apocalyptic sunsets where it's all grey and orange- like an industrial revolution over london town- and the sun doesn't set, it's just suddenly erased and blotted out as if it never was- dickens bleak i think. but the new years is already setting out to be that yin/yangish of the good and the bad. I bought cookies and water. I was with friends but at a horrible bar. I was up all night singing just short of brilliant. I made the trek to the eastern end of the island but the sunset was only so so- still... i feel the year bodes well overall ? I dont know. Hard to say when i only see a blankspace. Anyway,
It took me 3 days to recover only to do it all over again for my trip down to seogwipo- a place i never got to know really. An hour 1/2 too long away which has warmer weather and more sunshine and less grey. To see the pillars. To walk the trail. To take the group photos. To share roasted potatos with craig. To yell at sjt. To tell everyone we shouldve bought more mandarins. To complain about stopping. To once again find myself at a table with the roaming church eating a delicious chicken dish and inexplicably after a too milky cap and a chocolaty wonder thing from paris baguette- at the noraebang for another marathon singing session. And a late night drive home thankfully thanks to c listening to bon iver and staring out into the dark black island. We got back to shin and sjt and s were both like you can't stay at my house! I was a bit horrified. I wasn't in the mood to cab it. And my dear yeasl opened her home and there i stayed with a kindred hospitable spirit. until church the next day.
C stood up to say goodbye and I almost cried at my own leaving. The sermon was awful and i asked God to give me mercy for the torrent that was coming up against my ears. I drew a tattoo on my hand and waited it out. We ate pizza and salad again, with the group to end all groups- the last 2 weekend being really standouts for group unity compared to our normal factions- and then what- coffee! we had to check in and see about our random act of kindness and how it went over- it seemed underwhelming at first- but i think it was received well- free coffee to the next woman in line. And then we sat and chatted at another horrible coffee place that yeasl, sjt and me abstained from. I held juans hands in mine- they were cold. I talked to emily and she shared her coveted US chocolate with me. And then...
Yes. We went sledding.
We raced. We laughed. Our faces glowed. It was FUN.
Then we caught the bus back to town for dakgalbi and a mulitbang cooldown of excess, and c's goodbye hug to me about the mothering and love i extend to everyone which just reminded me of the absence of that love which floats out and dissipates- and then home. I frankly don't know how i'm still conscious. It's admittedly a bit hard- and i have a hot shower awaiting me. I want to say more about the sledding- and the jokes about how i hold everyones hands because mine are always warm. And how it's just an excuse. Which it is. And not. And entendres about my dreamy backpacker.
But there's a drying volcanic mudpack on my face and my neck is tight and i need a hot shower 1 hour ago. I dreamed i wrote a blood oath with sg's daughter (WTF), autumn has shingles, trying to visit VA has become a disaster my mind can't handle, I have to finish planning my SEA trip, and there's all these floating things i can't hold or write down or process because i'm going too FAST. Let alone the last day of christmas and Epiphany. Christ come. And now with expectancy we WAIT. We hold Him fast. He is with us. But I am screaming against the wind. And i hope at least the last four days will calm the beating in my ears.
m-
I feel of course I must compulsoraily recount the days since.
Somewhere in there the new year rang in. There was the hiking in joelmul on Saturday. I wore my stripped socks. It was unseasonably warm and the snow was melting. We came right under passable for the wander Yeasl and i wanted to take. But somehow we only managed 3.5 hours, my legs felt it though. It was, I recall now, I wanted to see if the coffee farm was open near my house. To go of course. Since in all the days I hadn't yet. But it ended up instead to be a sit down, get a delicious sample, be fed mandarins and cookies and wait for the handdrip handroasted 2 shot/cap awesomeness humming and buzzing and then get on the bus and get gone sort of affair. So we had to take in the experience before we wandered across the upper base of halla-san into cedar forested scenicness. That day I felt i was a pheasant- black, irredescence against a silvered, metaled, glittery forest. Mysterious and luminous. From there we had beef bbq and coffee and we played supermariobrothers and mariokart at the multi-bang.
Then the next day a group lunch, more multi-bang, i think really good coffee to go and snow flurries- and indian food at a place called the raj mahal. There was a little group discontent as s ran off with c into the snow after certain members were chastised for their lack of community- so we all found it rather inappropriate and hypocritical. And well- careless really. But nevermind. That night I was a bright red phoenix in a black laquered and carved room. To which c replied, good luck with that" as he ate his samosa and i glared at him while picking the tandoori spice from under my nail.
I got home much too late and it was only a blurry day break before I was going to meet the group for new years eve dessert and go home at a decent hour but then i was carried away into a couple dart games with coworker james- the worst i'd ever played in my life- but we won't talk about it, and then cajoling sjt to come and suddenly we ended up eating more beef bbq and not until 11 seeing the rest of the group at the substandard but ambience rich coffee and dessert place where we found out harris and craig were going to be live on the radio for new years- so of course we ran on over- james realized in a flash after a lot of english glibness and sarcasm that we were serious and this was a real radio station- he backed out of the door and was like, "i don't belong here" and we lost him into the night. C on a whim felt he needed to be amidst something as the clock ticked, which is the only reason why sjt, jenna and myself found ourselves horrifically surrounded by drunk and obnoxious foreigners at a place called "the factory". We stayed a full minute and waited downstairs for the boys. Sjt felt she could've escaped but i felt as I had in the early days of my island life, inexplicably pulled into the H, C, J orbit and couldn't detach myself from them even if i had really wanted to/tried. Which is why after armed linked wandering across sichong/cityhall and into a cafe bene for a 2shot something and some random dance off did we find ourselves belting out into the universe for 3 hours at a noraebang. Which in itself wonderous and awesome. I almost had them running off to the sunrise for new years since we were already up so late- then sjt and jenna came home with me. i should've now that i think about it. Because it wouldve been epic and perilous and it wouldve paid off. But I didn't.
I didn't push it.
I should've pushed it.
I regret it. But i was asleep by 5amish and 5something hours later awake for brunch. Awake for coffee. Awake for a trek to seongsan for the sunset- it was a curious thing. We made it to the top- and it was one of those mild post-apocalyptic sunsets where it's all grey and orange- like an industrial revolution over london town- and the sun doesn't set, it's just suddenly erased and blotted out as if it never was- dickens bleak i think. but the new years is already setting out to be that yin/yangish of the good and the bad. I bought cookies and water. I was with friends but at a horrible bar. I was up all night singing just short of brilliant. I made the trek to the eastern end of the island but the sunset was only so so- still... i feel the year bodes well overall ? I dont know. Hard to say when i only see a blankspace. Anyway,
It took me 3 days to recover only to do it all over again for my trip down to seogwipo- a place i never got to know really. An hour 1/2 too long away which has warmer weather and more sunshine and less grey. To see the pillars. To walk the trail. To take the group photos. To share roasted potatos with craig. To yell at sjt. To tell everyone we shouldve bought more mandarins. To complain about stopping. To once again find myself at a table with the roaming church eating a delicious chicken dish and inexplicably after a too milky cap and a chocolaty wonder thing from paris baguette- at the noraebang for another marathon singing session. And a late night drive home thankfully thanks to c listening to bon iver and staring out into the dark black island. We got back to shin and sjt and s were both like you can't stay at my house! I was a bit horrified. I wasn't in the mood to cab it. And my dear yeasl opened her home and there i stayed with a kindred hospitable spirit. until church the next day.
C stood up to say goodbye and I almost cried at my own leaving. The sermon was awful and i asked God to give me mercy for the torrent that was coming up against my ears. I drew a tattoo on my hand and waited it out. We ate pizza and salad again, with the group to end all groups- the last 2 weekend being really standouts for group unity compared to our normal factions- and then what- coffee! we had to check in and see about our random act of kindness and how it went over- it seemed underwhelming at first- but i think it was received well- free coffee to the next woman in line. And then we sat and chatted at another horrible coffee place that yeasl, sjt and me abstained from. I held juans hands in mine- they were cold. I talked to emily and she shared her coveted US chocolate with me. And then...
Yes. We went sledding.
We raced. We laughed. Our faces glowed. It was FUN.
Then we caught the bus back to town for dakgalbi and a mulitbang cooldown of excess, and c's goodbye hug to me about the mothering and love i extend to everyone which just reminded me of the absence of that love which floats out and dissipates- and then home. I frankly don't know how i'm still conscious. It's admittedly a bit hard- and i have a hot shower awaiting me. I want to say more about the sledding- and the jokes about how i hold everyones hands because mine are always warm. And how it's just an excuse. Which it is. And not. And entendres about my dreamy backpacker.
But there's a drying volcanic mudpack on my face and my neck is tight and i need a hot shower 1 hour ago. I dreamed i wrote a blood oath with sg's daughter (WTF), autumn has shingles, trying to visit VA has become a disaster my mind can't handle, I have to finish planning my SEA trip, and there's all these floating things i can't hold or write down or process because i'm going too FAST. Let alone the last day of christmas and Epiphany. Christ come. And now with expectancy we WAIT. We hold Him fast. He is with us. But I am screaming against the wind. And i hope at least the last four days will calm the beating in my ears.
m-
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