penpopsicle,

so maybe don't mass consume 2 blogs on korea while watching the office and try to go to bed at 11. it will have your mind racing over the waters and in the classroom for at least an hour and a 1/2.+. in addition to some pesky prayer council emails. i feel like i've been vomiting words since last week on that front with low returns. it doesn't necessarily mean, i know, that i shouldn't have written the 1000 missives. but there is a lingering sense of futility. we have to find new blood. and i've gotten 3 nominations so far. we have to come up with application and interview questions too. there's questions about whether an email address should be registered to 1 person or 4+. there's questions about whether or not people start panicking when they receive everyones prayer requests aka how does one person intercede about it all? they guiltily delete the emails and feel like a crappy person. that's how. but maybe that's me. i don't think it is. but still. another small battle to fight. along with passive emails trying to usurp authority. and another not communicating at all. and meetings and going here and there. i'd honestly rather pack. even if its not my stuff.

well anyway, back to korea, which is another thing i'm waiting around about in between charging lattes as my only (insane) indulgence. i know i should stop. i'll stop. i swear. and also imagining myself trying to communicate with 4yr old korean kids who don't know a word of english. hmm. teaching? note to self: get books on teaching kids... wait i'm going over to do what? it's not just a prolonged vaykay? on the face of such anticipation it's hard not to check out of the life i'm living. that promise to start painting is lying mid-brushstroke, the quilt is close... so frickin close. why not finish up the loose ends and pack up everything right now? oh nevermind i can't even afford my car payment... and let's not get started on netflix. which i must decide about by saturday. i'm sure i care about my lattes more right? besides they were part of the sleepless ill feeling during the day of having watched a sad korean drama about an old woman and her effed up grandso the night before- it doesn't go well for either of them... which led to a completely scandalous period drama where no one was actually a stick redeemable. except for the kid who just wanted to find work shining boots. in the end i can only hope he found a better life outside the book. the whole thing left me feeling dirty.

meanwhile i'm staring at a note that says "go walk". definitely part of my problem. and the eggs are gathering dew waiting to be broken. so i'll go.

m.