Thursday, September 13, 2012

Fries with that

babe. internet at home- out. went to yoger. their wireless is out. i dont know if they know. but now i've at least got the girl to fix the connection on their wired server whatevers. and its not the normal girl. but she made the latte just right. and strangely enough i was going to sit down and write postcards but am now here chattering anyway... bcs yah it's been a while, and i've been carrying them as a todo project for at least a month... but um, you've like never sent one to me. so it's totes onesided is all i'm saying. (ahem)

the stress thing... shoulders to neck thing. i dont know. it's teaching. it's work here. the whole thing i find stresses me out. so it's hard to say like i said whether or not it's just that i haven't or won't ever relax while teaching kiddos, a constant outofmydepth or feeling a constant stream of oh god, too much too much. emotionally i feel ok this last couple weeks despite, and i should take the doctors advice. so maybe some noraebang tonight... i say that and yet. anyway and it's the other M leaving followed as you say after Julia. And the ok take this class, here meet these new students, learn these new names, and the mood shifts and all of that- it's shallow breathing since i've been here. It's almost now that i think about it a constant allergic reaction whereas before i used to feel the anxiety really presently on my chest and wake up with dread and now my body is just constantly sighing. so not sure which is worse. i think the dread was worse. now at least lately i'm showing up and bearing up under the weight. the only other thing i can think of is the schedule itself and how my body is having to continue to radically adjust to the tyranny of time and clock watching.

prayer has really helped  the last couple times i've felt the sinking weight- autumn prayed for me then just a week or so ago cathy prayed for me and i feel stuff break off- fatigue from nowhere, despair- all of that stuff interfering with how i love... loving God, loving the kids. as i said, i think, to practice on God first is best because He's a safe place to try all the things corinthians 13 talks about. and by association in loving God i can love myself and others. I'm not sure i could the other way around. For instance i was talking to Kerry and i finally said, you're so good at loving others. You need to love yourself... and then i thought- well what's helping me is really examining how to love God... what is it to be kind to God, give him the benefit of the doubt, trust, hope, be patient and kind to Him... i like it. Anyway. so i said, love God first- try not keeping a record of wrongs, or boasting before Him before you try to love yourself.

It's raining lightly- sidenote yesterday i was like huh i really thought it wasn't going to rain that much and there it was raining and i thought for sure i'd be soaked by the time i left yoger and headed up the hill... so i went into daiso ( a dollar store) and bought a pricy 5,000 w umbrella and i opened it up and the handle is like only a foot long!? and it stopped raining literally 1minute later. Lame.

Ok maybe postcardsnow... .follow questions?
also agree re: typhoon.

much love, m.

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