m,

After two weeks without yoga: blah. I’m trapped in a chicken/egg cycle with yoga and cursed sciatica, coupled with the lack of personal time and space to try it at home. Well, anyway. I will probably go back tomorrow and see what happens.

I opted for the cheap haircut, the in-between trim, and it’s acceptable. For now. Frankly, it’s not short enough in the back, and I want to take the scissors to it myself, but then reason slaps me awake, shouting that it would be a very bad idea. And basically, my hair looks pretty much the same, it’s just the subtle nuances that come with a better cut. Chrissy takes an hour, all fast cuts; this girl, who was like 10 years younger than me, took 20 minutes, all slow cuts. Which, you get what pay for. But there is definitely a difference.

Have definitely reached the point of INFJ/HSP saturation where I need some downtime. NEED. And then there’s a shortage of available down time, or alone time, or even an extended quiet time would be nice. And so I don’t get what I need and lash out with claws and fangs and insult or alienate everyone in my path. I am actually extremely irritated about it at the moment, and have felt for the past 10 hours like I might burst into tears at any moment. Kind of like that soggy, rainy day feeling, except it’s right behind your eyes?

Also, it’s true that with this latest job that I can officially call myself a freelance writer. Which is awesome and amazing and I feel like it can only lead to bigger and better things, however long that takes. It will happen. BUT, one shadow that I recognize in all of this (i.e. all 3 current jobs) is that there’s little measure of how you are actually doing. Do they like you? Will they keep you? If they are thinking of letting you go, would they say? Feedback is limited, you take what you can get, and then make up the rest yourself. Which to some extent I realize is the case with everything you do in life, but it feels much more precarious with the things you’ve made to matter a lot. And so then you tell yourself: just forge ahead, and whatever is meant to happen, will. And you’re goodenough, smartenough, etc. But you know they are just words, the ones you need to make you move forward, the ones that would do little good if it all fell through.

Oh: random side note! We discussed, of all thing, long-leaf pines in church (class) today. As part of the new series, which is the environment as a spiritual issue, we talked about those species that are unique to our area. And there you go. Did you know that they are able to survive low-lying fires? And as a crop, not the greatest, as they are completely unpredictable in their timeline of growth. And they are present all along the Southern coast, down to Texas. So maybe there are some answers for you regarding these un-beachy trees. Also, the Venus fly trap and other pitcher plants are endemic to our area (within a 100-mile radius), which is pretty freaking cool, too. So despite all the blah—at least there is still that idea of loving where you live.

p