penanigans

WHY DO I BREAK EVERYTHING?

Or more vexingly, why is everything breakable? Dammit. WHY CAN’T ANYTHING BE PERFECT?

We all know I broke the lawn mower like three weeks ago by running over the culvert. Still not fixed. Never going to be fixed. The lawn? still growing at an alarming rate. The blade replacement didn’t work, at least not enough for the thing to refrain from shuddering to a stop at random intervals. Not to mention I can’t start it up by myself anymore. So yeah. Busted. And the budget for a new, comparable self-propelled mower is not in fact upwards of $350 like the retail world wants us to spend. More like…$150? At best? So wish me luck today as I have my eye on a used one at a place where they fix lawn mowers (not ours. as mentioned: UNfixable). And maybe it will be awesome and priced right and I shall claim victory! Or at least land us back on mowed ground.

Also, I broke the vacuum cleaner the other day, almost. It just stopped sucking, out of nowhere! And it wasn’t the belt, which I looked at briefly, determined to be in fine shape, and then knocked off its place so that didn’t run right either for awhile. Later on, a world-weary J.Lo dislodged ten tons of furball and a pencil from the attachment hose. Seriously, a pencil! I have NO idea who vacuumed up a pencil without notice, but it couldn’t have been me. Oh wait it was.

And then last night while giving J.Lo a haircut, I pulled off the clippers’ blade guard and somehow broke that? Just a tiny rung of plastic, split, rendering the whole damn thing useless. I mean I guess we’re lucky I didn’t break his HAIR, or something. Because I can’t find a replacement for that on ebay. But I did find a guard this morning, thank heaven. Just under $10 shipped, which I feel is a bit extravagant considering the clearly fallible material at hand, and the fact that it probably cost 2 cents to make in China (not that that’s okay), but ebay can smell your desperation and will exploit it accordingly.

But maybe I’ve found my calling! Breaking things. Need something broken in stupid, epic fashion? Call Penanigans. At your service. With a perplexed but earnest smile.