the cracked glass

I posted this article yesterday on FB, mainly in reference to my week, which has been… trying. It turns out that I wasn’t born patient(!), and I have to work on it daily. Some days are much more successful than others, and then I maybe get a little too proud of any practiced patience, thinking that it can come easy, when in fact it does not.

Here is the important quote referenced in the article:

“You see this goblet?” asks Achaan Chaa, the Thai meditation master. “For me this glass is already broken. I enjoy it; I drink out of it. It holds my water admirably, sometimes even reflecting the sun in beautiful patterns. If I should tap it, it has a lovely ring to it. But when I put this glass on the shelf and the wind knocks it over or my elbow brushes it off the table and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say, ‘Of course.’ When I understand that the glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious.”

So, thinking in terms of my occupation, I’ve got two little inevitably broken glasses in my hands: lovely, beautiful, precious. I do appreciate them, more than I can say. I appreciate them much less in lack of sleep and lack of space; sleep and space are ingredients to the ideal penelope. Without sleep and space, it is much more difficult to expect the glasses will break and then to accept the brokenness.

After reading the article last night, today I found the concept a virtually impossible mental hurdle: Yes, I expect one of my glasses to be incorrigible, pesty, whiny, overemotional, uncompromising, needy, lazy, stubborn, AND defiant, all stinking day long. But does that make it okay?

On the other hand, maybe I’m off on the definition of “expect,” twisting it all up with the word “dread.”

Even more likely, I am in my under-rested, feeling-crowded state, over-thinking the matter entirely, which always leads to trouble. I’m guessing the whole point of the exercise is to not really think or analyze too much, lest you crack the glass just by looking at it. Patience does not come easily to me, and nor does the not-thinking. The more you try, the more it eludes you… And with that thought, I’m off to have some wine, watch a movie, and not-think for a little while.