Pen, Enclosed please find the following recap of April. I miss you.

Given how last month went I tried really hard to not succumb.

But there were a lot of snails. Thousands in fact. Our duck and possum are MIA. All sorts of tender things were getting eaten.

Despite that, I even went to a party. We read aloud from SVH books. We ate puppy chow and GF pizza.

And my friends after long last moved from an apartment after 11 years to a house.

And I, a few days in from a deathcold soaked, steamed, slept and coated myself in mud to no avail. I remind myself of one of those modern art statues. Does somebody know what I'm talking about. Sometimes its not so bad being heavy but I can't quite find rest here.

There were moments of peace but down I went. My physical and spiritual health declined. I came close to losing my voice.

I even defeated a creature called the Destroyer, but by then it seemed sort of a let down. I died 7 times before I figured it out. It felt good but then the game ended. I went to kill zombies afterward but somehow it just wasn't the same.

And I found this note in the church lot, and she wants to do an article. She says it warms her heart. Of course I heard people in a meeting today still want to cover it in concrete. She just doesn't understand it.

And my garden at home does look like this... I should spend more time there in btw the heat waves. It's glorious in a way I can't understand.

But mostly I feel like this in the midst of it. I just experienced deja vu writing that. Weird.

I did have a meditation on Thursday that had me in a castle under seige, and asking from where does my help come from? The blue sky was breathtaking. I was clothed in gold. But i was still waiting. I did have messanger doves to send notes...

In the field at balboa there were redwingedblackbirds dipping in out of the mustard. The sound of the grass whipping in the field was peaceful too. I suppose even though I must conclude that April was an epic fail in the arena of mental resiliance and inward peace and stamina- as i was mostly depressed and found none- there were signs of glory all around me. So i have to conclude my joy was not lost, just hard won.  

m.