Penolin,

Where are you... It's just me really, that's gone somewhere or is sitting still, my lack of human interaction for even a day sets me wondering, my neuroses and food habits- was it the hot cocoa mix, was it the chili? Was it because of the wheat I accidentally ate while eating a gyro that made me sensitive from wednesday effecting thursday? Why does there have to be wheat in a gyro? Or soy coating my fries? Why is there soy in chesse? Why do pickles have to be marinating in high fructose corn syrup? Why does milk have to agitate my digestive system and cause hives? Is it possible I'm allergic to all these things? soy.milk.wheat. soy.milk.wheat. soy.milk.wheat. Why did that woman at OldN@vy talk me out of the grey dress. Did i look that ginormous in it? Or was she just thinking, black is always yes and if you're at all uncertain then it's a no. I just wasn't sure if light grey was my color. I mean i think i've ascertained i'm a winter. Jewel tones- navy, teal, maroons, emerald, black,white... and everyone has a shade of grey they can wear. Maybe charcoal is more mine but still. ANd I let her talk me right out of it. I can't believe it. I felt like a pinball. Completely reactionary. And as I type I can feel the rough pilling on my shirt. How awful. ANd I liked you shirt, I really did. But i can't abide scratchy anything. You might get one more chance but then, you're gone. Like that see through, too lose white shirt. It never had a chance.

All this thinking...
It stalls two activities: necklace making and essay writing. Let alone losing 3 hours to the Wire s5/d3. I mean I don't know where the day went. There was some reading in there and that show 'You are what you eat'... renews my need to stick to cutting out most of fast food and eating more greens, and chewing my food- i guess. If one has to. Oh, if I only had $400 lying around to get tested for allergies. I did start a food diary today. In lieu of being rich. That in itself should be sustainable due to its list making potential. I should make a list of my physical grievences as well. Elbow tendenitis, twitchy tightness in quad, sore knees...or in general, lack of excema, minimum dandruff, 2 bits of acne, toe fungus, bad tooshort nails- weird bits of body maintanence wearing me down, too many things to care about or consider. And yet. Sputter.Sputter.Sputter.

The day before yesterday I made a list of grievences as my meditation with God made me feel like a floppy fish full of static like jolts of aggrevated blargness, I felt better afterward, sort of cleared the air. Build up of algae? or co2. hmm. There was at least 20 things. 5 seemed to be evil related. 6 good/God related. 9 were mixed of external and internal irritations, ticks and warbles. Then I saw myself on a small rock jutting up with a metal pole to hang onto and all around me were falling canonballs. It was quite clear I couldn't move very far from center or i'd get hit. And that's all I kept seeing, wooosh wooosh, crash crash crash. Needlesstosay, I didn't meditate yesterday, but I woke up with me remembering later this disturbing part of a dream I had- where this little - live- puppy was being made into a sugar cone, he was auborn brown, with big black eyes and soft ears, and when the guy was serving it to me, he clipped the nails, and then scooping icecream into the puppy's mouth- which looked more like a sockpuppetpuppymouth, but still- alive and blinking at me- i remember thinking, um, i don't think i can do this. I mean, i really, it's wrong- eating live puppies.

ANyway what the hell am I stressed out about !?
But two weeks to you.
i'm going to get that ON dress in grey and compare ANd bring the winner to you. Am also seeing some movie about tolstoy with julie tomorrow, had a good hike with callie, dinner with sarah... No need to work out. Hit my max. And danica and i joined etsy- 'darenotdally'... we haven't posted anything but its in the works. really. otherwise adieu and 'the rest is silence'.

m.