m,

It’s finally raining – and hailing? ooo - after a day of ominous clouds and dancing leaves on the trees. Which I wished for all day, because the oregano could use water, as could the blue spruce saplings on the deck. And when you know rain is coming, at some point, it feels all wasteful to water.

The only problem is that the dog is on the verge of a panic attack with all the thunder. And I don’t even mean Bender. Poor, aging Bailey.

Also, the satellite is occasionally “searching for service” while Survivor records. Which is completely unacceptable.

All of a sudden when you look out into the backyard, you can no longer see the sloping farmland past the woods. All you see are the woods. It looks kind of magical in there. Except for the unspeakable ticks. Otherwise I might set up camp there and not leave until fall.

I keep thinking about these snails – does beer really kill them? Or does it just help one cope. Anyway, I remember a friend telling me about the giant mountain of salt that shipped into port where I used to live. And then it’s dispatched to whomever needs salt for their roadways in the snow, but perhaps it should be shipped to gardens overrun by snails, too.

Because you don’t want a possum. Ew. I’m sure they have their place in the ecosystem, but they’re horrifying.

I’m not really sure I’ve said anything of consequence at all.

But I like my book about the South and the supernatural (Beautiful Darkness). It temporarily relieves my mind from the weight of the world, which feels very heavy on my shoulders. It’s hard being an Empath, you know. Which would be my supernatural gift bestowed upon me in my sixteenth year, when I’d choose my destiny as a Light Caster. If I were a Caster, I mean. And my eyes would stay green. They wouldn’t turn gold like the Dark Casters. And they’d never be blue. ;)

I hope you’re able to give the metaphorical TV a good kick and obliterate the static. The picture will be garbled for a moment, but then it will come in, bright and hopeful and clear.

love to you,

pennylane

Penelope,

I've been mirred in sickness friend. Still snarfing and snot filled. I did manage to spring clean the patio, so my energy is back up. Mom's killed 1000's of snails. I still find some after she's collected 100 or more from the morning when i clean in between the pots. As I posted on FB there's not enough salt and beer for the garden. We really need ducks. Or like I said possums. and so do you. No words really. And i've exercised maybe 5x out of the entire month. So April is turning into a real winner let me tell you.

Also currently I feel like a broken record. So anything I write a letter to you about would just be a litany of complaint. which incidentally is listed as a form of prayer by richard foster. Also i'm waiting for the mud pics to tell you about the spa. Which should've been healing and cathartic but apparently spelled for me "getting worse" instead of "getting better". You'd think 3 visits to a steam room, mineral bath and mud scrub (insert copious lounging and napping) would've gotten any bad thing out of me but alas no.

And cathy has decided to boycott emailing me multiple times a day because i don't respond multiple times a day, which granted as she said is uneven but i can't help feeling rejected somehow. Just like when i had that interview on Wednesday for that temp job and had a 40 minute conversation with the guy and most likely did not get the job. Unless they decided not to decide. But I doubt it. It's like when I had to charge my taxes and am still $40 short for the month. Rejected by God, by help, by my own good senses. I suppose in not whiny complaint categories Mortimor is getting more and more used to us. I've quilted and such. Blah whatevs.

The brother visit was a success. Eh, i just don't have the heart to be positive. I mean it's true you know and I could go into detail but eh. It's good friday. I'm much more in the mood to take a look at the fact the disciples fell asleep on Jesus, and Judas betrayed him and now the whole day is going downhill for Jesus. But if He's going to break the curse over the entirity of mankind that's the way it's suppose to go. Thank the Lord.

All right, i'm going to go do normal things like shower, and uh? stuff? I don't know. (Insert static tv screen here). No one even commented on my last lent post anyway. So whatever! No no i've got to turn it around, blessings abound. Ok, I'll leave you with this: Aimee, prayer friend came over and i was picking her a bouquet of flowers and I'd just given her a handful of peruvian lilies and she said this would be perfect for a bride of Christ, and then a hummingbird zoomed in and was testing the flowers, and she offered the bouquet to him and the hummingbird looked at her and then came in to drink from the flowers, then whizzed right in front of her flower filled shirt, and stared up at her, took another taste of her bouquet and zoomed off again. I might've cried a little. It was pretty magical.

m-

m -

This week, apparently, I’ve become a slug in other areas of life as well? I mean, as the highlight of course, there was the Hard Drive Incident of 2011. On Monday, after months up leadup, J.Lo backed up his entire music library – 40GB and 20 yrs worth – on our external harddrive. It was this huge thing. And of course it’s like putting all your eggs in one basket. Granted. But what do I do with the basket? Drop it. I was backing up my own hard drive, due to a few recent encounters with the BSOD, and after several hours finally had the backup process running as it was supposed to. And then I moved my computer abruptly and the attached USB cable yanked the harddrive off the table. It fell maybe 2 1/2 feet? And I was all, uh-oh. I hope it didn’t… But oh yes, it did. Break. It was all clicking and whirring and the backup process stopped. Completely unrecoverable. I’ll never live it down.

Anyway. I can’t talk about it anymore.

And I don’t know how to exorcise the images of ticks from my mind. They haunt me. Like the one on Bailey’s ear this morning. Sickly gray. Like an old raisin. And when I pulled it off, its tiny little legs had the nerve to continue writhing before I dropped it in the uber-creepy jar of alcohol that contains all the ticks. We have a tick jar. Ugh. Shudder. Vom.

I can’t talk about that anymore either.

The Amish Market was on our horizon today and I procured some randoms. Electric blue gummy sharks. Chocolate-covered pretzels. Tarragon, star anise – herbs I can either never find or have the mind to purchase. Those were cheap. Also, Dr. Hess’ Udder Something or Other? For my cuticles, because I’m determined to love them once again. Also, we might have had ice cream while sitting on rockers. And I’m trying out the bread (cin raisin), but skipped the mysterious Bible granola bars due to their being more than $13 for a box of six. I mean honestly. I’m more likely to try the cure-all one of these days because it contains more intrigue-per-ounce.

And I just don’t know about this imaginary job anymore. I know I talk about it all the time but really. I feel like it’s them more than me and I’m kind of tired of the energy I’m wasting even contemplating it. The fifty bucks for 3 posts was nice, but I’m not sure I want to do the math on how much I actually earned per hour. For resume padding. When in the meantime I do actually have a fulltime job that suffers while I’m earning dirt. Should I just quit or keep dragging it out. Please advise.

I did cook Bun bo nuong this week – a.k.a. a Vietnamese noodle bowl with beef. Oh and also patty melts. Yum.

But otherwise, I haven’t vacuumed. Or crocheted. I only mowed half the lawn. Like a jackass, I can’t seem to get the mower to start back up. I’ve planted some seeds in questionable areas of the yard and really have no expectations that they’ll grow. I’ve claimed to know what I was doing while semi-butchering the shrubs. My magazines remain unread, basement boxes unpacked, kidsclothes unsorted for size. Banana bread never made.

It’s a week that started with a glimmer of joy but is ending with the whir of spinning wheels.

I look forward to your tale of the spa,

pen

Oh, life, pen, life

Quickly, before I lose my will.

Saturday felt completely overcome after a meeting- feeling the journey will be taxing and laborious. But there was the sweetvalleyhigh board game and party. We read excerpts, gave each other carebear tattoos and kerry made GF pizza. I suppose in light of that, Saturday evened out. LaCats dad died though so I don't know. Yesterday I rubbed jalepeno pepper into my left eye (still twitching by the way), and on the boulevard slipped on something and went down on my left knee. Marring my fidji shoes. The burning subsided sometime later and my knee remained slightly swollen. I'm on patch 7 of 57 for my quilt. That fact oddly does not cause me sadness. Somehow fighting to do it how i instinctually wanted to do it was satisfying. But my throat tickles and i'm pretty sure a certain family gave me something. Repayment for being around them or sympathetic suffering. I'm uncertain. But pause to clear throat. Figuring fatigue levels.

I find the tick situation completely horrifying. Once when I went off trail one got on me somewhere and I was at borders (the hollywood one is closing which  total sadness more job people flooding the market) around 6am and noticed it latched onto my arm. It was completely traumatizing. Granted it was mostly smooshed already but still. Shudder. Can you get geese? I mean seriously. Something must be done. I don't know but now i fear for your safety. I am glad about your fish and tank though. It has to be akin to basket weaving or some monastic duty you will find Jesus in I am certain. I hope the Bible bars are tasty. I would want them to be. If ever i have funds to visit we must go get them along with the cure all tonic. Because why not- withmy arthritic elbows, constant weight why not. I'm sure it will solve all my nagging problems (toe fungus). And we'll get you a hairless cat and you can crochet it sweater vests.

I'm trying to think in light of your new adventures if i have any to share besides a possible cold. Or any new loves to tell. Jealous of your asian market and your cinna walls. Change is elusive so far but that we've filled 2 bags for giveaway. That makes me feel pretty good. I'm almost done with the tragic hans. Who has been in a sanitorium for near 7 years. So new fiction novel on my horizon. Maybe GF cinnammon bread. Maybe visiting with the nice temp agent by wednesday. I hope Hans escapes. I wonder if i'll escape. Parents are painting their house. things are getting CLOSE. but not too close. I mean if dad is bent on building his own cabinets. It's hard to say. But soon sewer connection, all the plates on the wall/fixtures... then flooring, then landscaping. That's it. Close but far enough. Today i'm going to shower. I know major accomplishment. Then go pray. Then play borderlands. Where I will try to save enough strength to then go shopping with mom for food.

Why is life such a pickle sometimes? I would be impovirshed in life if I didnt have you as a friend. I'll have to hold onto that as we count our assets even in these lean and somewhat harrowing times.

my love,
m.

ketchup -

Ideally without HFCS. Yummy with fries. And homonymous with catchup, which is what I need to play.

- We’re tick bait here at the Lo. Co. The dogs carry them in from the woods. They lay around, transfer said ticks to the indoor world and the ticks find us. So far the count is – J.Lo (4), me (2), Bailey (1). And obviously, Revolution for los doggies is on my list for when we one day have funds again, but it won’t keep those nasty little creatures from sycophanting upon the humans. I fear Lyme’s and RockyMountainSpottedFever, but I also fear a creature making its home on my skin. Shudders.

- So I suppose I am a little territorial about my space. When you’re right you’re right. If I weren’t allergic, I’d so be a cat person. Because I get them. (And they’re cute.) But I did replace the fish tank with a smaller one. For my five survivors. The kids chose new castle/jewels décor. Kind of love, so far. But I haven’t had to clean it yet. Mwah.

- I went to an Amish Market. It’s less than half an hour away, over the NC border. I’ll always have one foot in North Carolina, I think. But I’m all right with that. Anyway, it’s a small market. And some things are good deals (coconut oil!) while others are average. There’s an ice cream counter, a deli and a book nook. I bought random things like a wooly feather duster and cinnamon-yogurt-covered pretzels, which were both sort of fabulous. And they sold Bible Bars. Granola bars made with all seven foods featured in Deuteronomy, you know. And also they sell a famous tonic. It’s a cure-all. For what, I don’t know. Will I one day find out? Most certainly.

- In my former place of residence, they’re filming The Hunger Games. And there’s going to be a Whole Foods. And – whatever. I don’t care. I mean it.

- They did send out a survey via interwebs to citizens of my current place of residence inquiring about interest in a specialized grocery store. I was all over that shit.

- I’m a slug. In regards to exercise and maintaining a physical health routine, I’m my own worst enemy. It’s decided.

- I found a doctor for the children – months and months after they were due for their annual wellchecks, but whatever. I nearly wept at this success.

- I don’t know if I actually like anything I’m reading right now, except for the grocery gardening book. We’re not doing a garden this year – except we kind of are. Can’t help ourselves, obviously.

- Acquired at MultiFlora: purple pansies, some flower/plant the deer hate, ivy (for indoors), and some creeping thing.

- Seeds to be planted: sweet peas, marigolds, mammoth sunflowers, Echinacea (?), and some other things obtained for free.

- Started: one book club. In town.

- Made, possibly: one friend. In town.

- Still: in awe.

- And: a little hope-ful.

- New beverage obsession: Tazo “Refresh” tea.

- Painted: the cinna-kitchen. Loves. Loves, loves.

- Next paint project: the dining room, in some shade of honey.

- Visited: a giant Asian food market? Also in NC. It was a former Circuit City and still looks like a Circuit City on the outside. Which is amusing. You can meet your Tilapia before eating them. As well as your lobster, your crabs, and several other fishy varieties. And there were lots of things I had no idea what to do with. Or could barely identify. But I did procure some rice noodles and other ingredients and as a first experiment made – shrimp summer rolls. With padthai. Yumm.

- Magazine deadlines: met.

- StupidPretendBloggingJob: still pretty stupid. And pretend.

- Top Chef: All-Stars finale: satisfying.

- Nigel’s hair on that weird commercial: upsetting.

- Weather: wonky. Hasn’t committed to spring.

- Dreams: too often feature bugs. All varieties.

- Still: beyond broke.

- Mood: frankly a little dicey. Volatile. Damn moon.

- Love: to you.

just one room -

Just one piece of one room, really, of the absolutely ginormous floral wholesaler we visited today. There were – I don’t know, six? other rooms just like this? And some outdoor space.

Whoa.

Here’s what it looks like from above.

Where does one even begin with such wonder?

xo

pen from the road

Pen-

I really like this:

Lord of joy,
Lord of celebration,
Open my heart to the possibility of joy today.
Help me to tolerate the confusion that comes when sorrow and joy
live side by side in my heart.
Give me the courage to
joyfully celebrate life.
Amen.

(d/j ryan)

Pen-

Enclosed please find pictures of the month of march. Upon review it doesn't look like so terribly bad a month despite the complete lack of funds. In other news mom keeps finding 100+ snails to kill and I keep thinking where is the possum that's suppose to be eating them- And last night I had some death fever which does accuretly explain why i did not send accolades your way about the cina-kitchen. It is awesome by the way.