Dear Penelope,

hello you.
its me, mendacious.

how are you? did you read about your shadowbox or did the mere talk cause your eyes to roll back and interrupt your watching of glee- which i like, which likewise i totally get. now if only i could remember that it was on. like how i didn't even know the office was on on thursday. it goes to my surprise i suppose of september as an entity for fall and new tv programming and of change. and how far i am from that now that i may have to go temp or work at borders again or something. i don't know. but certainly something has to begin. though i have to say self employment won't get me any closer to finding a guytolove.

i've had my 2nd sugar free popsicle and realized that this weird throbbing i had going on my head today was because I had not one glass of water but iced tea over the spance of 7 hours. I'm going to leave you right now and go get some.

it really is so good. i'm writing you as i sit here watching netflixwatchnow and killing time before this homegroup potluck/bbq sort of thing. i want to write to you about how vaporub kills toe fungus or complain about the perpetual clean up of the garden after summer. i'm with you about the heat. just doing enough like watering and then leaving everything else to go to pot until the searing baking oppression dies down... and here i am writing about it but you know i can't go on like this. or about the parking ticket thing or the misery that some of my friends are living in breakups and financial insolvency. it all goes to the general atmosphere of things but not really the truth of things. and yet the contemplation of all these little things must add up to a person somehow. you know i've always been a believer in that. the beauty of analysis- for instance the psychology of where people sit in any given place. the possession of public space by certain types of people or facebook and how your page is certainly some, no matter how deceptive, a reflection of you. cathy disagrees but i think i'm right- even to the suspicion of being watched or found out about or being judged. its all there. evasive attitudes, general neutrality of picture, proliferation of inane quizzes etc etc.

my very first bestfriend from preschool, lori, found me on facebook just this morning. i had looked for her before but to no avail and so she added me with this tag, oh my god is it you!? well certainly i am me! even if i wasn't the me to which she was referring but to someuknownother. and that life seems so far from me as i investigate a little bit of her there was nothing on her page to hold onto. and her birthday, i never hang out with aquarians and she is one and the last thing i remember is going to visit her after she got her wisdom teeth out and her trying to eat spagetti, miserable with puffed up chipmunk cheeks in i think 7th grade. i remember fighting with her and making up and parties and sleepovers... that this grownup person who says her mom is going to die knowing i found you... is kind of cool. sort of an archaelogy. i might just meet up with her and explore and marvel and totally load a pic of us when we were 3 in our class. she knew me then. she came close to a sister. and whatever it was but suddenly it ended. it wasn't like a definable breakup when my other childhood friend wendy told me she was trying out for drillteam and was going to be best friends with sarahgraham.

i suppose all of this is surprising bcs i remember so little of my childhood that its fun to just see it bubble up to the surface. like i hadn't dreamed it? it was real- it existed and someway formed me.

anyway its pastdue and i have to go and i think the mayosaucestuff on my burger upset me. i have to get more water and put some pants on and tie the hair up and go. anyway, i'm here. and you're there. and i hope i hear from you soon.

m.