dear m,

I’ve started so many letters to you in my mind on paper (so to speak), including a potentially fabulous little thing about life lessons learned in yoga. But before I can finish, the bubble of inspiration bursts and no longer is my idea there. You can’t stare at those things too long, much less try to handle them.

I’m putting in my request to the Universe for less emotionality, or at least the freedom or will to choose when and where I overflow. Like frustrations with the petulant, stubborn 2-year-old. It’s not my favorite age, but still, why can’t I be wise enough in a combative moment to realize it’s just a phase and I don’t actually need to mirror said behavior. Why can’t I naturally accept that the item he wishes to handle himself will in fact be squished, spilled or broken, and that ultimately it’s okay. Why can’t I just love him, and shut up about it.

And today I was wrongly cited for a parking ticket—WTF? Penelope does not like to be accused of something she did not do. Particularly when money is involved, even if it is only $10. So the fury was unleashed upon this old lady who wrote up the ticket—tears and swearing may have been involved. But seriously? I literally could not have been in that parking deck when she tagged my tire. The machine does in fact lie. I yelled at her until she said she would tear up the ticket, and later I do feel a little bad about it. But at least I stood up for myself? I don’t know. I do feel I could have been more reasonable and measured in my argument, if not polite. Schmolite.

Oh and the Q-tips in the ears, there’s another thing I could have been less emotional about. They say not to clean out your ears (or should you? why is that subject so murky), and so I didn’t for a long time, but then I did, because I couldn’t stand it any more, and it quickly became a problem. Wednesday night I couldn’t hear out of my right ear, and I made the problem worse by attempting to flush the ear. And then I figured that while I’m irrigating, I might as well try to clean the left one as well, so by Friday morning, I could not hear an effing thing out of either ear. For reals, I believe my hearing was cut by about 50%. Was about to lose it. Perhaps did, a few times, when either mocked or challenged to hear all the little things I normally take for granted. I went to MEDAC to resolve, where they did a proper ear-igation (HA HA HA, get it?) and, as they said, I can now unfortunately (their words, not mine) hear better than I have in a long, long time. A Christmas miracle! I didn’t not enjoy the MEDAC, where I had never been before, but it is currently free through our insurance. Good place to go in a pinch.

Meanwhile (and this isn’t as big a leap as it seems, I swear), I mull the concept of seeing God in every person, and maybe I’m trying too hard, because like a bubble that you can’t stare at or handle too long, it ultimately bursts and is no more.

love, pen