Showing posts with label fast. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fast. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
The Month of August in Photos Pen,
I'm a little late flying into september already Pen, but enclosed below you will see what was the main preoccupation with August... clearly muffins and kittens. Flaxseed/Apple, banana quinoa and Twist, and marley and one really particularly hot day. Oh and Thorne and a really good rice/bean/cilantro medley...I was fasting and freaking out about finances... i'm much calmer now bcs i think i'm going to korea though none of the paperwork is done and i dont have a contract... still it's going to be a few months... so right now i'm going to , go make breakfast, go finish painting a set, and then to the beach... after that... ? figuring out skype..consolidate balances. getting through this current heatwave so i can make more muffins... 
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
penelope,
today 596 of 'the fast'. will it NEVER end?! or ever? i don't know. there's only 4 more days left but suddenly it seems completely unacceptable. i guess day 17 is my wall? where i get angry and start having deep animus toward everything in my life. which can be directly traced toward GOD. and sure i have a new long white whiskered kitten named Twist, and a shiny pink dress but that is not enough. i'm going to short circuit thinking about all the ways in which my life could be better- being a different person and not who God made me, having a job, being fiscally responsible... tyranny. but who wants to write a list trying to figure out a 'god not providing for me' 'failing myself' list which is humbly just a list of bills due. He has 13 days.
because honestly, any sort of thoughts i might have in the nature of impatience, bitterness, wants, desires, lacks and missings, while true emotionally just seems so, i know- arbirtary. except for the irresponsibility of not being able to pay my bills. but anyway. 13 days. I WANT DESSERT!
That's it really. Surrendering. I'd say that word is from Celebrity Rehab but i think i read it in beths blog the other day. i could totally relate. I suppose though finally my dietary constraints are met by the desert of my fiscal life. I had tried so hard to keep them separate but that's impossible. I should've lived on tuna and bologna? in grad school and i didn't. Is it God's fault I didn't ... well it's not like there was a joseph to tell me there was 7 years of drought coming. Nevermind.
I WANT DESSERT.
And i remember (unrelated to above) how i said, just think one day she'll be in kindergarten! And though this has turned out to be thee most dismal year for me of calamity plague sickness and recession we're still here- barely maybe- but finding some joy- some kitten and pink sparkly dress in our lives. this long record of complaint which has lasted i know on and off 2 years will in my memoirs be a few pages- maybe 5? in the scheme of things but we have to live and complain in the present. Here's to making it to our anniversary. Oh and to surrendering because we don't have a choice... *snarf.
m.
(ps. pro-run. i mean you know. it's there. it's sometimes a little colloseum-esque? that poor red-headed girl? lamb to the slaughter. what else is on? i can't even watch the new damages (bcs its on direct-tv). and after running out of all other tv and missing the end of my crabshow, and seeing sharkweek, i've now started watching eureka... and everytime i adjust my chair i have to glance down to make sure i dont roll over twist. i need a snack. wait what's that yes, that's right, what i really want is DESSERT. but can i have it? no. *suck.
because honestly, any sort of thoughts i might have in the nature of impatience, bitterness, wants, desires, lacks and missings, while true emotionally just seems so, i know- arbirtary. except for the irresponsibility of not being able to pay my bills. but anyway. 13 days. I WANT DESSERT!
That's it really. Surrendering. I'd say that word is from Celebrity Rehab but i think i read it in beths blog the other day. i could totally relate. I suppose though finally my dietary constraints are met by the desert of my fiscal life. I had tried so hard to keep them separate but that's impossible. I should've lived on tuna and bologna? in grad school and i didn't. Is it God's fault I didn't ... well it's not like there was a joseph to tell me there was 7 years of drought coming. Nevermind.
I WANT DESSERT.
And i remember (unrelated to above) how i said, just think one day she'll be in kindergarten! And though this has turned out to be thee most dismal year for me of calamity plague sickness and recession we're still here- barely maybe- but finding some joy- some kitten and pink sparkly dress in our lives. this long record of complaint which has lasted i know on and off 2 years will in my memoirs be a few pages- maybe 5? in the scheme of things but we have to live and complain in the present. Here's to making it to our anniversary. Oh and to surrendering because we don't have a choice... *snarf.
m.
(ps. pro-run. i mean you know. it's there. it's sometimes a little colloseum-esque? that poor red-headed girl? lamb to the slaughter. what else is on? i can't even watch the new damages (bcs its on direct-tv). and after running out of all other tv and missing the end of my crabshow, and seeing sharkweek, i've now started watching eureka... and everytime i adjust my chair i have to glance down to make sure i dont roll over twist. i need a snack. wait what's that yes, that's right, what i really want is DESSERT. but can i have it? no. *suck.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Trust and Fast
Day 5 of the FAST.
I have come to feel the apple flaxseed muffins are cheating. Though they are delicious. I need to lower their sugar content and try again. Maybe in half? But can you believe i haven't had a piece of meat/fish/cheese or latte for 5 days. The eggs in the morning are providing some necessary stability (is that wrong? should i not have stability?hmm.) and I'll try switching it up to oatmeal later. But otherwise I'm doing pretty good. The first night I had a slight headache but haven't since. Mainly eating quinoa, rice and beans, rice noodles, fruit fruit fruit and someeee nuts? I need more nuts. I'm waiting to revolt or really I need to vary it and try new things... i wanted to try adding egg to grated squash or sweet potato and making a sort of hash thing. Hmm what else... Maybe a stirfry. I'm craving bacon for some reason and everytime i see a sign for coffee i'm mocked. But those we'll have to wait. It's a struggle btw the letter and the spirit of the law here in terms of what to deny myself and what to let myself have. A little green tea and juice... white rice? Is that too far? gf bread... hmm.
It's a pretty bigdeal to see how far i've come in my life and my eating habits and the hypoglycemia and the allergies to let myself feel safe in cutting things out in the first place. And the lack of withdrawl symptoms for the most part is a testament too. Though obviously i love meat and i won't be giving it up anytime soon it's good to know the sustainability of grains and beans... It would be good to take this basic knowledge and carry it into the future no? I'm not praying enough though... or not once yet a concentrated time unless before sleep. The great secret and torment of someone who is chair of a prayer council.
Otherwise what else... here i am blogging. It's high summer and who knows what will come. Hopefully enough money for my bills this month and a job for September. My mantra?or truth? the word i have? besides is: The Lord sustain me. Trust.Fast. I'll have to remember this as i cut down my netflix this coming month.
I have come to feel the apple flaxseed muffins are cheating. Though they are delicious. I need to lower their sugar content and try again. Maybe in half? But can you believe i haven't had a piece of meat/fish/cheese or latte for 5 days. The eggs in the morning are providing some necessary stability (is that wrong? should i not have stability?hmm.) and I'll try switching it up to oatmeal later. But otherwise I'm doing pretty good. The first night I had a slight headache but haven't since. Mainly eating quinoa, rice and beans, rice noodles, fruit fruit fruit and someeee nuts? I need more nuts. I'm waiting to revolt or really I need to vary it and try new things... i wanted to try adding egg to grated squash or sweet potato and making a sort of hash thing. Hmm what else... Maybe a stirfry. I'm craving bacon for some reason and everytime i see a sign for coffee i'm mocked. But those we'll have to wait. It's a struggle btw the letter and the spirit of the law here in terms of what to deny myself and what to let myself have. A little green tea and juice... white rice? Is that too far? gf bread... hmm.
It's a pretty bigdeal to see how far i've come in my life and my eating habits and the hypoglycemia and the allergies to let myself feel safe in cutting things out in the first place. And the lack of withdrawl symptoms for the most part is a testament too. Though obviously i love meat and i won't be giving it up anytime soon it's good to know the sustainability of grains and beans... It would be good to take this basic knowledge and carry it into the future no? I'm not praying enough though... or not once yet a concentrated time unless before sleep. The great secret and torment of someone who is chair of a prayer council.
Otherwise what else... here i am blogging. It's high summer and who knows what will come. Hopefully enough money for my bills this month and a job for September. My mantra?or truth? the word i have? besides is: The Lord sustain me. Trust.Fast. I'll have to remember this as i cut down my netflix this coming month.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
penstimine,
i've finished a particularly savory piece of flapsteak. choicely grilled and slightly salted from crystals harvested in the pacific ocean. as yet another succulent taste of heaven. watching celebrityrehab and reading cs.lewis' surprised by joy- i have taken a break to reflect with you on yet another low month possibly 2nd only to April in ambivalence and lack of bon mots (in our entire history), of which is there really an explanation? except to say that we've reached a dangerous state, reflected in the suckatude of the whole of 2011 thus far, thusly dragging us to the unmined depths of silence and lackluster eyes glazed and drooping upon a too bright computer screen. it is surprising that i can muster this much description- lewis and the steak are probably the only reason, and the last iced latte i'll have in the next 21 days. (lord,preserve me.)
i went shopping today and dumbly grabbed beans and rice and instant packs of gf.noodles and gf soysauce, and a pepper melange- trying to think of anything besides tofu that i could eat as protein- quinoa yes- what else? let alone what sort of flavor combinations to concoct with no butter or cheese/milk- and only spices, onion, cilantro and ? oil... yes... given that i don't cook at all... well it doesn't have to be that varied or perfect right? but i digress. i will only pause in this ramble long enough to water the pots and for mom to hulahoop her abs into submission....
it took longer than we thought but i'm back- (reading cadfael mysteries aloud) oh and yes, borderlands. once you obsessively play it loses its luster but i found the strategy needed and the weaponry to be quite awesome and entertaining. the story thin as a wafer. i am only sorry i do not have xbox to play with j.lo online. my soldier roland was a good soldier, a fine soldier he was.
bruckner will be happy to note my soul has stopped rejoicing and now i'm a little sorry for yelling at it. it cannot, in teresian fashion, be blamed for the exalted heights to which it has climbed when with the Lord. alas. i can only imagine my whole self will start a full complaint at being denied meat, butter, and french fries... but nevermind, press on. press on.
attached below you will find pictures of july:
i went shopping today and dumbly grabbed beans and rice and instant packs of gf.noodles and gf soysauce, and a pepper melange- trying to think of anything besides tofu that i could eat as protein- quinoa yes- what else? let alone what sort of flavor combinations to concoct with no butter or cheese/milk- and only spices, onion, cilantro and ? oil... yes... given that i don't cook at all... well it doesn't have to be that varied or perfect right? but i digress. i will only pause in this ramble long enough to water the pots and for mom to hulahoop her abs into submission....
it took longer than we thought but i'm back- (reading cadfael mysteries aloud) oh and yes, borderlands. once you obsessively play it loses its luster but i found the strategy needed and the weaponry to be quite awesome and entertaining. the story thin as a wafer. i am only sorry i do not have xbox to play with j.lo online. my soldier roland was a good soldier, a fine soldier he was.
bruckner will be happy to note my soul has stopped rejoicing and now i'm a little sorry for yelling at it. it cannot, in teresian fashion, be blamed for the exalted heights to which it has climbed when with the Lord. alas. i can only imagine my whole self will start a full complaint at being denied meat, butter, and french fries... but nevermind, press on. press on.
attached below you will find pictures of july:
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