If only your day had ended on the tea, rather than the horse-jumping. Although then I suppose the ladies’ work would feel more like damage control, rather than pure support and uplifting of spirit, which I love them for. I’m automatically venomous on your behalf in response to B. But I might practically, or diplomatically, or even optimistically conclude that perhaps it is not one or the other, Should You or Shouldn’t You. Maybe the truth lies somewhere in the middle. Regardless of the Should or Should Not, it seems like this idea of of a spiritual formation and soul care path is very much who you are and the path you are destined to follow. And maybe that means choosing something concrete to go alongside the more nebulous outcome of the degree. Making the choice of, I am interested in X job (specific position or field), and that will be my goal. Teaching, missionary, advisor? And in what context. Who do you wish to work with, to reach. And/or even for now, making that choice to act. Is there something you can get before this program that would propel you forth on this path? Or maybe it is time to try on the different hats and see how they feel. Can you volunteer or even seek out a paying position for the sake of exploration? With your church or elsewhere? I certainly don’t think it is the time to give up, and yes, let B’s words and attitude stoke the fire. Your being is spiritual and abstract and floating; yang beseeches yin to move toward the middle. Do. Reflect, yes, but then Do. I feel like it will ground you, guide you, keep your footing more sure. And while none of us will ever find the nonexistent Perfection in life, occupations included, knowledge or fear of this fact must not keep a person from seeking something close. Think of the light you might bring to people and who they might be, rather than letting the dark swallow that light and its potential.
In my humble opinion-
pen.
1 comment:
M, CCCO is always looking for counselors and things for the kids and families. Maybe you can volunteer with them for a while as a pray-er and listener and see what happens? Maybe "intern" with someone already there? And Pen is right in that this goal can fit alongside a "practical" job, like a therapist or something. What you are gaining are tools. Look at the anamchara - being a "soul friend" was only a part of the monk's whole life, whole service.
There is much to do, much that can be done. Standing with your feet stuck in the mud of doubt and despair when God is calling you forward will accomplish nothing. And isn't that what you're afraid of - accomplishing nothing? : )
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