i feel like…

We both skipped a turn? Or something? But we’re also back in true form if we write anyway to check in belatedly, with promises to write more maybesometime…um.

WHOA with your meeting theme from above. Are you speaking with Volcanic yet? Is she there yet, will she ever be?

I have a slow-burn cold-hot ache across the middle of my back that just feels like sadness. Maybe some IcyHot? Does that cure all…

Today on a whim I decided to wrap Persephone’s earbuds a la a Pin I saw once and thought I pinned but apparently didn’t. Or I can’t find it on my boards, but that doesn’t mean anything. Except mine doesn’t look nearly as neat and lovely as it’s been at least a decade since my last friendship bracelet.

Also I have a meeting tonight for children’s council, which is going fine by the way, but I hate hearing myself talk, so I sort of have to power through that conundrum. Hm.

I made muffins… banana…

And I did laugh out loud at your pork and cockroach allergy. I mean… epic. Outside of a random Indiana Jones adventure, I don’t foresee many problems with the cockroaches, but have you sensed pork? And HOW are you not allergic to wheat, officially, after all your trials and tribulations with it? Do we trust this Korean assessment really, is what I’m asking. But I love that there’s still a ??? mystery allergy hovering out there. Ooo what could it be. (SG!) And allergic to dogs, however mildly – psshhh. I don’t know. I just don’t know.

The bookshelf is filled and is glorious.

I’m officially avoiding nosy-hag neighbor, who is simply going to have to fly on her own, little bird, fly fly. For my toxicity sensor is beeping wildly.

I ought to mow the lawn and refresh the hummingbird fare and water the plants. But it’s so wilt-y out there, whine.

And Bunheads is wearing on me with its lack of heart. Like it’s got the spunk, but…

anyway.

ttfn – totes – boom

penz

Have I already,

did i miss the boat already.. are we too behind? Let's keep going self Yes. self. I will type right now. I will blog right now.

but i skyped J instead and then zzzzzzzzz. I mean things to talk about to morrow am i promise... cockroach and pork allergy? and unknown X allergy... and going to a mtg with repressed volcanic girl where we literally talked about what destroys and builds relationships in the christian community and i had to sit next to her... super awkward, baffling, fascinating? not sure. God definitely. And then it's like ... well, ?...  oh and reading follet novel. swampy weather. rain. mosquitos still infiltrating despite net. must spray it.. ok what else? i mean work is ... ? and it's still a bit crazy but i suppose i should give you a run down... also conveyor belt sushi- coffee culture like crazy come to jeju, and go fast work week go... the days themselves seem to be dragging but then it's all over and i'm surprised it's going to be thursday.


love you friend,
and as we say, tell me of your world... the love of your bookshelf, spirals? and whatever else...
m.

?

.

5th day

I haven’t traversed any mazes lately with a Girl Named Volcanic Repression, but I did spend all day Saturday painting the ceiling of a mildewy basement. And felt completely ill for it, since heat rises and it was soupy heat and anyway. I might have tumors now, or at least a substantial lung disease brewing. It was for church and it’s fine, but let’s just say I’m not in any hurry to go back until the ceiling is done, at least. (It’s a giant, giant room.) I totally (totes) hope you go back to the maze so you can experience it by yourself and also complete the women’s maze because hello – awesome. It sounded pretty epic in spite of the subsequent friend-drama.

A new phone has been procured, secured, and I have named it Persephone. And you totally (totes) would have been proud of me when I sicced my upstate NY accented tirade on the AppleCare rep re: his ridiculous plan to have me send back a lemony device and wait 10 days for a replacement. My speech was long and loud enough to pass whatever escalation test was required by the cellphone carrier so that they intervened and were like, yes, we’ll swap it out for you. Sweet. I feel like I maintained a perfect balance of carefully restrained venom and persecuted customer-ness.

Neighborly shenanigans, you ask? So the nosy one to the right of us, the one who feels sorry for herself as a regular theme of conversation, the one with a vindictive streak who chucked dog poo in our flower beds last year instead of discussing the issue first? That one. Her husband went to the hospital last week after a fall (not the first fall), and I let the dog out while they were gone, and now she’s back and her husband has been transferred to a nursing home. Which was a long time coming, we all know that. And now she’s has this huge life transition in her lap, like what to do with herself, how to create a new life, how to be alone. I get that. I really do. I listen to these words empathetically. At the same time, the invitation to join a water aerobics class together had to be politely declined.

This is the show I went to Friday night. And it was pretty rad! I mean I could have done without the Santa song and why did we go back to the Flagmaker in the 1700s? I’m not sure. But otherwise. I got it, and it was inspiring. It’s a tiny theater brimming over with talent and heart and I love it. Totally (totes) want to go back.

And currently, I’m sitting in awe next to this super-tall bookcase crafted by J.Lo and my dad that is now a cornerstone of our living room. I have to fill it this week, and also make a giant stack of books-to-be-sold-and/or-donated. Because I just don’t want to hold on to them all. I know. Who is speaking here. But it’s totally (totes) me, Penelope.

love to you on the island -

Mazeland,

The day was going from one largest "of" to the next... one of the longest lava tubes, the longest? stone maze, the oldest tree on jeju, the biggest nutmeg tree in the world etc... the lava tube- was made yes, by lava cutting through the earth- discovered in 1947 by a school teacher collecting plants. It's massive and vast- and so very evocative. The whole day- evocative of mystery, of discovery, of wandering, of exploration and beauty. The caves a constant cold temperature, with intermittent drips falling from the ceiling at times you feel swallowed up, part of a government conspiracy, an apocalyptic society of survivors, of a dry and vast river with human fish cutting past you in the current. You ache as you hit the end and see the tunnel alluringly keeps going on though the walkway does  not. You have to watch your steps back over the uneven surface now that you are chilled you glance up frequently but can no longer stop and continue to gaze at each breathtaking surreal step of something that hardly seems real. Down to the dark volcanic rock looking like wet clay or the earthy colored and iron rusted top crust of the ceiling looking fragile and hollowed, to the grooves cut and left by intense repeditive movement. You emerge and hit the wave of humidity and heat rising against you with force. There is an audible murmur of surprise but you continue to climb up up up and out. There is something left with you like wanting to stay down there forever but understanding the inhospitable and impractical nature of living down in the dark at such a depth. You can't linger. But you want to come back.

The next place, mazeland- is made of three elements that jeju is most plentiful in- women, wind and stone. This is where i found out the one girl didn't like mazes and seemed alienated from the experience. She didn't tell me, until we were in the first- thinking that it was absurd to be lost in a place like a game and to try to find your way out. As if there should be some point or how it might  be different if there was some object or team... When people are like this in an activity or something you really enjoy you become how shall i put it.. resentful? as they become increasingly less helpful, more disconnected... to me i find mazes a fascinating enterprise in group dynamics. How impatient, leaderless, upset, competitive... i found Meg to be encouraging though wry and Dandelion to be like an altered personality so much that i rambled on about battlestar galatica and that scene where that one guy finds out the girl he loves is like an evil clone of someone who is someone who is someone. Why did you come!? Why didn't you say, hey not into it. But anyway we didnt have the strength to complete the 3rd as they both were underhydrated and weren't using their umbrellas to shield themselves as i constantly was- having learned my lesson from nearly dying the day before-- so we never completed the wilds of the women's maze. And the wind one, was peaceful and calming and circle shaped in a traditional cretian? form- where the stone one, the element i most related to had me thinking of david bowie and small talking worms and seemed more magical, less ethereal. The girl in me was positively thrilled and thought that her fun had been dangerously close to being spoiled. She thinks to herself- i'll come back without them. Another day and wander and imagine without them... she emerges from the place feeling satisfied but also like so little of the place was explored.

The third place was the nutmeg forest.  Where each of us had our own test of will and of spiritual something or other. The other two both seemed to think the buses had stopped running and that they weren't sure how we'd get home but they both kept walking. I didn't try to say they were wrong- i just thought oh... so? what should we do. But we kept walking. On down the road and into the forest. No one mentioned the sun setting or the prudency of entering the forest near to closing time. (apparently already after closing? according to the website). But that's thing. It was like it was meant entirely for us. The ticket lady took our money and let us wander off. Anyway at the entrance into the heart of the wander- We saw a woman washing her feet and it seemed something to be done. This walking barefoot across the beneficial red volcanic rock. So we did. It made the journey slow but we constantly glanced with wonder at the dappled sunlight cutting through the trees and the slight breeze. The sounds and the quiet. The intimacy of the road as the last of the people trailed out as we pressed deeper in. It was serene. None of us seemed to be saying we should turn back. So on the last portion when the stones became really big we still went on, in pain personally- but like something i had been mentally preparing myself for since I got here and decided to start stone walking (as they're in all the parks and resting places as a meditation and as a healing aid). Megs at one point said as she blithely numb to the pain due to high tolerance? or deadened nerves that I could just put my shoes back on. I took that as a challenge and only as we were 1/2 way in glanced at the time and how the sun had set and that we were losing light fast... but none of us put our shoes on. We all kept walking. I decided as i had some choice words to say at some sharper points that hit my feet that instead of just expressing this pain, as in life, i should give it to God and talk to Him about it. And that as we traverse as we traversed the cave- It was impossible not to keep your feet and eyes on the road bcs of the uneven surfaces. It made it impossible to consume the space unless you stopped. You couldn't just stroll through- it became a testament to a life lived not consuming idlly but purposefully pursuing something in the midst of both pain and pleasure. Glancing up and stopping because i needed relief and the trees some 100's of years old standing there fixed and timeless or a testament to life, and then glancing back down and trying to pick the smoothest path possible but still feeling every thing under your feet and enduring. So that by the time we reached the 800 year old tree. The oldest one on the island it was shrouded in dark, and seemed for such a time to be lost and searching and wondering- perfect to not be able to see it all- in its starkness- and because our journey wasn't over we could hardly stop to relish in it or contemplate it. This is where we finally put our shoes back on. I never moved so fast. I bolted past the two others. I felt light and free and unencumbered. And there was such a peace and sense of knowing and being as we finally arrived to an abandoned parking lot in the now dead of night.

Still- how to get home. The other two i dont know- what they wanted- it got weird. Whatever was in the forest seemed over or separate from the reality they experienced there where as i saw it as a continuation- that is the critical thing- the peace, the message, translated over to me- but for them reality came crashing- they had places to be, things to do, and i only saw a few options- sleeping in the forest, getting a taxi or getting rescued... and they felt suddenly burdensome, and stupid foreignerish, and foolish and irresponsible and while i felt- vaguely like i shouldve known better - i didn't. That this happens to us whereever we are in the world trying something new and risking... And found it impossible for me to feel at all bad for where we were since i felt with assurity that we would be able to get ourselves out. I wasn't phased.

But as you know when ones panic rises and the other calm meets it there is a clash... as I resented D for being remote in the maze or how as we walked out the heat was thick and shocking to the icy cold and quiet... we stood at polar opposites and i tried to reconcile the gap perhaps foolishly to get them to speak the same language i was experiencing but it wasn't translating. I came off careless and glib and unfeeling. This is where after all the mazes we wandered through, it finally broke us- the test- i came out carrying what i'd learned? maybe arrogant to state but we can't blog forever- maybe if i wrote it out more-- but they ate it and compartmentalized it. This wasn't a maze. This was life. This wasn't spiritual this was practical. It was serious. It could've been avoided. Shame on you. Shame on me. Shame on us.

I suppose if this were an imaginary story this is where i dissolve into the forest to go live and they cease to see the forest? It is as J said, very prince caspian... she related it to a story she is living but i see the parallel. Some people don't see the way out. They don't see Aslan. They wander lost and frustated and try to do life perfectly. They think it's them who is working out and solving everything... and so failure hits them more deeply and pride comes up. They don't see it though- so anyway, we were at a community center, there were lights and helpful young adults who were like WTF foreigners!?. A girl said a taxi wouldn't come. I didn't believe her.  If there is money i said to the very anxious M and to the grim D, they will come. A bit later a boy called and said a taxi would come... We were rescued some 30minutes later. It only cost us 5won each. (under $5) I said, God showed me how safe i was today. D laughed. Unkindly. As if i was mocking or ambivilant to the peril... but We caught the last bus into town ($1). And we got back to "reality" at 10pm after having some dessert at the beach convinience store and then found the lighthouse restaurant oddly closed. I went to bed hungry and D and i got into a fight which she didn't think was a fight and didn't really think she was mad that we might as well have been experiencing two seperate realities which we're still experiencing. It's my fault for emailing her back and cutting when i shouldve just capitulated... and then Megs brought me food. And i skyped and chatted and processed about the alienating differences and the aura of some spiritual transaction occuring. Of course we all want to go back there- or at least D does and I do. But I dont know if i would do it differently. She would- different people, better planned, on her terms. And now thinks she wants nothing to do with me. But either way it won't be the same. I still think... hmm, something happened out there. I wonder exactly what it was. But something broke btw friends. Something was mended. Other things fortified. A mixed bag but i suppose for my soul- transcendent.

xo,m.
(from the nutmeg forest)
(ok really i'm going to go get conveyor belt sushi)

here we go -

Oh you’re so right. Yesterday was my turn, and I told myself the whole day, blog something dammit. And it was right there on my brain. But I was dealing with my iPhone, which has turned out to be a lemon – it’s okay, I’ve already cried about it. I’ve turned it on it’s head so that it’s something hilarious. (It only wakes up from sleep mode when it feels like it? And occasionally jumps to life and takes an empty screen shot of itself? HAHAHAHAHAHA.) (Sigh.) (Sob.) And I’m going to the store today to amend.

So anyway, there was a lot of googling and finger crossing and restoring and conversing with customer service and tech support all day and night.

I’m dying for you to download the latest of ProRun and watch it immediately. So we can discuss. Because – gah. Just watch it. I enjoyed the candy challenge somewhat, marveling at the swirly gummy shark pattern, shaking my head at the falling apart pseudo-macaroni dress (seriously? just because it’s called pina colada twizzler does not mean it translates to visually awesome) and rolling my eyes at the designers who still, after TEN YEARS of fandom, do not understand that that unconventional materials challenge is about creating a fabric-esque illusion. And then sewing it into something bad-ass. You can’t just grab any existing material you see in whatever candy store or trash heap you’re thrown into and pretend that has anything to do with the price of eggs. Or, more horribly, take the challenge so literally as to craft a candy shop worker’s apron. What. Ugh.

I have some favorites so far – I like Ven’s designs, even if his personality’s sort of fuddy-duddy. I like the chick with the blue hair. I want to like Rooney Mara and probably would if she didn’t crumble under pressure and turn out things that are clearly way less than her best. And what about the crafty-kitschy lalala weeeeee! guy? Last night he said – without giving away anything major – something like, I just feel sad. And when I feel sad, I cannot work. I want to feel happeee. I think I love his spirit but ultimately raise my eyebrows at his design and craftsmanship.

Anyway… summer break is winding down. Mercifully. I mull my photographical and blogging hiatus – what has that been all about? Or maybe I should just not ponder and get on with it. Because picture-taking is ultimately this solid way of practicing gratitude for the beautiful things in my life…

I flippin’ love your maze pictures. I want to know more about that. And though we haven’t been blogging, let’s at least note we’ve been e-chatting regularly. So the disconnect is strictly limited to blogging. (Well and long emailing.) But we do need to remember that our letters to each other contain their own unique value not worth dismissing. Maybe our August sentence will be bring us back to that place where we know it.

Also, I laughed out loud at your appeal to – if only! – reach that place of contentment a la Peter Gibbons (yeah I had to IMDb that), sifting through the smoldering ruins of Initech. Ahahaha… Indeed.

xoxoxox

pen

Um, Pen

So day 2... i mean we didn't officially talk about it but i think that one belonged to you? I'm here at a coffee shop called cafe bene. I think my latte was made with half hearted interest, as ive become a connoisseur now of lattes being made with love or indifference or in my mind weak coffee. Eventually i'll have to give up and go on to cappuccinos. But never mind. The day has been idyllic despite sand blowing into my ears at the beach- puffy clouds, cool water, loveliness. Then a trip into town for food- the conveyor belt sushi belt place isn't open until later so I suppose if i stayed here a few more hours i'd have dinner there - but i don't know. I ate at burger king. Which i inherently feel bad about like it's food wasted, time wasted but nevermind.

Work is fighting it's way into my consciousness as it looms closer. With that feeling of dread of going back. And that need for a hobby it doesnt seem i have time for. The tension from loveliness to that feeling is making me not want to type- to give up and resume reading or staring into space. It's because I can't resolve it. It just is. What's to work out except to say, God, please I dont want to dread work. And why do I dread it... I know why... but why must i work in a place that makes me dread it.... is it possible like that mythical story officespace to arrive at a place of peace and be like "fucking A." as you clean up the debris of a burned corporate enterprise. I want to believe in a place like that- that i can reach that place....

So I'll go onto something else. I got an allergy test yesterday, four years or so in the making right? I can go into shin on tuesday and get the results. I'm curious. It seems so unneccessary and yet i do love tests and information that's directly related to me. Win/win right? I asked him about the numbquad thing i've had for the past 3 years and he said yes, it is probably related to your lower back and you probably should try a chiro first- and we are our own best doctors yes? Weight loss, correct posture. Etc. Yes. yes. Mmhmm. And i was already so exhaused by Megs freaking out over skin cancer and her irish ancestory and to the thick and heavy psychic energy surrounding hospitals in general that going back for any length of time whether xrays or "other" seems almost impossible to me.

It might be time to go back to tanning. The threshhold of thoughts being held delicately on... i may be in a foreign land but the thoughts are the same. The structure i find myself in new, but familiar. I'll try to talk about love and prayer in the other place or here. Someone ask me some direct questions.

Through timea nd space.

my love, m.

dear one (long cat saga?)

greetings from a foreign land. it's hot today- 90+ with 80% humidity. i had the feeling i could tan by the beach all day but really i should be writing words. which have been sorely lacking in my letters to you. a disappointing trail of my time here which at times borders between epic, challenging and ridiculous but never not noteworthy. and now we'll barely remember exactly what i went through. though i know we grow reticent of recapping and commenting on life when we should be living it. i expected even on this vacation time to have more time - that my boredom would push me to write. am i so out of practice? nevertheless. here i am.

the title of my novel will be something like "the yowling cat, my yowling self"... i do like, param, the cat-my ward. as her full name. she's taught me a lot about love. I had that feeling when I was like-- God, can I ask for my money back, i thought, did my parents ever have that thought- the cost of this creature that they're responsible for. even the simple willingness of my parents to receive the cat is causing waves here- of the kind of people they must be. it speaks volumes. while i am ever amused that even across the rim of fire, an ocean, that i manage to still bring cats home. there must be some mythological concept, some deeply engrained genetic something that compels me- and simply home is safe, a refuge and at various times cats and friends need the safety of my home. and so why wouldn't i send everyone and everything there? it makes the most sense to keep things there also. i wouldnt have thought of it any differently.

but the adventure of the cat- since there seemed to be so many pieces was as overwhelming to me as moving to korea. i had that same point of shut down upon hitting the home stretch of not having a place to stay in seoul for myself or the cat. but before that- let's back up- God said to me, he really did- i have brought this cat to you and you're to care for it. you aren't to give it up. kris confirmed to me that as i had the cat stuffed in the backpack when i first found it on the way back from the vet. and that conviction stuck with me even as i calmly stared at my boss freaking out over the cat discovery of '012. to the cat's return...to her freaking out again... to the cat's departure...but the meditation on love will have to wait) first she went to karma's. she's got a cat named Stella, and a husband who doesn't like cats. Also he's a light sleeper. And the ward was in heat at the time. And the buildings aren't insulated and and... after that, she came home for a couple days and got her shots and the vet kept her for a day and I gave him a pineapple as a thankyou. Then off to Eun-ju the hairdresser, who's never had cats before i'm fairly sure. So it was a shock to no one that she just barely made it a week- did we mention japanese bts are a "vocal" breed? I gave her box of cherries I'd just bought as a thankyou. Slightly resenting her inability to adjust or tough it out or i dont know what. There were sincere apologies on both sides as I left with the cat intow. Buses, taxi rides (insert here).

After that it was 2 possible leads that fell through and the turn toward shipping her to LA. She found refuge at the other vets office (once again set up and negotiated by kris), surrounded by small yappy dogs and i believe at least one vet tech who was clueless on how to handle cats. But there she was for two weeks in a crate. What to do. I guess the mainpoint i was freaking out on besides the cost was her non-spayed status and koreanair being all- we dont take cats that are in heat (which with param/i'dsayperpetual). I dont know why but I could see all the ways in which the whole situation might become a disaster that i was relieved at every turn of God's consistent mercy. But the cat herself was such a weighty overwhelming thing. So that by Thursday night i went to the airport and bought the ticket in person double checking on forms. I'd called the EastAir people and had two korean speaking peeps call them too, as well as emailing them, until i was certain they were sick of me and the other thing I found to panic about was that by the time i'd booked my ticket the earlier flight to jeju was sold out so I knew i'd just barely make it to work before the first class started.

What have you. So, on friday Kris said the cat place she thought of in seoul wasn't going to work out. She asked me, what are you going to do I said, (in the midst of planning both friday and monday classes), I don't know. I'll figure something out. At which point Megs and Kris were both like uh no. Which is the same thing Amber and D said when I was leaving for Seoul the first time without a place to stay. But mental capacity to take on new problems and issues was hit and there was no way i could find room to figure it out. And this is where in all humility I bowed to the kindness of people as Kris called her sister in Seoul who apparently has bad health and her husband allergic to cats, and asked her to take the cat for the 2 days I was in seoul. I was speechless.  K called me multiple times to make sure i was on the right subway, not running late, leaving on time, and midway btw points on my sightseeing calling me to tell me of the cats progress, behavior, meowing, puking, sleeping, playing and living ways- as K's sister hasn't ever had a cat before either and they have a dog. I can only imagine the calls btw K and her sister as they diagnosed the cats everystep. Apparently though they were up for the mystery and inconvinience, and again speechless and such a shock on the limits of my kindness and the capacity for it in us, others... I at one point didnt want to see her name pop up on my phone anymore but each time nothing was really wrong. So it was fine, more a humurous punctuation each day.

Meanwhile Saturday i pick the cat up, i can't manage to communicate to the vet that i have no where to put the litter box or food bowls and wanted him to keep them until i got back, i shoved them behind a hedge where i forgot them and then eventually though i haven't really checked, am pretty sure they're gone now. But anyway, then to the cab driver who didn't understand the charade motion for airplane and was circumspect of even my korean/english book with the word at my fingertip- but anyway- it's raining. This leg of the amazing race begins... The airline then stares at me blankly but after many words- i say- paper- cat- finally she understands i need something to fill out to take her on board. Not done and thinking i can get a quarantine certificate multiple calls are made to korean air, and my friend sarah and the help desk and then a trip to the cargo place and more calls and the annoyed guy and more calls to say- no it's saturday, you can't get that here you can get it in incheon. They're all confused that I'm flying the cat myself to gimpo and then to incheon. But anyway, off i go. The cat stays mostly quiet. An hour later were landed. Navigating my way to the airport subway and another 40min to Hongdae where i find the right exit and the one woman from nowhere running to me, with her sister kris on the line, and more needless translating as she looks at the crate, the soft carrier, the food and is like- ok. No, no, it's nothing. Don't worry. She asks if I have a place to stay- I lie. I have a few names but not a firm location. I can tell the way this is leaning that K is close to making me stay with her sister. I say no, no. I have a place, it's X. Which way is that? Ok? Ok. There's no way i can do that to them.

Meanwhile i duck into a tapas restaurant with free wi-fi and decide to find this one place over here on this map on this random street and leave before it starts raining again. For some reason as i am intremittently drenched during the weekend, I wouldnt' bring myself to buy a $2 umbrella and obstiantely wore my too large and illfitting bright red rain poncho-- garnering amused stares from couples if i were cupid or red riding hood I'm not sure. But anyway I found the place. I meet a guy named Andy who's a couple days in to teaching and talked his ear off about it and hopefully gave him some encouragement and then there was seoul to explore. Not really planned once again.

I wandered. I turned on a street I'd just happened to watch a video about. I stumbled on the location of a popular korean drama. I went to a cat cafe and petted some cats and thought it was slightly strange, depressing, and soothing all at once and went to the main castle-- palace? whatever? from another awesome korean drama that had me in tears back in march and i called it a day. Woken up intermittently with "oops. shh. i'm drunk. quiet. sorry guys. sorry. oh no. ouch. sorry guys" (party hostel alas)... the next day began... is this boring? sorry. Im a little brain dead but feel compelled to relate the rest...

The next day i found a churchservice and walked in on the last 20 or so minutes. Enough to ponder godly suffering vs. human suffering. Or was it Godly sorrow? Maybe. But meanwhile I got all choked up by the time we were singing amazing grace and was just done by the time the mens ensemble sang blessed assurance. A woman I met named Seung hyun said, I did a lot of crying today. It helps. She said. I wouldve talked to her more but we were being overtaken by a korean service starting apparently 2 min after- ala gilmoregirls- they boxed up those english hymns and put out korean ones in nothing flat. And i was again cut adrift. To wander through the art district, find my way down a set of stairs strangely reminiscent of my spiritual landscape to a coffee house called rousseau rousseau to an excellent latte. The day was solid until i started wandering around for a massage place and couldn't find. Exhausting myself with the irony of exhausting myself looking for a place to relax. It was entirely TOO metaphorical to ignore. I found a burger place instead. And eventually did wash all my cares away with a footmassage after three more failed attempts. And after that I was just bored with being alone. The more i travel the more bored I become at seeing just pretty and pleasing things. Without stories its just pointless. Without someone to share it with unless its extraordinary really difficult to enter into without just moving along and skimming the surface. After that i paid for a pricey persimmon bingsu and again an early night. To up way to early- my brain of late running on idle and not shut down.

To the cat exchange. To more calls. To the quarantine office and barely a glance at the cat to 10won and a paper and that was it. What! that was it! ALL OF THAT! WHAT! THats IT! To the cargo terminal being in the middle of nowhere i was ready to run across the swamp and at the last minute saw the free shuttle bus as i jogged with cat in hand onto the bus with relief. to being lost despite the map i forgot i had that the guy sent me- to korean air and eastair being all (*$&(*&! foreigner! from one building to the next, and then with disdain throwing away my $8w water bottle for the cat and giving me a new one, and packaging up the cat. to the ... we need cash ps. and i'm all uH!? thankfully i had enough and it was only 1/2 of what i thought- at about $250. they drove me to an atm. time ticking away. and then sat the cat back next to me as if i was going to give a tearful goodbye. i waved. i said, goodbye cat. and as minutes went by and i shrugged- finished? And he's like yes. And I'm thinking uh... ok?! And both the elder dudes didn't even say goodbye. They were so ready to be DONE. rude!

Anyway off i went again and found a random airport bus heading toward gimpo so i just got on it, not part of the plan but whatever and made it- for them to be all standby! anEYO! no. so... 1pm flight. And my knees, the space so tight that ive ever flown- the woman next to me was like, no, and complained for me to the attendent whose polite smile sliced like a dagger- the employees sitting in the front bay seats moved without a word and let me have the aisle seat. The lady ended up beating me off the plane and got the taxi first but i was second and there i was with 15minutes to spare before work having completed a record awesome feat of awesome. Totally had that jumping onto the mat feeling of success. Hurrah... ! Then of course my boss ruined it all by yelling at me on that wednesday in the middle of a typhoon- khanun but whatever. That's another story...

Thanks for putting up with this pen. Was there something else? I can hardly think what... i suppose i should head home from this coffee shop. It's probably nice at the beach now.

Dear one,

It's the same ole same ole really. I just wanted to make sure i slept solid and long. That whereever I went in my sleep made me ready for the morning and for work. We hope for the day that the cat situation will finally resolve itself in a bunch of tenuous times that I have to meet in order to safely take the cat to the heart of my soul- LA. We hope the booking agent gets back to me or that the one guy who speaks english answers when i call out of impatience or that my coworker has mercy and helps me book a flight to seoul and finds that place to take my cat in the meantime. It's all a bit much though. Hanging in the gap and ready to grapple my way to the otherside - tired of shouting out and down about which line to take so i can reach the top safely. Tired. That's all. I'm not fighting for my life or anything.

And i persist on doing things. Spending too much money on too many lattes and shaved ice desserts. I got my hair cut and thinned for the summer which is crazy that i did that anyway. I saw that silly john cusak movie called the raven. It was almost something but it fell short. I was still entertained as i snacked on too much popcorn and tried this squid snack my fellow dragon S loves to get. She's the one who dragged me to the stylist and i appreciated her assistance that we were just going to get it done. I got bitten like 6 times by mosquitos last night. I really do need to get a net.

What else. I got perfume on stick. And a face mask. I set two butterflies free from windows they insisted they could magically fly through. I saw an art installation on the faraway west side of the island. I got a crick in my neck because of stress and sleeping on it wrong. I debate making dinner for myself. The more practical side of myself will probably lose. I think I should just go the beach now. Part of me resists the rest. But i think i should go.