hey babe,

it was an odd day. i dont know. i'm not feeling spiral oriented exactly but eh. just eh. maybe just a long come down from the enthusiasm of volleyball and the busyness of last weekend. and after all today is wednesday. not even a weekend. so maybe that was throwing things a bit too. i didn't want to go to a beach on the otherside of the island and so didn't have an orbit to get sucked into and apparently i was left floating into space. and then doing bad math about when our next random break was which is exactly 7wks away when i'll have a week to be bored? i dont know. i'm really going to have to come up with a plan. i thought about going to japan but i've been spending a bit too much this month and a week there would do some damage to the downward trend not to mention the won not doing well anyway... like my eating habits in the last 2 wks. along with a lack of water. i mean i'm here but now i have "goals".

so today, i went hiking and that was good. (messy warmth and growth and vertical challenge and time with God) and then my enthusiasm for independent travel sort of tanked into an inefficient mess of wandering and being completely noncommital with myself. nothing really appealed. i thought i would go see a movie- when it came down to it: wrong times, too many people, not quite the right movie, but i did go to at least 2 movie theatres just to stare into space trying to convince myself it was something i should do. i went to see where the foreigner clinic was in shin: i walked right by it because i just didn't want to go inside, i kept walking, to the next unsuccessful event, though eventually on my way home, got off the bus, to see the hospital mostly quiet bcs of the holiday and reluctantly peeked in just to see the layout and then left just as fast to catch the next bus home. the two sure things after the hike were my enjoyment and eventual regret of the frap (cool tasty relief/too much sugar) and that the ipod battery hung on long enough to let me listen to the book both coming and going from shin where i did nothing at all for hours, but walk and reject things i thought about doing so suredly hours before. i did have a good lunch in btw. i suppose the day took a turn around 130. i was back by 6. it was amazing how much i failed to do in that amount of time. i probably should've turned around after lunch and went to sleep on the beach. but they're bulldozing it for summer? or uh? somesuch?

anyway- i think overall i just kept expecting something- to run into someone, for something to catch my eye, for something outoftheordinary to happen? maybe? so hard to say.

oh and i have a veracose vein, and my cat's in heat again... shocking. oh also- woh to your snake story?! i'll uh, pretend it made it out alive. i remember as a kid at my school people flipping out and killing snakes- it always made me a bit sad- they were always harmless gopher snakes... now the one time the guy killed the rattlesnake with a shovel and then cooked it at camp...i mean ok... and no words for fake recycling. it's like you've discovered the other reality neo. just know that i'm having to ocd trash it for you- white bags we buy for combustible "trash trash", the compost bag which is foul and dumped into an equally foul bin, and then the paper bin, and then the plastics/metal/glass bin... so yah.

also also, trying not to fear the humidity and yet i do. you know i do. dread. non-evaporative non-coolingness. it comes. it comes. the weekend promises to be warm. and though the battery on my new/used phone is acting up i did finally acclimate to wi-fi access. small victories.

ok enough- my love,
xoxo, m.

Penelopisces,

I keep thinking of inexplicable weeping Virgin Mary statues, but maybe that has nothing to do with anything. I’m sure it doesn’t.

Thank you for this most endearing distraction. I can endlessly muse on why as a water person you are so territorial about who invades your space. The fish prove to be provoking and mysterious in the ways in which they displace your calm seas. Perhaps you are the aggressive fish in the preverbial tank? So there's some part of you that resents their presence. Though i'd much prefer if your tank was truly taking on signs. But I'll settle for the signs already laid out- there may only be room for you in the water. I am not certain.

Yesterday I hung out in the shade and stared into space. There was some marvelous talking toward midday and I even managed to swim 20 lengths (a meager amount in my mind). But you get the general tone of the day. The parents also have taken to getting marley to clean the plates after dinner. He actually does a pretty good job of it, but the Bodo void as I might call it is fairly strong. Dog vacuum? It frustrates all your expectations of coming home, going outside, dropping things on the floor. (sad face). But what to do. He was maybe will have been the best dog ever. And after moping? Mope. After his non-presence I mostly just wandered around and ate popcorn way too late. And could not be induced to do much of anything else. Ok, well I did find 3 things to give away. Somehow the does always make me feel better. And all the while house international was on. I couldn't even imagine why they went for the house near the golf course. And after a dose of holmes inspection I am now very concerned about termites- wood contacting dirt is BAD. Is all I'm saying.

Beyond that I've got that twitchy or not so twitchy restlessness about me. Being bored with being bored is where I might be at. There's nothing on tv, the internet and who wants to read! Bah. Despite the other day my 1924 text translated from the German in 1995- did contain a sentence using the word "gim-crackery". It was fantastic. We'll let it all go and reexamine next week. I mean i owe money on taxes. Granted I am only $20 short for the month. But where is it going to come from? Can God's provision not include my indebtedness to others. Despite the awesomeness of being in relationship. Which I do like. But not the creditcards. Hmm. Oh and I've been the same weight more or less since last July. I mean I know that's mostly a good sign? Sort of. But really its just another sign of things not changing. Whine. Are we sure I don't have some nutty pituitary issue? I could be eating too much popcorn and ok, bacon for breakfast, but really in order to see results what must be done. Let's not talk about strenuous exercise. Though maybe another trip up the mountain is in order? I don't think my body will hold out though. So nevermind that. Not eating or radical healing are the only other options.

Meanwhile Lent is going well. To bring back the fish analogy- where am I going to cast my net? Lord, teach me how to fish and show me where the best spots are. Tap my shoulder and point as i dangle my feet out over the edge of the water. Hours/Days may pass but let me respond to your prompting and cast the line.

(I mean i imagine that is what fishing is like. Lots of endless water. No results. Then... BAM. Right? I'm a fisherman right? That's how I'm feeling. Baitless and hungry. A barbarian perhaps just stumbling upon a stick. There's all sorts of places this could go.)

Loves,
M.

Uh, Hmph.

Hello Good Blog readers! I remember a time when I used to be curious about things. Events struck me as funny or tragic, people were intriguing- there were stories to tell, quandaries to puzzle… But now it all seems rather routine. Work while busy is mainly uneventful. No one eccentric to blog about besides the editor, the cute boys in the office and maybe how many different color post-it notes we can get or how much petty cash we can spend on starbucks and pastries before we get cut off. And of course the great aluminum foil incident of June ’07…

I lost my ATM card and it seems no matter how much money I get at the bank to hold me off till the new card comes is never enough. I still need to get mulch, work on my quilt, complete the teardrop stone pathway started 2 years ago and start working out 4/5 times a week. Exercise my foot because my heel aches and go kite flying. Everything seems to be in a “pending stage”… or anything I accomplish just sort of klunks over to the next thing. Am I bored? Is that it? Are pictures of my yard and the new “miss bossy” t-shirt I’m ironon’ing not enough? Where ever I’m going seems to be going at a very slow rate whatever it is. And yet somehow it’s already summer and the solstice will demand I celebrate with beer and cheese and a prayer to dead relatives and then maybe a road trip and a camping trip and hmph…who knows. French and the job and well surely there must be something.