here-i-am

See I would have cheated when posting all those epic adventures, splitting them up into 4 days' worth of posts and backdating them...but then we'd only be fooling ourselves, I suppose. But the number count would be all higher and then you could be like, nyah-nyah, Penelope, I posted waaaaay more than you!

What is the nature of the disaster that your mind can't handle? This scary-sad phrasing did not escape my attention. Perhaps a convo between Jeju and VA? Because just then my stomach plummeted.

I'm in awe of your farmhouse coffee-going and noraebang-ing and sledding! especially. All these friendships forged - do all of these lovely co-expats work at the same school as you? Will you return to them one day, or is it a magical moment in time.

Meanwhile I've eschewed new year's resolutions as per recent years but then it's dawned on me the past few days that perhaps I'm in a funk and should resolve some-things if not for the sake of the new year but to uh, buoy myself up a bit. Like cook more - observe wittily more - be mindful of actual joy, rather than guarding myself against it. The usual strategies, maybe. Oh and get back on Twitter and Pinterest not only to stay marginally mindful of the news but to be inspired more. About ideas and projects and things. And to never stop taking pictures. And to not devalue or discount my art, as it seems I readily do. To adorn the porches with plants. And water them.
The list is longer but at that point I get tired and cognizant of its too-muchness, so I'll stop. It's that balance between being over-excited/burning out with the frenetic energy of it all and retaining some level of yes, I am actually excited about xyz. Some sense of moving-forward, or purpose, of it-matters, and quelling the thoughts of well-we're-all-just-going-to-die-so-why. Because sometimes that takes over, it's true.

In accordance with the need to brighten up the days, I learned a new crochet pattern, sort of miraculously - have you ever read such instructions? Insanity. And anyway here is the start of a new blanket of rainbows. 'Til tomorrow or the next day -