m-a-lem,

I’m watching Top Chef Desserts, which letsbehonest is average at best. As much as I want to love it, I don’t, really. But it’s one of the few shows on our DVR I can watch with J.Lo away. The rest are for the weekends and, I assume, a dead-of-winter marathon.

And by the way, I think the dessert name “whoopie pies” should be banned from the English language.

I guess it’s time to really LetGoAndLetGod, as difficult as that is. Because otherwise, I’m simply frustrated and caught up in trying to solve an unsolvable issue, which is relocation. It can’t be done until our house sells, and nothing is selling. Period. But wait a minute and things will change? Patience is simply not my strong suit. Maybe it’s time to reread Job. And to not analyze the inner workings of miraculous things like adequate home sales in economically depressed conditions. We’re clearly not looking to get rich here – simply to provide. So all that’s left is prayers.

Otherwise. I’m hanging in there with the solo management gig, doing more or less well most of the time, although occasionally by the end of the day I silently devise plans to catapult the children into a neighboring state. Also, it would be really nice if the Dinner Fairy could put together something for me. The children’s food is easy. Mine, I sometimes don’t want to put forth the effort.

We briefly had ants in our living room, an inexplicable and never-ending stream, but I think I won that battle? It happens every Fall, and it seems like I didn’t win last year due to inadequate arms; I had to wait for the season to change. Oh, and I’ve also encountered a roach in the kitchen two nights running. I refuse to consider whether or not it’s the same one. It doesn’t matter. It’s only there because J.Lo’s not. Hideousness. And what’s up with the POD? Which is becoming a wildlife refuge of sorts. There are at least two anoles that have taken up residence, the inevitable cockroaches hiding in the dark recesses and who knows what else. They’re not coming with us.

But we did buy more fish today. K.Lo and I had a conversation going into the pet store (this excursion was all her idea) that went something like this:

“Mommy, can we buy a parrot today, too?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“Because parrots are really expensive, like $500.”

“I’m going to buy a parrot when I’m 5 and carry it on my shoulder.”

“Oh yeah? Where are you going to get money for a parrot?”

[shrugs] “I don’t know.”

“Hmm. Well if you have so much money, why not buy us a house?”

“But, Mommy. I can’t carry a house.”

So that plan of action didn’t work, either.

We have Blue Gouramis again, and some gold and black platys. All very pretty. So even though I curse the fish tank every two weeks or so and lament its horrible green-growth issues, it’s nice to have new finned friends.

More soon – love to you.

pen

Who Me?

Word of the Day October 24 mendacious\men-DAY-shus\ adjective : given to or characterized by deception or falsehood or divergence from absolute truth Liza wasn't about to fall for the unrealistic claims being touted by the mendacious car salesman. "Don Draper, the creative ad man extraordinaire on 'Mad Men,' is so deeply flawed that his likability and his possible redemption are seriously in question. A man whose entire life, including his name, is a lie, Draper is a cunning man in a mendacious, predatory world of images." — From an article by Neal Gabler in the Chicago Tribune, April 11, 2010 "Mendacious" and "lying" have very similar meanings, but the two are not interchangeable. "Mendacious" is more formal and literary, suggesting a deception harmless enough to be considered bland. "Lying" is more blunt, accusatory, and often confrontational. You might yell, "You lying rat!" in an argument, but you would most likely stick to the more diplomatic, "Aren’t you being somewhat mendacious?" in a business meeting. "Mendacious" can also imply habitual untruthfulness, whereas "lying" is more likely to be used to identify specific instances of dishonesty.

I would like to know the origin of the word... this great fantastic word, walking the earth in all its awesomeness

penolin,

the boys have gone to the market for dinner so i have time to type. i just gave myself bangs. we'll see if that was a mistake or not later. i started the day with an early swim and then i made it to the frye museum where i was actually disturbed by art. i could feel the creepy evil of it all- from the von keepler? (during the spiritist movement late 1800's) paintings which were mostly of seances, ecstatic moments, and mediums to some weird performance art shite called implied violence and it was literally implied and disturbing and gross and very unsettling. and 15minutes was too long to stay wandering any of the halls. though the permanent collection is restfulbliss . also in the gift shop i found Hildegaard of bensons selected writings for %50 off in a drawer. so i rescued her and then matt, his friend luke, and kyle got me to the Vietnam house, which was tasty. the boys tried tofu but clearly not nearly as good as my herb wrapped beef. lets be honest. we tapped that off with a trip to gasworks park and assembled matts pirate shaped kite and launched it to much acclaim. of course having exhausted ourselves we went to baskin robbins. good thing we're going on a hike tomorrow. also on the way out the door this AM i went to fred meyer and bought some fancy arch supporting socks and a banana and pineapple bits for post swimming... and ok, i may have bought 2 pairs of pants (which i then found totally on sale! lame) there as well earlier this week- cath and amber convinced me i should look there as my pants died on the day of the underground tour so i was indecent most of the day- so now i have some brown and grey cargo pants to bring home with me. which will forever be called the fredmeyer pants. but anyway- who knows what else the evening holds. maybe farkle. certainly not pro-run. so lame. but this heisted internet connection is totally a step in the right direction.

i hope you are not sinking into mires and that there is fresh air and sun sparkling moments to your day and that the tea et al went splendidly. the weather here continues charming despite what they say about a storm. but we'll see.

more anon,

xo, m .

the internet connection is spotty as its shooting through wall upon wall to wall to something. blip it goes. i think this is the longest its held which is why i'm risking it. this AM i made breakfast, did laundry, the clanging of buttons and such ringing in my ears right now along with matts itune collection. i went for a walk in his backyard forest and those were a nest of sparkly you know whats. i just couldn't get any closer. i mean i sort of surprised them anyway. and that car in the garage seemed familiar to me. most likely from forks is all i'm saying. and now i'm waiting for matt who is late- by 40min to come get me so i can drive to olympia with him to do who knows what.

in the forest i got an image of me being helped on with a backpack with loads of pieces of wood, all with indecipherable writing and sent on a raft with a long paddle to guide me. i look back not particularly confident and yet there i go. i checked back with the image later and there was a big barrel of little red fruit plum things. which couldn't be budged if i tried. so i sat on the rim of it instead....

so matts here so any other forest revelations will have to wait, except i'm finding little bits of things to add to shadow boxes when i do those again one day... also i just ate a pickle...

my love,

m.

another letter from m to pen, written by pen to m

So I know you’re looking for the proverbial woods and seemed to discover at least snatches of them here and there – although, I’ll be honest, with the light and sparkles, I just assumed at first you had succeeded in locating my vampires. It’s all about me, you know. Actually, I’m just going to go ahead and believe that, if it’s all right. Since at the moment I am completely, utterly reabsorbed in the Twi-verse. Ah, Edward!

 

I suppose you found some peacefulness in these places as well. Even though it is not quintessential Pacific Northwest with that shiny object in the sky. Be honest – did you pack it in your suitcase?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Um, something’s about to eat you and your friends here…

You all are so cute. Too cute for gratuitous face-blurring, is all I know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WHAT THE WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?

I DON’T LIKE IT.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ah, much better. Lalalalatte.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And this is so the most fantastic of all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

continued love to you on your journeys,

pen

a letter from m to pen, written by pen to m

You’re sending me pictures from your journeys – which is a good thing, because I secretly don’t love your traveling. Not because I don’t want you to travel! Because I do. I love that you do. But because I miss you, oddly? It’s a strange phenomena, because we do not exactly live next door. But maybe I’m smarting extra more this time because @ashleyharp is also MIA? Traveling around the country, being fabulous and whatnot. So even though you’re never here, I also can’t bear when you’re not there. Or something like that.

This picture was a massive improvement over the vampire killer kit. It shows that you really care. Because, in fact, I’m rereading Twilight at this very moment, which you introduced to me before it was even cool – because you have a beat on these things. And even though I think you thought it was a lot less cool once it became cool, it’s cool that you still honor my love for it. And I do love falling in love with Edward all over again. Call it badly written (it kind of is), but damn it is mesmerizing. Much more so than a lot I read in the land of MFAs. I’m just saying. And thank you to Cath of the purple sweatshirt jacket.

And here you all are! Friends. Cute and lovely.

Bathroom mirror shot – hello, you. I’m assuming you’re bored and waiting here? The only time I’ve taken a picture of a bathroom, it was extremely posh. The tiles are striking in this one. It’s a bit maddening actually, their being everywhere. Like a not-so-funhouse.

And a truck. I’m not sure what this one is all about, except that’s a pretty groovy truck and the photo composition does remind me of a painting I once saw?

And I totally love this one. Apple picking, still? Running through the trees with a slight blur. I can only assume she’s dashing off in pursuit of my sparkly vampires.

All right – I’m out, for now. Edward summons. He so wants me to sit by him in the cafeteria while I drink my lemonade. Keep sending photos, and I’ll continue to lament the lameness of your not having a proper Internets connection in this place. Our blog *blocked* in your nearest access point! It’s downright scandalous.

xo,

pen

m, m,

While you’re off in Seattle hunting down sparkly vampires, and not ways to kill them – okay, I get it. You’re a Slayer buff. But seriously, my instructions were pretty specific. I’m looking for an Edward type, standing amongst the piney forests, and sending this picture instead is really unacceptable…

Anyway, I’m at home, enjoying the company of J.Lo, who departs on his journey next week and will be gone during the work week, away, until such time that we sell the house. Although pasta can be eaten every night for dinner – or even ice cream! wine! – and rom-coms can be watched whenever, it’s all seeming pretty grim. 

Whenever I think of moving, I can hear the roots of a tree ripping out of the ground. It’s slow rip, paused occasionally to shake off dirt and just long enough to make one wonder – are we really transplanting? It’s not too late to shove the tree back in the ground, right? It’s grown so well here. But another small rip immediately follows to remind. Stuff, packed. Yard sale items – sold, donated, gone. Work, complete. Volleyball – goodbye. Happy hours and backyard barbecues – friends seen for maybe the last time While We Still Live Here. We know it’s farewell for now and not goodbye, but it’s still a tearing away from what is known, what has worked, what is loved.

And I’ve got Stop this Train running through my head, because obviously a big life change begs the questions of mortality. And how life just races on, done and gone too fast.

See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

But while we roll on – I just hope we’ve picked the right route.

Fare thee well, my traveling friend. I certainly hope you have the Internets while you’re away.

xo,

pen

mzies,

My Spider Lilies in the Yard plan was foiled, not only because there has been zero interest in our awesome house (pray! more!), but because my children are sweet and picked them for me at every turn. Which I really can’t complain about. So now they’re decorating my windowsill instead of the outdoors.

Also, to prove just how awesome our house is, look: A mini pumpkin patch, right by the front porch. Borne from my own laziness last year’s rotted pumpkin. I knew it would happen sooner or later. Probably it won’t develop into anything once it gets cold, but still. It’s magical.

The yard sale this weekend was an insane amount of work, but I ultimately made $300? So I feel like it was all worthwhile. You never get the crew you expect – like this time, people actually bought some tchotchkes and framed prints and the rickety swivel chair – which was purchased by a guy who argued he was rickety, not the chair. And then all the bigger kids’ items, such as the high chair and the baby swing – no one showed up for those. Even though things like that always sell. So this week it will be craigslist city and the rest will go to the rescue mission.

With a few of the proceeds, I *might* (yes) be purchasing a long-desired, long-overdue pair of boots. Which are hot. I hope I don’t break my neck.

Also, as you know, my highly awesome sunglasses tragically broke on Friday evening. We went out to celebrate with J.Lo’s work crew re: His Last Day (gasp! sob.), and I dumbly put them in my purse and piled the purse in the corner of our booth, which obviously doubled as playground equipment. They were irreparable. And it’s sad, because though the cost was negligible, after summer season passes, one just does not have the selection. And I loved these, not only for their dramatic size but because they were a bit rounded on the sides and didn’t look too big for my head. Which is how most of the giant sunglasses translate. So I settled on these, whose sparkle makes up for their slight lack of dramatic size. Here I am, a little sad and wondering why no one’s even looked at the house yet, and how long will I be left on my own while J.Lo ventures on to the greener pasture.

See? Cool, but maybe not quite as cool as the Sunglasses of Summer Past. Or maybe I just need to smize.

xoxo,

pen

Penstorm,

hello friend,

i wrote to someone the other day that, hiho! the seas are rough! and closed the email with "batten down the hatches": which means :To prepare for an imminent disaster. in my research of the word it does suggest hardship, danger or a storm. And while one is busy hoisitng and lashing sails in the roiling sea one cannot get hit by flinging doors, or if while running across the deck to secure the mainsail one shouldn't fall down into the cargo holds. So battening hatches is important. as i place myself upon this tormented body of water I imagine me doing my job, focused and determined, and being on course, but i'm wet and i'm exhausted and i really would like it if the ship would come upon the calm sooner than later and that day would break through the clouds in glorious light. but currently it is the dark of night and the wind is howling, and the spray of water stings. fear wishes to grip me with all the possibilities of drowning and demise, but there is no time to dwell -the chill breath upon my neck... all of this inwardly. obviously. my other soul self in the journey- when she went up into the tree on the side of the cliff of stairs and refused to come down, and is there warm and contented eating fruit, i should've known it was for a reason. my other self the spirit has been wounded in the foot in some way but she's high up in golden white and pink tones, a plucky and determined sort, so she's going to be fine. i couldn't even tell you why my person is upon high seas. there is no particular reason as yet known. and there is some defeated old man roaring like lear on deck and i wonder if like prospero he caused the storm- defiant and trying to run me aground. it won't work. but i can only wonder where i'm going to end up as a result.

in other news today is the last day of work like the last day of school. i packed a lunch and am still going to buy tea and chips. also dune is getting all sorts of crazy! i'm sort of absolutely bummed that i won't finish it before i get to seattle. i'm about 1/2way through. i have the weekend to get a little further but then... i may have to wait another 2 wks to get it all. as i still haven't solved the ipodproblem. i'm going to take it in today. scratch that. saturday. oh and my internet is out at my house. there was a weird power blip on thurs night and its been all beeping and x's and redflashing lights. anyway the rest is noise, and itinerary charts.

my love,m.

m,

I have a really super plan: Just baked banana muffins, so the house smells awesome. And, the freaky, whimsical spider lilies that come around just once a year are about to pop open in the backyard. So, tomorrow morning, the flowers should totally come out, and my smelling-homey house should be solicited for a showing. Sound good? Great. I knew you’d have my back.

xo,

pen

Pensnaps,

so i had some seriously depressive episodes yesterday when i realized i had thought it was friday and it wasn't. it occurred to me also that i don't like 1/2 assing my job out of sheer disgruntledment, boredom, or ill-defined borders. i mean i almost want to apologize to 'dip' for sucking so much... which granted i don't suck that much but i still feel i'm doing everyone a disservice, total failure to thrive. failure to do it RIGHT. i felt this way when i knew i had to get out of stagemanaging. sometime by importanceofbeingearnest and it was like no going anywhere, closing down the doors kind of apathy. but anyway. i recently described to danica the issue facing me about jobs is akin to the issues i had with math. let me recount it for you here:

sometime around 5th grade i got an award for math but by 7th grade my teacher mr.frendt said, but m. it's SO easy. i did not think so. i felt like an idiot. by 9th grade after passing the first semester with a c? or d? not sure, i had to retake a portion of pre-algebra at a thug innercity school over the summer. by 10th grade i harrowingly passed with a C? or B-... i remember really liking it but my teacher mrs. levoe i think said, what happened on that test? i don't know. i never did. but it was always very bad. by 11th grade geometry i had to retake it in summer school just like i had with the pre/alg. by 12th grade i'd convinced my school advisor that taking math would tank my average. couldn't i take art class like i'd always wanted instead? as in 9th grade she had, for some reason stuck me in business principles/accounting with a bunch of thug/soontobeconvict 11th/12th graders, and i had to fight my way into ap english (i know. there are no words).... by admission to college i had to take a YEAR of remedial math. The first was geometry which i learned to love and lose my fear over. i felt smart, i sored. it was beautiful. the 2nd semester was algebra and it was a bit more treacherous but i passed. Then came a non-native english speaker teaching me math and suddenly it was plummeting down the cliff again and UnauthorizedWithdrawl land. THEN barely passing the following semester with a C? an easy class of shapes and geometry... something about those tests going horribly wrong again... anyway this is what i think of when i think of getting a job- or a different job, or finding a way out of myself and a job. i think impossible. i think panic. i think incompetence. and perpetual failure. i do not think positively. i think of people not being able to communicate with me or understand me and something going horribly wrong btw enjoying the learning, game and formulas of it all too the testing out of it all. so any machivellian plan to get me to some other place by well meaning people is going to meet with all of this behind it. is all i'm saying. it is not so easy as "have you thought of... " and "what about..." or "you just need to..."

but anyway enough of that. enclosed please find the following photos over the last part of september.

here i am embracing that fad i told you about. the red ones were cutting off my circulation but such is the price of fashion.


see on my face that sweet smell and light of freedom: the commute after 3months alone is really getting to me and so is the consuming of my days by such hours... esp now its getting darker sooner.

here i am toasting to someones engagement. she didn't text me back. perhaps she thought i was just flaunting the free tea at my yoga studio in her face. i was not. but i have learned my lesson. on a more positive note, they have the most beautiful arrangements... i suppose it makes up for the exorbitant prices per class? i know not.

here i am impressed with my phone at the hbowl. for the s/m/s/along. i mean seriously amazing. also did i mention there is a cross on the hill to the upper right and the harvest moon was rising over it into the night sky. seriously epic.

g4ntwrk. gotta love the boys play space. this is where i play wiitennisnow.
this is vine/hwood roughly as i come into the city from heinous traffic to more street traffic. aka also heinous traffic. though this gap is fairly optimistic.

here i am on mid/wilshire. i had 2 walk like 2 blocks as there was some war with all the foodtrucks outside my office and the other food business places... but then i got to see this. which apparently is the berlin wall? i only worry cuz now it just looks like modern art. same problem i had at the nixon and regan museums...

please note the spectacular skies ... we doNOT get clouds often esp if you're not at the beach. march and october are good months for these magical things, but do note we do not take them for granted. obviously the black sign is representative of the more negative aspect of having to actually go to work in juxtaposition to such beauty. (driving south east)

this was after it rained 2 drops or so that night. the dramatics! so rare a sight.

i just like this design studio...mom texted me the same rainbow she saw... her's was loveliness. we were thinking along the same lines. sometimes...this is where i get on the freeway most everynight. its pretty spectacular lighting. usually just blue.

oh and how did i not load pics of the shoes?! luckily i have a couple on my work desktop to show you... (oh and its not a prison. thats the bathroom that has yet to get new tile. ahem. please focus on how awesome the shoes are.