Fall Splendidness

Ah, yes. Another adventure at Balboa Lake. Man made, but not unglorious full of interesting birds and rogue packs of geese. We biked the perimeter of the park, and topped it off with speeding thru sloped tunnel areas and stretching on the grass. A perfect saturday. One might almost say idyllic as we chatted and wended our way... discussing politics to why there's a park in the middle of the san fernando valley. I say, thank god for friends and flood plains.

On a Given Saturday

Risen early. A leisured morning. I wore my darkblue sun dress, having lately reclaimed the color from my somber past. The compliments I received and the look of my warm complexion in it overrode the fleeting cringe. A couple months ago I bought the first yellow shirt I’d ever owned and I would have rather worn that. But the white skirt, coincidentally bought with the blue dress was stained- it was the first of that color for a skirt too, and the yellow and white made a pleasing pair. Daring I thought, in all my now 32 years.

I stood on the train platform glancing around to make sure I was where I was suppose to be, favoring my right knee and noting with a smile that though silver and slick, trains had lost none of their romance. My meager supplies wouldn’t carry me far but my trip down the coast to San Juan Capistrano carried me far enough out of my own mind and into the fabric of my heart- azure sea, old plastered walls…

I tested several seats and still found myself going backwards and windowless, but it seemed perfect to tuck my feet up and incline my large frame- read my book about an island and wished myself there as the train blurred the landscape. My brow, in unguarded moments contracted in dissatisfaction- Claudius would say to bear our hearts in grief and our whole kingdom contracted in a brow of woe… but I have no idea what this bearer mourns, and yet she does, unabated on two weeks.

I heard the clipped cadence of “tickets please” and with things for though contracted, a smile of amusement would play upon these lips, as this anachronistic man stopped short, hand extended, punch, punch, with his hat just so in all seriousness moved through the train.

I arrived and was not upswept in arms embraced. Neither a man, nor a lover, my friend was late. My feet brandished the concrete nature of here and now as I was carried into the orbit of my friends distress, her joys, her questions, and how she speaks to me as kindred, as an artist… and we landed after many turns on a quiet Café Mozart for lunch. I had chicken schnitzel and with each bite incongruously took me to Turkey. The Germans are everywhere I said. Elisa nodded in agreement. From one German to another it seemed to be so… I wished to be everywhere also. And we were the only diners at the restaurant.
As we talked I wondered how the place stayed in business and she said, parties. And like a magic word uttered the crew quietly set themselves up around us. One stack of white something or others moored themselves before my eyes and then tables with rapidity rolled by and built up like a break to the right and then the umbrellas around us flew off their ornamented tables and one by one they themselves disappeared in the wake. Until our table, lonely and the sea impatient, waited to consume it.

And finally when as we rose and wadded past the shops it seemed as if the structure of our lives was breaking up around us so that I was quiet and did not wonder where we would land but felt the sand, and noted the sun and we, racing toward I know not what. Until with luck and a late train I bounded to meet it.
But the arch of the evening came on and I found myself in Hollywood sitting on a curb waiting to be picked up and feeling the quiet of a side street about to give birth to a sprawling complex. It would never whisper as it did now- and over dinner and a chance encounter with other friends I found myself full and brimming. And Kerry said, here I bought you this. And out came this black workout outfit for $10. And in the parking lot by our cars I put on the pants and took off my dress and found myself garnered in the soft comfort of mourning colors. My red bra only exposed for a short time…

Social, by M (bonus post)

Usually I'm pretty reluctant to go places and do things, that I have no interest in, but sometimes without warning I've agreed to too many things I do have interest in. It's an all or nothing sort of thing. Saturday I embraced the do everything, anywhere, in an all out leisure adventure. First hiking with GrainofSand, and Amber. She says, that reading the blog would be like getting a recap on what she's already experienced, so she doesn't, since I tell her most everything. She's like the more snarkridden, more sarcastic, critical, more pragmatic, less artistic, more driven conservative side of me, who also watches bad movies and is less adventurous with food.;) But anyway she powered us up the hill at a fabulous place but did not enjoy the flowers by the narrowed path, or how the valley stretched below, or how the cool mist ascended on us but it was a good time. As Sarah humored my musings about the flowers and the weather and was slightly less annoyed by the dogs then Amber... So then, Danica made tea for me. I have fabulous friends. There's no denying. We watched prehistoric birds at the Arboretum, observed all the cherry and fruit tree blossoms, got misted on and walked and walked and walked and did not feel the time past one bit. Then Kerry called me and I made way to meet her at the Opera. Free tix yo. They're having a series called, Recovering Voices, of artists who were "repressed" during the Nazi regime. Pretty interesting, and a fairly entertaining evening. Though at first Kerry didn't think I'd be interested. I'm like girl?! do you KNOW me! I go to the symphony and do other slightly pretentious things all the time. She thought though that I didn't go out at night and somehow aligned my disinterest in one activity as a broad hatred of all activities. No, just things I'm not interested in. I think that's pretty common. There's a balance between friends pushing your 'what you like' boundaries and finding things in common to do together, or doing things just because you want to spend time with them. Obviously. I am constantly tormented by this balance. When to be a recluse, when to grasp at activities, when to say, hey let's do it because I know it's important to you... being okay with saying no, but not alienating, sometimes the perfectionist side of me says, You're going to stay home and watch tv and not worry about any of it... and then the other says, You're gonna do it all and right now. But when, and how to fit it all in I don't know. But at least this day I can say was a success- everyone working together, being in the moment and enjoying life race by one minute after the next. Exhausting.

Miscellany

You think just because we come back on a friday means were going to blog on the weekend?! I guess. Sure okay. For you guys- since we've been gone so long. Currently the Mariachi music is blaring and mom has called the opcays. You see going through (It's murder trying to write with caps by the way.) the blogs has taught me that somethings never change. Other things, god i can't fucking concentrate. It's too much. Who cares really. Pen needs to finish her edit and I need to finish my website and I've already gone through all the boxes in the attic, which seems to have developed into an annual tradition. I got rid of one box, have a giant poster of darth maul and a life sized carboard replica of r2-d2 which need a home. Anyone? I'll take pics later. I don't know why but i'm compelled to go through every box i have and look for things to throw away or put back out. Thrown: red pants, a fake street sign "merecedes strasse", a plate with embossed angels on it, 2 empty lemonade bottles, a hideous sweater from "your parent's 80's christmas party", hideous plate from turkey, beach mat, old brown box alarm and radio... Kept out: small basket, chinese balancing balls, guatamalan coin. Now i can get back to more serious things like complaining about my sore foot, and charging up my credit card and boring you with pictures of hikes and goodness knows what, maybe tea or old BBC shows like Sapphirre and Steel and the fact that the letters on my keyboard are wearing away.