My ridiculous arthritic carpel tunnel hand is completely distracting me today.

I hand-wrote an invitation last night - I'm going for typewriter font, so I suppose my hand was crunched oddly - but still. One invitation. And my entire forearm and hand are still off-and-on asleep. Does this seem strange to anyone else? I wear a special glove for crafty activities and everything. I don't get it. I'm trying not to obsess. You can see that's working very well. 

Perfect weather. I mean really. Other than the fine haze of yellow dust settled over ev.ery.thing. In fact I'm still wearing a sweatshirt, so it could be a little warmer, but as it is I am camped out on the back porch with the doors and windows wide open. Hello, spring. Here you are, after all. 

The CSA that I can barely afford at the moment is completely worth it - I don't know that I'll keep picking up directly at the farm, because it's kind of a haul, but it's flippin' adorable. The farmer who runs it! Love him! He doesn't say much, but he's super sweet. And last week loaded us up with a bunch of strange vegetables I wouldn't normally touch, but they've expanded our recipe horizons and so far there's been no complaints. From the people who actually it is, anyway.  

For our garden fare: there are sweet peas, which look way better than the sad few of last year. And the lettuce is sprouting, I think? Hard to tell with weeds that are also sprouting. And the whole thing needs more water, I know. Oh, and then, from the rotted pumpkin that was in the corner, there's a pumpkin patch that could take over the world . So I'll have to reign that in. But so far it's the winner, the first on the mat in this leg of the Amazing Race. 

Are you watching that this season? We're three eps behind. On that and everything. But all in due time. 

I'm completely antsy today. Damn hand. Haven't read a book in days. But maybe the library tomorrow. And the continued ponderance of summer break, which arrives shortly. I'm approaching it with not a shred of blind optimism; this year I'm aiming for full-fledged practicality. Like we can't afford camps every week, but maybe one or two? Or one camp and a class? Sprinkled in there to anticipate and maintain the momentum. Dare I dream. A camping trip? There's a cool-weather spot allegedly maybe 3 hours from here. An early June wedding. A possible late-summer road trip. A July ninja visit! Swimming lessons? A whole lot of uh, free time. And, you know, generally keeping everyone alive and relatively sane. Let us go forth with the least-favorite season and may we uncover any wonders it may hold. 

Hand: still asleep. Killing me. 

God doesn't want me to work at Home Depot

That's my conclusion for today, as you fly the friendly and I would hope not hostile skies. Or at least I assume you're on a jet plane, headed - HOME! Eee. Excited for you. But back to me, obviously. So there was some random Weather happening yesterday, freezing rain and sleet and snow, all the things that allegedly never deter postal workers, but schools - forget it. K.Lo is on a 2-hour delay OF COURSE because I had an interview at 8:30AM. Someday I'm going to look back on these mishaps and shake my head and sigh. Rueful laugh. Oh wait, it's already happening. I think I'd feel more put out if I could stomach the idea of being a greeter. Here, pretend to be a mega-extrovert for several hours! It will be great. And you don't even get a discount on your garden supplies. As it is, I cannot even get through to say I can't be there. Awful. I'm either re-routed, because no one wants to take that message, or sent to HR, where the call is dropped before VM can pick up. Every. Time.

So you know, I hope the other one works out. Have interview tomorrow afternoon at a consignment shop that said they weren't hiring until, apparently, they saw my awesome application? Right right. Anyway, I'm sure they pay much less, but do offer discounts, first dibs, and most importantly, scheduling around the fact of being a mother. Which frankly is priceless.

And yeah, the Pam Beasley Question. That's totally it. It's enough, absolutely. I'm enough even without that. Duh, right? But then I get in my head that should I be required to work (and I need to) to avoid that razor's edge, then it has to be fraught with meaning or otherwise completely worthy of my time, and me of it. And then I swirl down into the conventional spiral of college education and The Promise aka Great Lie of "you can be whatever you dream!" as long as you get one and oh wait that's clearly not true. And then I plunge into darker channels about bringing children into this world and what was I thinking - oh wait - Love. And despite my combined Wrong Education and lack of Right Experience, I can and should still change the world. But roadblock, roadblock. Red tape and more tape. It's depressing even scratching the surface, which of course I never do. I delve. And I struggle to get back to that hopeful waiting thing, but whine, it's hard. So many available options to talk yourself out of it, convince yourself that you somehow don't have value in the world - but again, that's the wrong question.

Stupid human condition.

I fell asleep during the latest ProRun last night - how could one not, really. I have to go back and finish it before discussing what on earth - how - the winning team was the winning team. I mean, Michelle's was perfection, but Daniel's? Am I missing how that dress wasn't a life-size Barbie dress from the 80s? Like the kind literally for a child's doll, not someone trying to dress ironically. Those were shoulder pads, I'm sure of it. And that color! Blech. Collectively I thought the other team of two should have won - for once, I really liked P's in particular.

And are you watching the Amazing Race?? We're not quite caught up, but last week's - Hanoi! and pho! a pho challenge! What! And our missing ingredient was apparently coriander. Now all I need are some live chickens squawking in a shoulder basket...

All right well. I've officially missed my ridiculous interview. Best get on with the day.
love to YOU
your penelaotang
p.s. I FINALLY watched the lice ep of SouthPark. My baby, Hope! genius.