m,

of course i understand, it monumentous! which unfortunately isn’t quite a word, but whatever. you get it.

it’s one foot in front of the other these days, with my eyes not exactly ahead and not exactly tripping over my feet, but somewhere in-between. eventually i’ll get to where i’m going, which is what i tell myself to avoid in-the-moment panic. in the moment it’s all *full moon* in every sense of the word and writing deadlines and even less time for recreational blogging, reading and pop culture intake. at some point a girl’s going to snap. and i feel both ends of the candle burning down, down. or is it across. someday soon there won’t be so much pressure. and months or years down the line there will be more time. lots of time. too much time, even. as hard as that is to imagine.

as you can see, i can hardly be bothered with capitalization.

i *have* managed to watch prorun and grey’s this week (last week’s episode of grey’s, i mean), in a few moments of self-imposed midnight isolation. i can’t say either episode was particularly fulfilling, but the downtime registered, or at least wiped my brain clean enough so that i could sleep and dream about a next-door neighbor’s chickens, living in some state far from here and likely nonexistent. i was excited to buy eggs, even if the neighbor wasn’t excited enough about selling them.

note to self: missing both yoga sessions this coming week due to prior commitments, and so *must* buckle down with the podcasts. oh, and though i went to yoga this past week, it wasn’t really my friend. i never thought i’d say that about you, yoga, but it’s true. you hurt. although i suppose you had your work cut out for you. and still do.

and i’ve sort of reclaimed the downstairs den. although bailey is mournful and tortured as a soul this week, as we’ve placed a series of hard-to-move toys on the couch so she simply cannot lay there anymore. (there’s a new bed in the corner, a twin futon mattress – free! - that in all likelihood is a more comfy spot than the couch.) i just couldn’t take the fur and the clawed-up fabric and the dog-smell surrounding me in a way that said the room and the furniture were no longer for human use anymore. space is limited here, dammit, and that one has to be mine. so it is. it might be too cold for yoga down there, but we’ll see.

this day has passed in a whirlwind of coupons and errands and a particularly looming deadline (tomorrow), of which i have barely addressed. somewhere in there were some crab legs and a grilled roast, a sleeping beauty doll and some other sweet things for k.lo, an especially depressing episode of hoarders and the hilarious notion that k.lo’s party would have been today if it hadn’t been for the crappy weather. i suppose i could have pulled it off in the alternate universe, but at present, it seems like an impossibility that by now it would have been over and done. i hadn’t even bought a new bag of *pretzels* for heaven’s sake. what would people have eaten?

good night to you and more soon as always,

pen