Dear Penelope,

Hi lady love,
Watching s4 of the wire. Eating a popsicle. I actually went a whole week or so without them. And I guess in a moment of weakness without them, rita said she'd sign up for warrior dash and walk with me, and then I agreed. Like that's all I needed. Push. And immediately after my knee gave a throb just to mock me. And suddenly I'm like "its a RACE". AH! PANIC! anxiety. failure. competition. Riiiight. I mean even at my best I run/jog/walk 15 minute miles. And I've only done 2 miles not 3.08 and 12 obstacles to boot, in that round before my knee commited seppuku because deep down it feels betrayed by the weight and my exuberance and it became lawless and dishonored and now it won't do a damn thing. And the guys I'm doing it with are like 5min/8min mile types. So my only mission is to get my ass over rusted out cars, gullys and rims of fire and not die, in my own damn time. Because who has health insurance to back that kind of thing up. I'll look into getting a brace. I'm going to acupuncture tomorrow. A random korean place in the middle of the city. It's only $60. If they don't help I'll go to fancier digs closer to home in Burbank. But I digress.

Bodo is better. I'm listening for a cough or a hack and he has one everyoncenwhile and his energy is low but he's hanging in there. I think dog-sitting cocoa has helped distract him though I don't suppose he's getting the rest he really needs. My cat Marley is effectively staring down cocoa and feels safe enough to sleep out in the open, but my cat Turtle is no where to be seen.

Besides that I wandered around REI today and didn't feel compelled to buy anything. That was nice. Sure the downside is that probably nobody is getting presents- at least not for a while anyway. I don't know why but it causes naught but anxiety. I lasted an hour and then Cathy called and I felt free and walked right out of the store and drove back home. Maybe I'll make something? But what? And for whom? Ach. Also I've been negotiating how to get out of Christmas eve at the fams. This time its not because I dislike them, which totally refreshing concept, but a lot of people have been unusually asking if I was coming to Christmas Eve Service at church and its been a bug in my ear. Am I? Am I? And while I'd rather it be a midnight mass thing or some sort of candlelight something it is my family in a spiritual sense. So why not really. It has meaning at least. And though I love looking at my beautiful tree and thinking about lighting the fireplace, and staring at the awesome purse my mom is giving me, it leaves me to wonder about everything else, despite the aesthetic rosy glow. Oh, so as it is, because Carmel is all like old and what not they wanted to move christmas eve to more christmas pre-eve. And saved by the bell, meaning before I emailed to bail, they gave us the how about 1 or 2pm option. Which is awesome. So out-of-it-i-am. Or rather, best of both? Nice.

As an aside, apparently my grandpa did agree that it probably wasn't best to leave gold in a house of addicts, stuffed in a mattress. And though my mom did her best to find out what the last family bruha was she failed, leaving us only to wonder and further speculate whats going to happen to them when my grandparents die and the house is sold. The gold is in a safe deposit. And apparently for the gift exchange it will only be my parents and my grandparents participating. I asked mom if they were just going to carry on with Christmas Day celebrations and she said, yes, and that she was bringing a pie and shortbread cookies. So I suppose while they're off doing that I'm going to try and make wheatfree crepes, stoke a fire and sing some happy songs to myself.

m.