Not in the Shangri-la sense

Turtle-cupcakes- flavor not form does not go further to explain anything whatever except that maybe they taste like baby pond turtles. I am unconvinced pre-birthday girl.

And since we're on about food, and I've got a bus to catch in an hour- it was all going to be really efficient to have an omlette and baguette at the guesthouse- but then they thought I wanted scrambled eggs and an omlette? and then she never came back with my bread until I finished so I just refused to pay for it and it took long enough that they were like oh, sorry- so now i'm at the trendy western café having a 1/2 off chocolate croissant from yesterday and an iced cap. Apparently my breakfast self has no apparent concern for how to slice my budget to make it last. I have a 4 hour busride to think about it. Oh also- the missionaries relatives- Buddhists- ok- but they charged me double for what the anti-nausea meds cost. I bought another set just in case and I was like wait what, only 4,000? Not 10,000!? Agh! Pisses me off. Nevermind. It's so incremental but that's not the point. Nevermind!

So allergies- I have no idea how you missed the thread- all my tests came back negative for gluten allergies and all and i'm mysteriously still highly allergic to "something" they don't know what- and only mildy allergic to pork and cockroaches. Though I've been having baguettes up and down the borders here it's a bad "western" breakfast habit- I had some unhealthy bread just the other day and my intestines got angry and my joints flared so I can't say i'm integrating wheat back into my daily anything- except for 7grain bread. I'm excited to eat that and sourdough- I really think fish tacos should be with corn-ts- but i'd be willing to eat yours whatever way you make them.

I can't believe I  didn't write to you in Phonsavan. I was irritated mainly because I couldn't find anyone to do my trek with me. But that's because they sort of trap and isolate tourists and i'm not as extroverted, and lacking in time to pull forces together and leave notes around town. It was a weird border town- it felt on the edge of something- people were into all sorts of things and the main pull of the town is the plain of jars- funerary or giants drinking cups who knows and UXO. It was glaring and hot at the first place, scenic and lovely at the 2nd, but it's not like we had packed lunches to stay- which would've been nice, and then the 3rd, hotter and less scenic. Everyone thought the noodle soup was good for lunch and I can't tell if they were being polite or if they really thought it was good- and then good for them for being easily pleased. They're not tyrannized by high standards.

Meanwhile you gaze around at this land that's sort of made to roam, to take a horse through or to wander around- kind of scenic. Hills. Cleared land, some forested areas- and then you think, oh right- Bombs. Every-where. And to think Kennedy started that mess! And then you add bomb dumps before the planes returned to the ships because that was "less" dangerous and secondary targets in lieu of targets in Vietnam and then actual civil war and war and whatever and different terrain opposed to WWII terrain, and you have a monster problem of unexploded ordinance aka UXO. I bought a t-shirt to support the clearance cause and some aluminum bracelets made from rocket caps. Though it'll take 150 years at this rate- Granted they're turning this whole thing into a bit of a gimmick (bombs as garden beds, or satellite dish stands but it has to be true at the core i think- and it gets a bit tiresome with the whole anti-US vibe, let alone the rather slanted video they show at the MAG office- as if French colonialism and the ensuing war was a breeze in the park in comparison- and oh communism! but ok fine- it is horrifying, cluster bombs. Shudder. People going about their business and they strike one or they're trying to make a quick buck with warscrap and boom! There's only one line in the video about the US trying to give aid and it being declined by the laos govt. Claiming "complex" relationship. Whatever I get it. Totally heinous problem.

Oh Phonsavan! You could've been epic but you were just a weird off-kilter and thus I suppose memorable place with your sudden rain storm, random mist, and aid organizations left and right. I did meet a lovely French couple named John-Pierre and Christiane. I had some amazing Indian Food too. And the 2nd day I did a bit of a prayer walk and walked and then walked some more and ended up at a place called Mulberries where they do some amazing work with natural dyes and silkworms- though the minute you start hearing "Chinese involvement" and investment in Laos or Vietnam and it makes one a bit nervous- but then you go oh back to amazingness and silk--- ooo. Though I am a fan more of high quality cotton. Nevermind! I have to go soon.

So that was the 2 1/2 days there. The long bus ride there I spent mostly passed out, tittering bus driver, check, yet another couple traveling together, right, and then a hellish road out to Laung Prabang where even though I took the sleepy drowsy pill of thanktheLord they invented it and it works, I slept because holyhell the pinturns! Another traveler got sick. Luckily we pulled over and my new travel companion of 3 hours at that point, we both peed off the side of the road - so I didnt' have to later be outraged by having to pay to go to the toilet not 30minutes later! You get weird traveling. I just sound strange to myself hemming over $1 and cents but it's my job for now I guess. I'd say i'm doing average or passable - and i'm ok with it! right?! Ok. Yes. OK.

Anyway the temp picked up, passing through the cloud line, and the roads got back to dusty, and we were back at the Mekong delta level of things. I expected to roll into this palm trees dripping by the waters edge (dry season- oh right, nevermind) and the saffron robed monks in this sort of haze (bcs of all the slash/burn farming- also heinous) of colonial charm and it's so not. People sort of go all wistful about how you could stay here and isn't it lovely? But only because the snake that you didn't see has anesthetized you and is slowly coiling its way around you to consume you. But more on that once I get to Nong Khiaw. I don't have the headspace to keep rambling on. I hope there's some sort of internet connection- it's suppose to get more "rustic" from here on out so I don't know.

Oh! and I'm so glad you didn't release the butterflies- I had that thought going to sleep one night. Just a quick distressing truth about cold weather. Perhaps they can live their lifecycle in the hot house and you can order another such thing for spring summerish? and then release those ones?

All right, thanks for listening my dear friend. I've got a four hour ride to the north-east of here and a budget table to stare at. I mean if you happen to see any jobs i'd be perfect for... nevermind nevermind one thing at a time.

My love,
m.

pass the zyrtec

Or something? I feel like it's allergy season, officially. Or else I'm tired from camping, or allergic to DST, or... We tried to release the butterflies today, but they wouldn't go. We got all four out, but then they just looked sad and unmoving and basically cold. Butterflysicles, and I didn't want to chance their death. So we packed them back up. I did however hold one on my finger for quite awhile. And they're way prettier as butterflies! no longer in their gremlin state.

So here are my pictures from the weekend. The good parts. Puppies are photographically inspiring, of course, as are lakes and docks and abandoned houses/tobacco barns/lonely chimneys in the woods. 

Six days until 35! And two days until the anniversary of my first date with J.Lo. What! Amazing AND true. For birthday, there will be fish tacos for dinner (they are the best EVER) and turtle cupcakes. (Flavor, not form.) Chocolate, caramel, oh my. 

Tell me how you're faring over there! after that long long bus ride to the next place. Without an ipod. But also without DST. Or, I hope, seasonal allergies! You'll also have to expound again on allergies because I feel like I missed a thread - I know you can't eat pork, but you can eat biscuits again?! Does that mean you could eat fish tacos, I ponder...  

Behind the Times

new typhoon - aka "super typhoon sanba". following the same path as the last two. of course R and I are both like YES because it's maybe hitting monday. of course we should have more sense. but we don't. i don't. i mean it has the word super  in the name now. yikes. somehow, it does manage to inspire in my calloused self a certain amount oh shit, this is serious. not sure why. like supernova maybe? or out of control monster?megasupersomething... for some reason that does it. will have to ponder more. and of course my flatmate- soon to be exflatmate had to chime in that it's going to be downgraded to a two by the time it hits us. so there we have it. supermegadeathsomething no more.

so what's been going on since i was last on the scene... uh, hum...
bell choir? really?
hmm. ok. i mean, really? as the koreans say, chin-cha?!

it's like i can picture it and part of me wants to mock it but then i think of that scene from the new girl and i'm like well it is cool. and a good nonverbal activity of communal happenstancing so... i'd totally come see you play too and everything. i might snicker because of the obscurity and quaintness and all but then i'd be all yah man, it's deep andmeditativeandjoyfulandsomejunk.

what else... just yesterday cath asked me what was going on at work and i was like eh, not much. then went on to list all the changes that are my making the shoulders get way to friendly with my neck. which has by the way lost almost an inch- so that includes, threats to give my two oldest classes to the new teacher. granted they're more energetic/handful/monsters depending on the day, and it's a HE, only titillating possibility of being husband material for one of the 4 single women left at work. 3 of us over 36. and his coming in 2 wks maybe? if the paperwork works out and right he's going to be living above me soon, feeling like i'm going to be fired, eating in the hallway sans protection of bookshelf- must photograph... i think i blocked out more but i know that they told the office admin that M quit. not.  and i stress breathe everyday that i'm there- you know that deep inhale and quick exhale like you'd forgotten what it was like to be calm. it's possible i'd be doing this no matter where i was but meh. maybe not.

oh man i just got distracted... total coping mechanism and now i have to go to bed... here's a couple lovely emails:

보낸사람: M>
받는사람 : <doctor>
날짜: 2012년 9월 07일 금요일, 10시 41분 23초 +0900
제목: RE:

I will try to reduce stress and enjoy the life God has put before me. So hard sometimes. Thank you for the kind email. It made me smile. May God guide your hands and your heart today. m- mendacious ------ Dear M. Thank you for your prayer. I hope our words and works could be prayer to God. For reducing emotional stress, opening the mouth could be help. Using the method of closing the mouth is not suitable one, such as thinking and thinking, reading a book, listening the music, eating food stuff, sleeping.. That methods makes emotional stress hiding inside more deeply. How about this ways? Exercise (we have to open our mouth as we need deep breath), shouting (do not let people stand in front of us), singing (do not need to be a good singer) deep breathing (inhale through nose and exhale through mouth).. There is no coincidence as the Lord is ruling over this world.. May God shine your every steps. Steward Kim.

 so basically he's recommending noraebang (karaoke), primal screaming, and yoga? and i love also that reading, sleeping, eating and thinking make stress hide more deeply! must get to singing place asap. must also find standards i can sing asap... hum. anyway... i know it's not going to relieve stress but sleep is needed and a hot shower... the typhoon and my fried chicken craving are going to have to wait.

m.
 

Typhoon Balven? is coming or somesuch?

Humidity at 100%. Everyones a bit grumbly but i dont mind the rain quite yet as we has a pretty dry summer by all accounts. I really do enjoy the new names that typhoons bring.(khanun for instance) I never was at all impressed by the US hurricane names. The russian curmudgeon thinks going through two of them is enough. And i wasn't particularly impressed with the first. A downpour yesterday left a good water spray puddle on my floor and a small moat in my double window sills...

I knew there was something more i had to say as i was about to pass out from boring myself- I tested negative for the 6 other allergans- like the things i eat everyday sort of thing. Besides chocolate which will come back soon? Or something? Anyway weeeee. Also i still have a higher level of whatever present which indicates something is still undectected. My rather ambivilant doctor stated that it "could be anything" and suggested that I just try and spend my time taking care of myself and relaxing. I can't fault that assessment. He says, life as a foreign teacher is very stressful- and intimated that i might be allergic to stress. I like it. Further "research" is required but the couple articles i've read  seem to suggest that stress can heighten allergic responses and prompt sensitive areas like sinuses and the skin to an allergic response- like hives, blocked airways, and excema- which i all occasionally have... so there you have it. Of course i could really be allergic to air or something but let that go. I'm not going to keep spending money on them not fully testing me for stuff. I already feel a bit like- ach, to that $80 i just spent on top of the $60 because of course it didn't find anything. Finding out i was allergic to pork and cockroaches..pretty priceless right? And though i need a chiro i'll probably wait until the states for one too. And do yoga like a goodgirl should? I dont know somebody remind me. The nerves still pinched and the neck feels like its about to go on strike. What do you mean that's all indicative of stress... hunched shoulders and the what knots.

NEXT.

What else. I'm reading that book on Corrie TenBoom. She's pretty frickin' amazing and pretty inline with what i'm discovering here. How much life is about Jesus and Jesus alone- LOVE. How to love through, because of... and all the rest. Though i don't really want to be at home with God anywhere at the moment. I'm usually all for that but right now... not so much.

Other than that i really should begin to plan the wheres and hows of going to SEA in Feb. Seeing you. Jobs? I mean at this rate though I wonder if i'll get my head in the right order to do any of that. I hope so. I'm sure I will but i'm too busy blogging, eating fruit, drinking lattes and working. And then there's all that relaxing i have to do.

You feel better you. And take care of yourself. Lots of the laughing and chocolate and the goodthings for you my friend.

All my love,
xo- M.
(here it comes, here it comes, look how it rains. it sounds over the radio and the repeat of csi. it says, i am all around you. i encompass. )
 

out-of-it

In which penelope whines a little, or maybe a lot.

my love,

it appears that I am deathly allergic to the state of virginia this spring. it’s not that I’ve never suffered seasonal allergies before. but this year has knocked me flat on my face. the allergycast/allergen threat level scale indicates we are damn near maxed out (11.4 out of 12 on saturday!) and meantime my sinuses and ears are leaden, my throat sore, my skin crawling. neti pot you say? it’s most uncomfortable and sadly unproductive. the old standby zyrtec? I can’t tell if it just doesn’t work on me anymore, or if the 2010 expiration date truly has meaning. I’m never inclined to think it does, with meds, but maybe. and local honey you say? I’m attempting, but so far no luck. the honey is produced in our neighborhood, like a mere mile from our house, maybe less. so it couldn’t be more local. or more delicious really. mmm honey. mmm hot steamy tea. but so far the whole antibodies theory is proving to be an oldwivestale.

whine.

so I’ve been largely unproductive/completely lethargic really since our return from athens, ashley, andi and le hunger games. and head and the heart! which i ‘ve been hearing in my mind eversince. I love love love them. the trip was grand, really. and you noticed my mug! on our video call yesterday. I really do love that mug. and your new dishes from the market.

I am meandering my way through “no angel,” feel like I’ll reach the end soon? possibly? it’s like watching an entire season of downton, except I cannot read nearly as fast as I can watch. and nearing the end we’re in the midst of an epic affair, and I do not love affairs. like if only I could reach through the pages and shake some shoulders, wring some necks. although at the same time I loathe when men are condescending, demeaning, to their amazing female counterparts, and so I suppose I’m torn. like did oliver really deserve that? his misogyny is a product of his time. and celia’s like a hurricane. and then the war, the terrible war and its psychological aftermath…

upcoming projects allegedly include painting the Bug’s room dusty lavender with pink polka dots and white butterflies. I mean the polka dots are stickers and the butterflies are wall hangings that were leftover from a friend’s own decorating ventures. and it will all be a surprise, when the children and j.lo go away for easter weekend. so shhh, don’t tell her. I hope I’ll be able to pull it off in time.

and of course sewing. so far completed: 6 napkins and a dish dryer. have some minor mending to do and then will be perusing box o’ fabrics for inspiration.

my eyeballs are leaking and the head vice is tightening. going to go sip some tea. from my new mug. with local honey. and some self-pity.

blah.

update us on your scandalous life when you have a chance….

xoxoxox

Penolin,

Where are you... It's just me really, that's gone somewhere or is sitting still, my lack of human interaction for even a day sets me wondering, my neuroses and food habits- was it the hot cocoa mix, was it the chili? Was it because of the wheat I accidentally ate while eating a gyro that made me sensitive from wednesday effecting thursday? Why does there have to be wheat in a gyro? Or soy coating my fries? Why is there soy in chesse? Why do pickles have to be marinating in high fructose corn syrup? Why does milk have to agitate my digestive system and cause hives? Is it possible I'm allergic to all these things? soy.milk.wheat. soy.milk.wheat. soy.milk.wheat. Why did that woman at OldN@vy talk me out of the grey dress. Did i look that ginormous in it? Or was she just thinking, black is always yes and if you're at all uncertain then it's a no. I just wasn't sure if light grey was my color. I mean i think i've ascertained i'm a winter. Jewel tones- navy, teal, maroons, emerald, black,white... and everyone has a shade of grey they can wear. Maybe charcoal is more mine but still. ANd I let her talk me right out of it. I can't believe it. I felt like a pinball. Completely reactionary. And as I type I can feel the rough pilling on my shirt. How awful. ANd I liked you shirt, I really did. But i can't abide scratchy anything. You might get one more chance but then, you're gone. Like that see through, too lose white shirt. It never had a chance.

All this thinking...
It stalls two activities: necklace making and essay writing. Let alone losing 3 hours to the Wire s5/d3. I mean I don't know where the day went. There was some reading in there and that show 'You are what you eat'... renews my need to stick to cutting out most of fast food and eating more greens, and chewing my food- i guess. If one has to. Oh, if I only had $400 lying around to get tested for allergies. I did start a food diary today. In lieu of being rich. That in itself should be sustainable due to its list making potential. I should make a list of my physical grievences as well. Elbow tendenitis, twitchy tightness in quad, sore knees...or in general, lack of excema, minimum dandruff, 2 bits of acne, toe fungus, bad tooshort nails- weird bits of body maintanence wearing me down, too many things to care about or consider. And yet. Sputter.Sputter.Sputter.

The day before yesterday I made a list of grievences as my meditation with God made me feel like a floppy fish full of static like jolts of aggrevated blargness, I felt better afterward, sort of cleared the air. Build up of algae? or co2. hmm. There was at least 20 things. 5 seemed to be evil related. 6 good/God related. 9 were mixed of external and internal irritations, ticks and warbles. Then I saw myself on a small rock jutting up with a metal pole to hang onto and all around me were falling canonballs. It was quite clear I couldn't move very far from center or i'd get hit. And that's all I kept seeing, wooosh wooosh, crash crash crash. Needlesstosay, I didn't meditate yesterday, but I woke up with me remembering later this disturbing part of a dream I had- where this little - live- puppy was being made into a sugar cone, he was auborn brown, with big black eyes and soft ears, and when the guy was serving it to me, he clipped the nails, and then scooping icecream into the puppy's mouth- which looked more like a sockpuppetpuppymouth, but still- alive and blinking at me- i remember thinking, um, i don't think i can do this. I mean, i really, it's wrong- eating live puppies.

ANyway what the hell am I stressed out about !?
But two weeks to you.
i'm going to get that ON dress in grey and compare ANd bring the winner to you. Am also seeing some movie about tolstoy with julie tomorrow, had a good hike with callie, dinner with sarah... No need to work out. Hit my max. And danica and i joined etsy- 'darenotdally'... we haven't posted anything but its in the works. really. otherwise adieu and 'the rest is silence'.

m.

Penapiper,

I was feeling spicy and carefree when i picked it. I felt the header had to match. There was something about the bulbs i know, but our moods seemed to run contrary to that. And then once i changed the BG, it just seemed to be mocking the header. BUt anyway. One day.

Oh and you can totally send me with jlo. Its like, having a brother for a day outing. Though I understand if we can't work it in. I mean clearly it should be worked in, because my brother would never take me to a shooting range or play volleyball with me. So its a good thing jlo is it. I mean he even burns me cds so I can evolve my musical tastes. Its completely a brotherly thing to do. ANd im completely psyched about all of our outings. Its going to be a perfect and lovely week. Im excited about the prayer maze also. I want to create one in my lot at church. That would be rad. I've never done one. And of course one day when i come visit you again, i'll just buy my ticket like a normal person instead of using ffm, and that way i can fly into wilmington direct and simplify our lives. Giving us more time for everything obviously. Though I do enjoy that we can maintain a 2 hour convo, taking only occasional no talking breaks. I'm sure this time we'll have nothing whatever to say. ;)

Also, ew, fruit strips.
SO food. Yes, mmm. Everything i listed to you in my snack suggests for lent are good to go. I can do corn and rice, rice noodles, corn chips... i'll just have to label check stuff- as its candida v. wheat/soy allergy. Also spelt has wheat in it. Tragic. But quinoa is a good grain i can eat. Also rye crisps? Potatoes of course. Its just the usual staples are out- toast, bread for sandwiches, pasta... and chocolate is out unless it doesnt have soy- i do feel better i have to say. I think i may even be allergic to peas. Its part of the soy family. Its ridiculous. But anyway obviously fruit is golden! And i love. I can still do cheese and nuts (for now?:P) and nonfat yogurt. Recently I got into agave syrup as a natural sugar additive. Do you want me to bring you some? I feel very fancy using it with my yogurt and i cut up bananas and mix cinnamon in. Also meat = delicious, fish included, and all sorts of salads and lettuce and broccoli... its an all natural and mostly organic world i'm in. Fairly wild. And we won't feel as compelled to try and find dessert opts since you're abstaining. And thats a good thing. DOn't even get me started about the fact that the beef flavoring in mcds fries has wheat in it...

What else?

I'm watching Thorne today. The ipod I acquired needs a new battery. I've got some post it note chaos going on when clearly I should have a list. They're all standing tall right now like separate thoughts. Joanna got her necklace and the guy said he didn't know where the other necklace was- the one i spent $18 on sending express. Ugh. Whatever. Typical! And weird the mail just arrived early. Usually its all, I'll take my time and come at 3pm but here it is already. Allright i'm going to go read a book about the hubris of youth.

I have to things to contemplate though: being a 'church friend' and maybe a poem about lent...

m.

Penural,

i still may be allergic to walnuts b (which god i hope not) ut i can definitely tell you i'm probably allergic to soy also. super awesome. not horribly allergic but enough to stop up my sinuses, cause my face to get hot and a nice little red splotchy hive thing to happen on my chest... though the more i read the more it can include things like green beans and string beans... let alone the soy lecithin thats contained in a lot of chocolate. i mean i do not have money for an allergist. and all these cross contaminants can be dizzying... i suppose i must continue my scientific exploration. i can tell you the dark chocolate peanut clusters i had a couple hours ago did not go down well. and chocolate shouldn't ever cause that urpy unsettled feeling. i mean that's criminal. so maybe now that the wheat is gone my body is fine tuning its sensitivity. intolerance.allergy.intolerance. allergy. i mean sure i'm really glad i can still eat the popsicles but still. anyway. lame. and i won't talk about the 'no more govt cheese' wall i just hit. i think i'm good till the end of march but then its an abyss. must begin to build hot air balloon now. not sure if i can pack nuts or chocolate... but meat and most greens and rice krispie treats are still in. so i suppose its not all bad. i.guess. barring bankruptcy or death by soy.

if i had a nickel

I’d have to put it in a jar somewhere and not touch it. Apparently, I am allergic to nickel. They mix it in with a lot of the jewelry here in the U.S. (cheap filler, even in more expensive stuff), and repeated exposure can cause a contact allergy. I blame all those damn earrings I used to have in my head: eight! A few years ago, my ears flipped out, and I couldn’t wear the earrings anymore. First I switched to all-silver and all-gold earrings, which helped for awhile, but then the plating would wear off, and finally I felt like clawing my ears off, so I decided I was done. I wear necklaces, mostly taking them off at night, but if I don’t, or sometimes even if I do, I get welts on my skin. Watches are the same. And now, I guess with the white-gold plating wearing down on my wedding rings, I can no longer wear them. It is beyond vexing.

While researching this issue and what to do about it (talk to the jeweler about re-plating? Try Nickel Guard?), I found THIS PICTURE, which is too scary to post. I’m serious. View at your own risk. In the meantime, I’m hoping for no nightmares tonight—and that that dude isn’t really allergic to nickel. Because, ouch.