Bite Me, Revisited

For my original Bite Me post, please see Smartini. This post serves as the official entry for Sarah’s Pushy Neighbors Contest. Mwah.

Dear Pushy Neighbors,

You’re new here, I get that. And I understand there are all sorts of ways to get acquainted and become next-door *pals.* My way is a nice smile and a friendly hello, yours seems to be close-talking and a toddler-like insistency. So we’re a little different in our styles, that’s okay. However, your not-so-secret agenda—namely, switching parking spots—is not actually acceptable. In fact, it may be downright ridiculous. I’m torn between guessing the motivation behind said switch (establishing Alpha dominance? Hurley from “Lost” told you there’s bad luck in the number 3?) and rustling up a copy of our lease to show you that legally, we cannot switch. Our hands are tied.

Of course, we could always try this *experiment* of yours for a week just to see what happens. I’m pretty sure the scratches, dings, and/or scrapes incurred to your vehicle, due to my inevitable disorientation after three years of assimilating to the nuances of Parking Slot 4, will change your mind. Also, you’ll need to be extra careful on the way to your car; I can’t guarantee the safety of any bodies that have the misfortune of being blocked from view by your ginormous SUV.

In closing, the answer is *NO.*

Sincerely Yours,

Your New Neighbor Pal

P.S. Please enjoy these cookies, I made them myself. Also, I hear that the people from Parking Slot 2 are pushovers? Just a thought.