The White Rabbit

Happy Halloween!!!

My friend Garrett

Yesterday I had my car state-inspected at my local Honda dealership, where I always go for any type of car maintenance. The reason I remain a loyal customer, aside from my (stupidly) pre-paid oil changes, is that Stevenson Honda truly does have fantastic customer service, and I value that. I totally sound like a commercial, and I don't even have the annoying charm of Pat and Ashley and their unwitty banter. But it's true.
Very occasionally, I feel slightly ripped off at Honda, and when I say ripped off, I mean that relatively, because pretty much I always feel ripped off with any type of car maintenance--you pour thousands of dollars into this *thing* that depreciates the second you drive it off the lot, and the least it should do is go for like, 10 years. But I digress. When I say I feel ripped off by the car dealership service department, I only mean that the "labor" charges seem a bit much, and I might have gotten the part or whatever cheaper had I the time, energy, and know-how to shop around. Which I don't, at least for the know-how. Anyway, though, I couldn't be happier with "my" car place. Largely, this is due to the guy who works there, Garrett, who totally and unequivocally knows what he's doing. And, he's polite. Like, unfailingly. Garrett is so polite that yesterday, when I was a good 20 feet from the Service Entrance door with K.Lo and her stroller, and Garrett was about to go in the Employee Entrance door, he changed his route just so he could hold the door open for us. That is so...nice.

Always calm and personable, Garrett's always on top of whatever's going on, even when no one else has a clue. It's kind of amazing, overall, and I just wonder--why is that so hard? I mean, in most of the service jobs I have had, the systems were either too complicated, too uninteresting, or both, and I can't say I always knew what I was doing. In fact, at Verizon Wireless, I rarely knew what I was doing, which is a whole 'nother ball of wax. But I always tried to be... decent. Nice. Everyone has their moods, it's true, but it's kind of too bad overall that Garrett is, more than anything, a rare bird.

day 9- it's really time

time to get the hell out of dodge.
supplies like: apple, cheese, nuts, and cash
tripping over cracks
pulling 50+pounds
catching the bus
running thru film: stripped socks, red leaves, and me
waiting, reading, guzzling water
the broken diet to the golden arches
squealing children and wide eyes
flipping thru pages,
a short runway jolts
the book ends.

Penelope in Wonderland

This weekend I drove up to Raleigh for a Halloween party where I dressed up as Alice in Wonderland, with K.Lo as the White Rabbit. And in light of my recent foray into the uncomfortable world of speeding tickets, I, in true penelope fashion, have been engaged in a little bit of self-punishment for my crimes. So, the real Wonderland was on the road to and from, where I discovered the alternate reality of going the speed limit. It's an interesting universe with its own set of rules and, surprisingly, relief from certain tensions. For instance, BEFORE, getting stuck behind a Buick would really, really enrage me, because it is a law both of nature and car mechanics that Buicks cannot maintain a speed higher than 5 below the speed limit. But now, AFTER, I realize that should you be so lucky to get "stuck" behind a Buick, you will also never get in trouble with the law, at least not for speeding. Also, should you choose, as I did, to drive back from RDU to ILM with cruise control set exactly at the speed limit, rather than 6 mph over, the trip is only a mere 10 minutes longer, and you use approximately one-quarter tank of gas as opposed to nearly a half a tank. Mysterious, but true.

When driving in Wonderland, one must also accept that pretty much every driver on the Interstate will pass you. But in accepting this truth, you are also able to let go of the aggravation in having some drivers pass you, but not others, and then you have to pass a car, and then someone else is riding your tail, and so forth. You can easily free yourself of all this nonsense. When driving the speed limit, there you are, just S L O W. Occasionally, you will find yourself behind a car traveling well below the speed limit, in which case it is no problem to cruise right on ahead with the same speed setting. For the most part, however, there you are in your meandering little world, deaf to the bewildered/cursing drivers shooshing past, singing along to track 5 of John Mayer's Continuum on indefinite repeat until you feel like you might cry. Out of happiness, of course. Ahem. It's the Heart of Life, man.

And in other news, I should report that I have something like a cold, a card that I'm playing to excuse my recent lack of posting, commenting, and emailing. And dusting, cooking, snarking, and basically doing anything other than eating chocolate and watching Season 1 of Big Love. Because other than that I appear to be useless.

Oh, and I think I hate October. More soon on that? Possibly.

pen-over-and-out

day 8- wait, what are we doing again?

this day started with cancelled plans to yoga, despite the fact that we got an extra hour- C did not want to, nor did i in the face of it, and i noted the promised quiche was not coming, so i decided to get us on a boat tour asap. which was beautiful and too short- she sat inside and i sat outside. paying for us was her idea of being able to sit where she wanted, truly i didn't want her to freeze so i wasn't going to complain. we ate at heaven on 7 which is a fantastic cajun place- i got the crabcakes i should've gotten last time... and some gumbo... and the conversation was sort of back to normal except it perhaps strayed to the morbid. c's fam is rife with cancer and a # of other ailments... which meant more than likely she would get cancer, and then she said, wait this is getting depressing, and i said, well if you're going to get cancer we should start talking about it now... we managed also to talk about other things.

so when i said i was going to meet amber and amy she hesitated for unknown reasons to walk me 3 blocks, said she didnt' want to go to the aquarium with us (which she'd decided last night)- that she was going to clean and take a bath (which she'd decided probably a few hours before)... it did not help to change my mind that she did in fact NOT want to spend time with me or that once again spending time with herself was more important- but i pondered that in the face of working all the time, having a perpetual roommate who is always home, and 1 house guest after the next you sorely grasp at the time you see available and i was sacrificed. it smarts a bit, but i see it- and in someway sympathize.

i told her to leave me and i waited for A/A alone for the 3rd time in the argo tea cafe... with a tasty but overpriced chai/tea/soy/latte... reading monsters. they finally came and after waiting for the bus then deciding to take the train i realized we'd never make it to the aquarium in time and said, guys planB. it's just not worth it. planB was the dark and brooding "Presitge"... which gave us no credit and was rather obvious though suspensful and anxiety producing. i love david bowie as nikola tesla. that was enough of a horror story so after dinner we did not go to the sanitorium for ghost stories or to the glassner house for a ghost tour... butnext time...

i reluctantly went back to spend time with c. which seemed unnatural and stilted... i had the impression she wanted me home, but she didn't think to invite a/a over for dinner... and so far it showed no promise for friend bonding. . . but it can't always be perfect- and i could not think of another thing to say but "you're going to bed?"... yes... "okay... goodbye." bcs she left early for work and i would not be up. and i finished watching southpark- satan and his sweet 16. and as i started to pack i----- came home and we proceeded to have a couple hour conversation on philosophy which he's getting his p'hd in and religion and a host of things where i was tired and incoherently blathering but found what he had to say more interesting even if i didn't agree with some of it... so goodnight, sleeptight and don't miss your plane on the morrow.

day 7- a week in one

7 am- wake, go back to sleep
8am- wake, figure i've got to go- remember dreaming of buying furniture for an apt. for cheap- twas a deal except my dad was there and i was driving a very old pick up truck.
9am- picked up by amber.
910- walk ridiculously long time to washington mutual when we could've driven, walk further to see if there's restaurants that take credit card... get to wamu... keep walking... walk back... end up eating at the
10am- golden angel- have the best sausage in recent memory- am elated.
11am- do canoe research, meet with scant results. group of amy and amber bullying me passive aggressively into relenting.
12pm- somewhere in btw we have driven up to devon, randomly popped into a beauty salon and asked where i could get henna- to say they have some and offer me a very offical and 'authentically hand-made' tube... for $5. i cannot say no!
1242- disgruntled my friend amber, who by this time rallied unbelievably bcs she was the one i called on the 5th... remembers why i'm in need of 'special handling' ... so does not complain too much about all the traffic she is now in.
1pm- still stuck in traffic hell.
120- get gas, back to traffic hell.
140- get more cash, get film, halloween candy.
200- get 'lost', find our way back onto the interstate.
220pm- regrettably stop at mc'donalds for lunch. it was 'okay'... vow to get back to healthy eating on monday.
3ish- arrive at CORN MAZE!!!
3:06pm- start cornmaze!
4:31: solve cornmaze- get gold star certificates, buy kettle corn and plan our next place.
445: find canoe "launch"
5:08: after asking for directions find a state park- get info on horseback riding, camping, and go out onto a really beautiful lake and dock while the sun is setting- somewhat satisified but am lacking the glory of leaves changing- decide, can't have it all but you know NEXT TIME.
6pm- at DairyQueen. regret food choices again and am bullied into having a large cone- chocolate, chocolate dipped. really really am going back to the eating right plan when iget back... decide young blonde girl who works there and old man are right out of a movie like 'go'... or 'something oriented in a dark comedy.
808- finally home- check $ balance. stable. low but stable, watch the last 10min of american dreamz.
9pm- apply henna to c---, i---- and myself. have so much i cannot stop except my hand is cramping.
1125pm- still applying henna. must stop- put leftovers away... vow to try again tomorrow if it's still good. . . ditch yoga for sleeping in... write enormously long blog... go to bed having spent a lifetime here already... am beginning to get homesick... but smile when friends rally tomorrow for a boat ride and aquarium visit respectively. more to follow... after sleep.

henna is SO rad.
xo, M.

day 6- backtrack

(it'll come back is all i can say. . .)

today i slept in late and was positively lazy about my journey downtown. i took the redline- am reading a book called monsters- which is really fantastic, about the curse of frankenstein and the real lives of mary shelley, percy, byron, her sister, her parents and all the rest... and really how compromising your morals for the sake of radical philosophy leaves misery and death in your wake! excellent.

got off downtown and walked my way over to greektown- quite a few blocks, overheated in the down coat a few times but made it to the best lunch fair- called ARTOPOLIS- over indulged and had an artopita which is a delicate flaky pastry stuffed with chicken and cheese, followed by a mediterranian salad with a generous helping of feta and dill... and then fancied it all up with some 'blackberry sage' iced tea. ooo. so GOOD. this is one of my most favorite places- and i immediately became centered again with good vibes and good feelings and a positive outlook...

then i meandered back into town to a promitory on the lake called the museum campus- where i again connected with my wayward friend and saw a planteriam show - could only for a while think of that southpark episode where they brainwashed people into loving the plan-EH-tarium... so that when my space show started i duly noted that i would not be suseptible to their death rays... i learned that both gold and iron came from space. far out man. far-out.... also i took a little poll while there- the following questions were: 1.) do you think pluto should be a planet (yes, why not i said) 2.) do you feel bad for pluto? (YES!) 3.) which is your favorite planet (Venus, bcs it reminds me of zsa zsa gabor)...

now next i was trapped on a bus for an hour- typical of chicago. empty when i entered and then proceeded to be packed to the hilt by tourists. 2 spastic children and a couple in an argument later- they moved on and a very delightful austrailian girl of 6 began to talk to me- for about 30 minutes.... and she talked and talked and talked about where ever she'd been and visiting auntie and uncle in windsor and how they had a car but then didn't so it was good auntie and uncle had their car and that there were ever so many things to play with on the plane but mostly it was a very boring place and how they disturbed her ever so much by offering her things all the time. and then near the end she said, "what have you done? i probably shan't understand you but you should tell me anyway." (HA!)... the mom asked if i regretted my choice- but i can say though she was a chatter box- absolutely was one of the most memorable moments thus far- by the end we both got off at the same spot, she went with auntie and uncle and i turned back she was staring sadly in my direction- it was a good thing i turned back to wave- bcs she smiled and waved back. awww.

anyway what awaited me next was the horror that i'd not heard my phone or bother to check it-bcs there were about 5 messages from C--- and had i consulted my schedule i would've realized she got off at 4 not 5... so she was a bit panicked looking everywhere for me. and i felt bad, and checked myself that it wasn't out of a vindictive spirit- but perhaps a bit too careless bcs of the previous day- but i know how it is to be forgotten so i really would never do it intentionally.

so after we had a decent meal at the cheesecake factory... followed by horrible $5 tea at the top of the john hancock... and then a long bus ride, and a $10 old navy shirt later and i was watching wicked. quite a flashy musical i must say- and since there was actual dialogue, and it was wonderfully coherent... i enjoyed myself much more and felt myself not at all critical even since i'd read the book... and well the happy ending was a bit hard to swallow but nevermind.

day 5- no really (rant)

i was being less than optimistic in my post yesterday which i wrote this morning bcs suddenly it started raining and wouldn't stop. and i had a pang in the chest twice at the thought of being unemployed again, and my friend continues to set unattainable goals which she pretends are realistic then when you expect them she rationalizes her way out of them, thereby crushing your spirit and making you cry, which leaves you alone at 12am eating m n'ms and writing a blog while she's in her bedroom having a conversation with her 'husband', even though earlier she complains that she'll be getting no sleep at all... bcs i see her "hurrying" to bed. right.keep in mind i see her maybe once a year and she treats this week as if i see her everyday or am some sort of roommate who she can chose to ignore or engage depending on a whim. am i an attention whore? it makes me wonder. but i would never treat my guests so horribly- i mean there's one thing such as personal space and independence then there's just a disconnect-for instance- this whole day was suppose to be an "us" day- you know what i mean when friends term it that. Her words, not mine. there's a certain understanding that the day will encompass all of what the two of you are TOGETHER. keep in mind this whole week i've spent whole days wandering the city by myself- and really it's thrilling. i love alone time but then the scale starts to tip and i'm in moody, depressive, i'm ALONE, zone. and yes as much as i love chicago- i do not want to comment on the shennanigans of otters to myself. "oh miss, did you say something?" "yes, to my IMAGINARY FRIENDS!" my bad. i thought i'd have more to occupy me. but i am not fucking spending $25 on looking at king tuts mask and a dagger. so clearly this was not the time to suddenly decide that it's all about you. first she says although it's her day off, which she said she specifically took so we could spend the day together- she needs to go into work... her choice. but that i won't even notice bcs she's going in early. then i call her and she says she doesn't feel good and no longer wants to go to the restaurant i want to go to. i complain- since she feels this way bcs who can survive on a banana for breakfast and not feel dizzy... anyway by the time i get there she's now okay with the restaurant choice but then lets it slip - like "depending on what you're going to do" i might go home. the hell?! what I"M GOING TO DO!!bcs she got up at 5 bcs she had to work- and we're going to be spending 2 nights out past 12 (bcs she had to buy us tickets to 2 musicals- when really the musicals are about her- musicals. that's what i say- but bcs i know she enjoys them i'm going to go and not complain and i inturn have a goodtime.) and she just really needs a nap and doesn't now want to walk around the city with me in the rain (even though i'd already given up hope of a boat tour but that wasnt enough of a sacrifice) and if i can't suggest something then (even though we were going to go shopping for her)... and then she gets mad when i start giving her crap about it- and the day never recovers primarily bcs then during lunch she tries to rally, half-heartedly and says well maybe a movie- except i can't see the one movie i alone suggested to you prior to your coming, bcs i HAVE to see it with I----. you know how insignificant that phrase makes me feel- very, very, very small. it may seem nothing but i see her once a year and she can't even concede to seeing a movie with me. bcs it has to be with the man she's spent the last 6 years of her life with, 24/7, 7 days a week. thanks.i spend 9 minutes on the phone ROAMING to vent to my 2nd friend who assumed i wouldn't be spending so much time alone- and i had previously asked her and been denied, to take if not a full day, a 1/2 day off- just for kicks. like, well i'm going here and i love being alone so much i almost didn't bother to ask you.fucking fuck.so i spent 4 hours+ in a movie theatre- reading, then watching the beautiful but god awfully fucking vapid marie antoinette- which actually matched my mood perfectly- just brooding ennui the whole movie and all i could think was her poor kid dies alone in a jail cell @ 5 of TB or something fucking god awful that i mightve as well seen blooddripping down all the walls of versailles as you knew the horror literally awaiting them and to see them hopelessly not "getting it"... and then only to meet my friend for her to ask if i've found a restaurant- yes. yes, i walked around in the rain so we could fucking find a place even though i asked you to find one for us on the internet- and after a torturously long dinner, it was a good thing she was chatty, we had to sit thru 2+ hours of a fucking pirate queen musical, which lacked the heart of ireland and the grit of piracy... i mean do i get to see Rent? or maybe Spamalot?... NO. could the day have gotten any worse. i can ONLY hope tomorrow i recover from the vileness that was today- and finish my vacation on a high note. and VOW never to visit friends again on this premise again. ever. like maybe when i go to chicago IF i come back to chicago again- i "might" let them know... might. bcs why expect to spend time with people when they cleary care more about themselves in that moment than your friendship.M.fucking.OUT.

Dear God,

It's me, Penelope. As you know, I have been driving for 12 years now, and--I no longer need to knock on wood, but--I hadn't until today ever been pulled over. Never been pulled over, much less ticketed. That's not to say that I've never sped, or sort-of-accidentally run a red light, or done something else worthy of the law's attention. However, for the most part I am quite careful. I set my cruise control for exactly 6 miles over the speed limit on road trips. I wait approximately 4 seconds after the green light now before proceeding. And most importantly (I feel), I always keep up with the flow of traffic. So, even if I am going over the speed limit, such as on I-40 in the RDU area, all the yahoos around me are going 80 in a 65, too. Basically, I try at all costs when driving to avoid a) creating a threat to the driving community at large and b) getting a ticket. Because, as you also know, God, I don't have a lot of money. I mean, I'm not destitute, but I don't have money to burn on useless crap like traffic tickets and raised insurance rates. I would rather spend my money at Target, on things like baby food, and hair products, and the occasional CD, or a box of wine.

Anyway. You also know that throughout much of my driving career, I have owned a vehicle. I am currently on my second, a lovely Honda by the name of Rufus. Rufus has, hanging by a string on his rearview mirror, a Catholic medal, similar to--but notably not the same as--the one pictured. The medal's purpose is to protect the car and the car's driver (me, Penelope) in travel. And so far, despite any other of my track records regarding religion, I have never once doubted the medal's power. This is not to say that stupid errors in judgment have not occurred under its watch, such as the Western Boulevard Ice Incident of 1999. But, to the medal's credit--though the tow job was especially involved and cost a cool $80, there wasn't a bit of damage to the car, or to me, or to my passenger. I say with conviction that the medal has kept me and my car(s) from both damage and notice over the years.

So today, when I conversed with a friend about the medal, and we pondered which saint exactly was pictured on it? (And I'm still not sure--St. Christopher is the patron saint of travel, but I don't believe it's him.) I really, truly wasn't sure, and I'm still not, why the medal says "The Matrix." But you have to believe that I was being silly, not at all rude or mocking, when I suggested that it was really Keanu Reeves pictured on the medal. Or Laurence Fishburne. I was totally, 100% just using my sense of humor, which I thought was one of the gifts? Perhaps it was in poor taste, and if so, I take it back. So not funny. The medal does work, has worked, and not because it has an attractive star from a badass movie on it.

After 12 clean years of driving, I can only imagine that getting pulled over today while in the slow lane, the last in a line of cars, keeping up with the flow of traffic and approaching a red light was, according to the laws of chance, bound (and overdue) to happen. I am still sort of speechless over the whole thing; in a moment when I was moseying along and minding my own business, the last thing I expected was to get pulled over and ticketed for 15 over in a school zone. I honestly feel like I just pulled a crap card in a board game, that's life, and I just have to pay the fines. But I just want to make sure, from now on, that we're straight: medal jokes=not cool=something Penelope won't do ever again. In the meantime, I have full faith that the medal will continue to protect as usual.

Yours sincerely,
penelope

exhibit C

She loooves the camera, wants to marry it.