Dear Penelope, by M

I almost didn't respond to this in time because I was too busy tending to MY imaginary farm. I think if I can make it to level 30 I can lay off a bit. But once you hit level 25, my it takes forever. Sure before that you're just sailing from one level to the next, collecting friends and various fruit trees then BAM! your stuck. No amount of pepper and pineapple harvesting advances you. So you just wait for the day you can put in that river and buy the new farm house and you finally get there but you still can't buy red crocus flowers or plant blueberries and you get so bored and you have so much money you just start sticking waterwells everywhere and buying llamas. There is always something. That's the thing.

Yesterday in the middle of watching x-files my wheel popped off my chair so i figured out how to remove all of them to even it out- the side benefit of this arrangement was removing about 9 years of hair and lint that came off like perfectly round coils. Makes me grateful for the roommate I had, as unhappy as she was, because her dad worked for a chair manufacturing place and at first they were going to give me this little secretary chair, and I felt like an ungrateful asshole when i said, sorry, it wouldn't work- but really, pen, my ass could barely fit on that chair. And this chair and I, well we've had a good run. And i'm so glad on the next trip her dad gave it to me. And nonetoosoon as the next semester she was gonesville and right when i repainted the front room that beige color to placate her. That beige color was never MY idea. But I still have the chair and that restaurant sign- that's the important thing. That and your health.

Which brings me to whether or not you should spin like your buns are on fire. It's like me and my jogging stints. And now my hips hurt and my right knee screams at me everyday for the last 2 months. Because there was some overdoing it there. It's like as much as I'd want to climb a pyramid or a ziggaurat- the question is: should i? That clicking in the knee thing- that's the real crux right there. True though sometimes you have to push yourself to see where you're at. Give yourself a challenge. It's like me coming back from my trip and jog/walking a 15 min mile. That's fast for me. But there were consequences. And you don't even have all that weight on you. So maybe try it. See if you're in a more aggressive energy phase and do it. Because sometimes its a good thing to go beyond and then come on back down to earth. Maybe its like your a fish doing a flop out of water and back in again? And the coming back in breaks all the old barnacles off your body and gives you a nice new clean feeling.

But meanwhile you're going to NYC and before that I'm going to Chicago. And after that we're going to come back and be in a new month and a new phase of things even though that hardly seems right. But maybe its like that with activism. It's not that hope is extinguished or that it doesn't change anyones mind but maybe its not your fight right now. Your fight is with litmus tests and clicking knees and the weather. And mine is whether I'm going to go back to school and get a degree in Spiritual Formation and SoulCare, no seriously, despite the money, its something I can see myself doing. It seems so right it must be folly. It's like when I moved to Chicago and hadn't even visited the city. Just shipped my stuff to an address and took a taxi into the city thinking what on EARTH did i just do? And my friend at the time said, its actually quite a you thing to do. Maybe its like that. Sometimes we have to act and do and other times God just says, wait... and you think that's not him, thats me being lazy and irresponsible and if i were just a little bit more this way I wouldn't have a problem with this. So if i could just search a little more and push a little harder then it's going to be ok. But really either God is going to reform me or not or use me the way he wants to use me-- like you and like activism and your poison pen letters- a necessary venting, and a very you thing to do. Think of all those refunded bank overdrafts- a good battle. A worthy battle. True activism.

I only have a little bit more time because I'm going to a bead store and then swimming and finding a book on St. Ignatious is in my future. The thing about the school- it was like i had this passing thought and then Danica reaffirmed it for no particular reason. Like dreaming about a red cup, missing it, wishing you had it, and your friend says, here is this red cup. It's for you. I thought of you exactly when i saw it. We'll see is all i can say. And I'll tell you more soon.

Oh, also- i watched ProRun and it did please me to see that warm golden baked skyline of LA but the characters and the tears and the nuttiness suddenly had me thinking, can i do this again?

Right now, before I go, I'm going to watch these guys- i think in light of your suspicion of govt, they're rollickingly appropriate: Clarke and Dawe. They have a slew of vids on the tube and they're brillz. I hope it encourages you.

My love to you,M.