after a risky 2 day slump of no exercise and perilously close meanderings to the edge of self-destructive behavior, i went on a bike ride. yes.
yes. it was a good time. first it's the cool breeze in your face and the feel of air moving all around you. then it's the wide open vista like i could keep going forever, or at least until my foot cramps. i used to feel that way when i was driving on the 5 freeway. i'd see the 360 miles to Sacramento and it always seemed like a good idea to keep going. and then the cooler part of bike riding besides having gear like a helmut and intimidating sunglasses is that when you encounter other bike riders who have badass gear like camel packs and lycra shirts- they see you and totally validate your journey. they smile, they wave- as if to say, i'm glad you're here. i'm glad you're joining us- our cool fringe club. isn't this great they say. the wide open- the path we're on. i smile. i wave. i say, yes. yes it is and thank you for noticing. bcs i'm trying!
the other benefit to bike riding is neighborhood awarement. not of me, although if i get into an accident or go missing someone will have been peering out of their window and seen me going by. let's hope. but besides that- at first i was like what hideous hideous houses, not to mention the horrible fencing that was vomited up from the earth like gnarled mismatched teeth of a dead giant- but then i noticed that there are new houses going up, and flowers blooming and it's quiet- some of the streets are narrowed and barely paved- i think riding by the wash and near the local hospital and the thai temple, that i am where the wild things are. not desolate but untamed, progressing slowly and sometimes slightly neglected but with beautiful gems of civilization- things that make me want to care where i belong.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Friday, April 29, 2005
We need to start playing the lottery
And there are baby birds on our front porch, in a house plant. I want to take a picture of the little squirmy, beaky jelly beans, but it's shaded light for brown birds, and there's my now internalized fear of leaning over and having the mother bird careen out of the nest at my head. It happened once, and I realize the bejeezus was scared a little more out of her than me. But still. I screamed, she didn't.
It's 11:16 PM on a Friday night, and I am making an eclair cake. I put off the job too long, and it needs to be done by bedtime tonight. Unarguable.
Today at work I looked forward all day to the evening, and approximately three hours of enforced mind-numbing a la Cycle One, Disc One, of America's Next Top Model. The Adrianne Curry Days, Pre-Peter Brady. I'm fascinated by this girl because I found her all at once endearing, and sort of amazing with her drive and the psycho way she just picks up a snake, or how she tones like every freaking muscle in her body just because she's nuts enough to push herself that way. But then, the flat voice, it kills me. The borderline but not quite vapidity. She's riding a thin line, that one.
At work this week, one girl cried, another passed out, and at night the never-ending dialogue regarding the price plans, the technology, the soft customer skills, commanded my dreams.
Off to create Layer 2.
It's 11:16 PM on a Friday night, and I am making an eclair cake. I put off the job too long, and it needs to be done by bedtime tonight. Unarguable.
Today at work I looked forward all day to the evening, and approximately three hours of enforced mind-numbing a la Cycle One, Disc One, of America's Next Top Model. The Adrianne Curry Days, Pre-Peter Brady. I'm fascinated by this girl because I found her all at once endearing, and sort of amazing with her drive and the psycho way she just picks up a snake, or how she tones like every freaking muscle in her body just because she's nuts enough to push herself that way. But then, the flat voice, it kills me. The borderline but not quite vapidity. She's riding a thin line, that one.
At work this week, one girl cried, another passed out, and at night the never-ending dialogue regarding the price plans, the technology, the soft customer skills, commanded my dreams.
Off to create Layer 2.
think.bad.good.no.
my head hurts. today has been consumed by the horrible dreaded function of my brain called thought. i feel i have been in an apologetics course, a political course on leadership and have been having to give oral disertations in each one at various points throughout the day. never mind that we had to switch from voom to the inferior dishnetwork or that my most successful moments of the day involved the 40 minutes before i sat down with my email and my bible. i've never believed in community- or at the very least have been cynical about it for a very long time. and it goes to reason that the one time i give myself over to the importance of it i'm totally tested.
let's face it, i'm being melodramatic. we all have a community. even if it's inside our head or our relationship with an episodic on Tv. we all want and need things and that involves interacting with the world. and with, god forbid, people. the thought is horrifying how much people suck sometimes. and how much they're wrong. ha. yes. i am always right. and i'm avoiding discussing the importance of community and the cirumstances involving the spawned "thought", this was all an obvious ploy...but let's not stray from the issue. which is my head. my thought. and what i can do to escape it. i'm going to walk away from the computer and put things in boxes- there was a futile 3 box search for jelly bracelets i might have already thrown away. and the attic crawl space is waiting for them. maybe after i'll fix my broken easal or wander in the garden. and exercise. ah exercise. my neck is so tense. the idea of sleep is beguiling. this all goes back to my list- thought was not on my list. and it's taken a huge precedent far more than "the california taxpayer's bill of rights" or my various projects that need to be scratched off my list in order to feel what would be the opposite of wastrel. i had 2 other things to tell you about- one was about crows that were eating the livers of toads and the coal fires. i'm going to tie this all together with wheels. wait and see! but for now the mail is here- which could mean the cliched million dollar check- you have to look. you know you need to. and that means that's all i can say for now. not another word. not another thought until tomorrow.
let's face it, i'm being melodramatic. we all have a community. even if it's inside our head or our relationship with an episodic on Tv. we all want and need things and that involves interacting with the world. and with, god forbid, people. the thought is horrifying how much people suck sometimes. and how much they're wrong. ha. yes. i am always right. and i'm avoiding discussing the importance of community and the cirumstances involving the spawned "thought", this was all an obvious ploy...but let's not stray from the issue. which is my head. my thought. and what i can do to escape it. i'm going to walk away from the computer and put things in boxes- there was a futile 3 box search for jelly bracelets i might have already thrown away. and the attic crawl space is waiting for them. maybe after i'll fix my broken easal or wander in the garden. and exercise. ah exercise. my neck is so tense. the idea of sleep is beguiling. this all goes back to my list- thought was not on my list. and it's taken a huge precedent far more than "the california taxpayer's bill of rights" or my various projects that need to be scratched off my list in order to feel what would be the opposite of wastrel. i had 2 other things to tell you about- one was about crows that were eating the livers of toads and the coal fires. i'm going to tie this all together with wheels. wait and see! but for now the mail is here- which could mean the cliched million dollar check- you have to look. you know you need to. and that means that's all i can say for now. not another word. not another thought until tomorrow.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
nothing better
Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
An innocent trip across town in your Abrams main battle tank to return a friend's industrial-grade power tools will somehow result in your pulling off the bank heist of the century totally by accident. (via the Onion)
An innocent trip across town in your Abrams main battle tank to return a friend's industrial-grade power tools will somehow result in your pulling off the bank heist of the century totally by accident. (via the Onion)
Monday, April 25, 2005
Adventures of Corporate Girl: Today's Accomplishments
I...
- Volunteered to present our small group project
- Spoke rather loudly, and clearly, even the speech wasn't so inventive
- Managed to keep all red-face-turning to a minimum
- Laughed when the others Started to Complain
- Nodded, smiled, said "yup" here and there
- But mostly kept opinions to myself
- Refrained from heart failure at the notion of tackling the Real Job, post-traning, in just a few weeks' time
- Nodded, smiled some more--smirked a little, actually
- Thought, This job is paying for my pretty new car out in the parking lot
THIS MESSAGE WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY:
MASTER GAME PLAYERS OF AMERICA, INC.
things not found
1. wheels
2. a story about bikes
3. motion
4. a plot
5. a direction
6. words from my mind
7. a page
8. tires
9. something else to say.
2. a story about bikes
3. motion
4. a plot
5. a direction
6. words from my mind
7. a page
8. tires
9. something else to say.
interlude
i thought i knew you.
i knew you from before.
years and time ago.
the rise and fall of stars ago.
i got into bed and i couldn't see you at all.
but the familiar smell and sound of things.
the shuffle of feet.
played upon my memory.
a loving loop.
a refrain of effortless expression.
no judgement.
easily understood.
but there was a catch before that all began.
a- right, as i lifted the covers
and i thought i knew you from before.
wasn't sure now-
an embarressed sly smile.
an untold moment of estrangement.
i knew you from before.
years and time ago.
the rise and fall of stars ago.
i got into bed and i couldn't see you at all.
but the familiar smell and sound of things.
the shuffle of feet.
played upon my memory.
a loving loop.
a refrain of effortless expression.
no judgement.
easily understood.
but there was a catch before that all began.
a- right, as i lifted the covers
and i thought i knew you from before.
wasn't sure now-
an embarressed sly smile.
an untold moment of estrangement.
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Things Found Instead of Missing Document
1. Nearly blank journal-notebook w/ Catwoman on the front (v. promising)
2. Calling card with a hundred minutes, maybe-hopefully?
3. Perfect Attendance certificate, Glenwood School, 1988-1989
4. Instruction manuals including but not limited to: toaster oven, VCR, vacuum cleaner,computer, phone, calculator, microwave (not all current)
5. Regent's books for US History and Physics
6. Passport (helpful)
7. Folio file circa 2000-2001, indicating some past semblance of admirable organizational habits
8. Taxes filed 1998-present
9. Report cards, grades K-8
10. Assorted dust bunnies
2. Calling card with a hundred minutes, maybe-hopefully?
3. Perfect Attendance certificate, Glenwood School, 1988-1989
4. Instruction manuals including but not limited to: toaster oven, VCR, vacuum cleaner,computer, phone, calculator, microwave (not all current)
5. Regent's books for US History and Physics
6. Passport (helpful)
7. Folio file circa 2000-2001, indicating some past semblance of admirable organizational habits
8. Taxes filed 1998-present
9. Report cards, grades K-8
10. Assorted dust bunnies
Saturday, April 23, 2005
drinks?
I was going to write about pretty and pink and how if james spader and andrew mccarthy somehow melded together with a dash of duckie, they might be the perfect guy. i was going to tell you the argument godmother and i got into about it. she wouldn't hear of it! but i'm in love! i said. i'm in love! she shook her head and walked out into the garden mumbling about how if dear father were alive (my most loved godfather) he'd talk some sense into my ambling sentimental heart. and it's true i might be a bit on the tenuous side lately. as we were watching collegiate cheerleading championships in daytona- godmother said, that is beautiful (referring to a jump) and i actually teared up and said, yes it is. i'm not sure what i found to be beautiful- humanity, the sparkly outfits or maybe the word. maybe the word beautiful is a perfect incapsulation of itself. but that's not what i was going to tell you about...
back to drinks... i can't seem to keep them in my hand. i'm always knocking glasses out of my hand. they slip, i hit the door jamb- ice cubes and drink go gushing everywhere with a splash and a tumble. i knock them over with a spastic hand or a turn of the wrist. they simply fall. and not a week goes by that it doesn't happen. thankfully most of the glasses aren't of the breakable kind. i'm not sure why i can't hold water or why i can't seem to... i wonder. if perhaps something horrible somewhere, at sometime, happened and i'm just close to replicating a moment in time, but for the accidental. or the purposeful drop of the hand.
back to drinks... i can't seem to keep them in my hand. i'm always knocking glasses out of my hand. they slip, i hit the door jamb- ice cubes and drink go gushing everywhere with a splash and a tumble. i knock them over with a spastic hand or a turn of the wrist. they simply fall. and not a week goes by that it doesn't happen. thankfully most of the glasses aren't of the breakable kind. i'm not sure why i can't hold water or why i can't seem to... i wonder. if perhaps something horrible somewhere, at sometime, happened and i'm just close to replicating a moment in time, but for the accidental. or the purposeful drop of the hand.
distilled, apologies to a letter intended
ten thousand apologies
completely hectic.
it's going to settle down for sure
a hard time keeping quiet
all sorts
stupid errands
run for it,
wants
i'm like...sure!
really, no problem,
it just,
all my-
away,
you know?
it's still fun,
and i
even if are
rsvping "no."
the big deal,
i ask?
look,this was today.
and I am SO excited.
i really intended,
but then,
i was like,
the only thing is
i lost,
so i spent an hour ripping apart all my files.
i cut my thumb,
somehow,
and came up with nothing actually,
and the conclusion,
especially before
everything else,
and there's a lot,
not so much.
next on the list.
in the meantime,
i have to
and
like a whirlwind;
the usual
extremely resistant to,
twice a year,
i can do it.
but it's rough.
you know i am.
i haven't
scattered
(my apologies again).
like one and a half times,
and then
and then
writing this and
looking
shaking my head.
however, at least?
so...soon
it will get better.
completely hectic.
it's going to settle down for sure
a hard time keeping quiet
all sorts
stupid errands
run for it,
wants
i'm like...sure!
really, no problem,
it just,
all my-
away,
you know?
it's still fun,
and i
even if are
rsvping "no."
the big deal,
i ask?
look,this was today.
and I am SO excited.
i really intended,
but then,
i was like,
the only thing is
i lost,
so i spent an hour ripping apart all my files.
i cut my thumb,
somehow,
and came up with nothing actually,
and the conclusion,
especially before
everything else,
and there's a lot,
not so much.
next on the list.
in the meantime,
i have to
and
like a whirlwind;
the usual
extremely resistant to,
twice a year,
i can do it.
but it's rough.
you know i am.
i haven't
scattered
(my apologies again).
like one and a half times,
and then
and then
writing this and
looking
shaking my head.
however, at least?
so...soon
it will get better.
Friday, April 22, 2005
ps. EDD
received 5th EDD form. followed instructions on page 15 of my EDD manual. checked my columns. realized 3rd form error but not the 2nd form error. mailed it out the next day.
i wait with baited breath upon the breach.
i wait with baited breath upon the breach.
wow, okay
so penelope is still no where to be found. i might start mascarading as her just to see her name once again grace the page. (tear, sigh)
it's been, i can't believe it- the whole week is standing behind me gesturing and making rude comments about my godmother, I don't disagree. I think the first blogless days spoke to my listless psychological state of, is this my life, is this all there is- latin phrases and praise for aloe- which by the way, is still amazing. i was looking at it with amazement and wonder just last night.
to recap>: i learned about the accounting phrase called "doubtful accounts"-- which means that it is money owed but unlikely paid. i have a couple of those and if i had connections to the mafia and no rich admonishing godmother i would most likely seek revenge. as it is there's a mental tally column called "screwed over" right next to "black listed".
happenstance>: i was at home shifting about garden pots so they were in a more agreeable arrangement- sort of like the art of Ikebana but different and involving strain to the lower back. i was on the phone with my friend and my cousin was within earshot- he said, let's go to B.J's. i said, what do you think we are that we can lounge about all day like the upperclasses?! my friend started laughing on the other end. she said, right, some of us have to work for a living. i said, well doesn't moving pots around count for anything? she didn't answer.
also, i received my seller's permit! (get out) no seriously! it was in this horrible packet with brochures and said something about quarterly taxes and i was like ew, and then i was like, my like, eyes are like burning. and i was like, gah. i have to look at this like later.
new experiences: strawberry and rhubarb pie. i like i like. and then (THEN THEN THEN)there was the department of public services. in chatsworth. remember how i don't care about things until they happen to me or until they happen to someone i know- well my friend needed moral support bcs she needed to apply for medical. so i took a deep breath knowing full well about the no appointment, 1-3 hour wait and went in with only one bag of nuts and a pint of water. big mistake. despite the deprevation of 2 really important things i think it was a relatively painless experience. i ran out of trail mix at 10:30 then around 10:45 a search of my friends bag revealed a stash of almonds. that tided me over. but just then the surge of children in the waiting room peaked along with general clamour and the screetching announcement system and i went to sleep in the car. i texted my friend and she appeared 10 minutes later with a folder of necessary paperwork- the funniest requirement: she needs a note from the doctor re: pregnancy. i looked at her belly and said, well it could be fake. i'm not sure though, i think i just saw something move in there.
it's been, i can't believe it- the whole week is standing behind me gesturing and making rude comments about my godmother, I don't disagree. I think the first blogless days spoke to my listless psychological state of, is this my life, is this all there is- latin phrases and praise for aloe- which by the way, is still amazing. i was looking at it with amazement and wonder just last night.
to recap>: i learned about the accounting phrase called "doubtful accounts"-- which means that it is money owed but unlikely paid. i have a couple of those and if i had connections to the mafia and no rich admonishing godmother i would most likely seek revenge. as it is there's a mental tally column called "screwed over" right next to "black listed".
happenstance>: i was at home shifting about garden pots so they were in a more agreeable arrangement- sort of like the art of Ikebana but different and involving strain to the lower back. i was on the phone with my friend and my cousin was within earshot- he said, let's go to B.J's. i said, what do you think we are that we can lounge about all day like the upperclasses?! my friend started laughing on the other end. she said, right, some of us have to work for a living. i said, well doesn't moving pots around count for anything? she didn't answer.
also, i received my seller's permit! (get out) no seriously! it was in this horrible packet with brochures and said something about quarterly taxes and i was like ew, and then i was like, my like, eyes are like burning. and i was like, gah. i have to look at this like later.
new experiences: strawberry and rhubarb pie. i like i like. and then (THEN THEN THEN)there was the department of public services. in chatsworth. remember how i don't care about things until they happen to me or until they happen to someone i know- well my friend needed moral support bcs she needed to apply for medical. so i took a deep breath knowing full well about the no appointment, 1-3 hour wait and went in with only one bag of nuts and a pint of water. big mistake. despite the deprevation of 2 really important things i think it was a relatively painless experience. i ran out of trail mix at 10:30 then around 10:45 a search of my friends bag revealed a stash of almonds. that tided me over. but just then the surge of children in the waiting room peaked along with general clamour and the screetching announcement system and i went to sleep in the car. i texted my friend and she appeared 10 minutes later with a folder of necessary paperwork- the funniest requirement: she needs a note from the doctor re: pregnancy. i looked at her belly and said, well it could be fake. i'm not sure though, i think i just saw something move in there.
Monday, April 18, 2005
aloe
friday i was cooking a pizza that coincidentally had entirely too much goatcheese on it. my hand cocked awkwardly as i was removing the tray and i burned the leftside of my right palm. the horror. i could see the deep red indent forming and so i went outside and chucked a piece of aloe off the mother plant and slapped it onto the burn. i was initially skeptical as I stood there contemplating the snot like nature of part of the aloe and the gelatonous context of the other. but then i remembered that once i had a burn on my thumb and i had tapped aloe to it and left it there all night and the next day no blister was to be found. i then decided to not half ass it. i skinned a big piece off and taped it to the left side of my palm (with non-medicinal tape- a bad idea) and i left it there all day. that night i could see a few tiny blisters threatening to form. the horror! but as i stand here magically typing by telepathy, all that is left is a slightly redder, waxier and decidely non-blistered mark where a very painful blister should be. hazah! all hail mother nature! exelcior, the magic elixir worked!
Saturday, April 16, 2005
oh my god i think i'm depressed.
although the thought of the 80's prom is pretty, well- frickin fantastic. maybe it's the idea of watching an hour of cops or the love trouble that luke and loreli are having somewhere around season 2. that would make anyone spiral after realizing they don't have anyone to have trouble with. or maybe it's my blood sugar level or the phase of the moon or the temperature of the air. or novel vs. play. or the fact that, really, hollywood never started with any other pretention than what it is today. there is money at stake. there is always money at stake. is art a happy accident.is there hope for form 5. does soy icecream exist for a reason. will i ever learn french. own a car of my own. make money. get out of debt. exercise. give up fast food. cry at the drop of the hat. own an urban garden. die of a mysterious disease. be banished to an island. live off coconuts. travel the world. be kidnapped for ransom. find the jelly bracelets. contemplate the wonder of jelly shoes. lose my sense of smell. become allergic to oil paint. wear tissue boxes on my feet. the ones that are aloe scented. play the lottery. disappear. join witness protection. get lost, very lost in an illusary world. believe the raft real. believe the blue devils at my back. stack soup cans outside my door. understand the world to be calling. refuse to answer.
Friday, April 15, 2005
trip
into the 7th circle of hell!
the EDD is turning out to be one of satan's many minions. while i had suspected this i didn't give it much thought until yesterday. this is the case with most things anyway. you're not going to care until it happens to you or someone you know. that is just how it is. my simple saga- in word form: unemployed one week, fill out "simple" online form, receive paperwork, thought: i'm in., fillout another form, think: okay, now I'm in. receive 3rd form- which looks suspiciously like the second form, fill it out again. begin to think: crap. receive a 4th form saying i've filled out forms 2 and 3 incorrectly and more importantly sent form 2 in too early?! i'm not even making this up. too early. i got penalized for sending it in TOO EARLY. WTF. they tell me to call immediately. they leave no number. but that doesn't stop me. SO: I.CALL. after 4 punches- 1,2,4,2 respectively- i'm told that there are too many people on hold and that they can't take my call. CLICK. i try off and on for a couple of hours. click. CLICK. i am reminded that there is a website. i send a query. today a man calls me twice in 5 minutes thinking that he has perhaps done his duty in trying to reach me. I MISS THE CALL. (S). He sends me an email, to which I cannot reply to. He SAYS: I WILL SEND YOU ANOTHER FORM. PLEASE MAKE SURE TO FILL IT OUT CORRECTLY THIS TIME. well for fucksake. i send another query from the magic website- i say what makes you think that I'll fill it out correctly this time? i'm an idiot aren't i? with an IQ of 137! What makes you think i'm going to fill it out correctly THIS TIME!!
who would've suspected that calling three people to find out the exact intersection, still not knowing the zipcode and hopefully maybe might get my sellers permit in the mail by "5 business days" would be the easy part of the day.
the EDD is turning out to be one of satan's many minions. while i had suspected this i didn't give it much thought until yesterday. this is the case with most things anyway. you're not going to care until it happens to you or someone you know. that is just how it is. my simple saga- in word form: unemployed one week, fill out "simple" online form, receive paperwork, thought: i'm in., fillout another form, think: okay, now I'm in. receive 3rd form- which looks suspiciously like the second form, fill it out again. begin to think: crap. receive a 4th form saying i've filled out forms 2 and 3 incorrectly and more importantly sent form 2 in too early?! i'm not even making this up. too early. i got penalized for sending it in TOO EARLY. WTF. they tell me to call immediately. they leave no number. but that doesn't stop me. SO: I.CALL. after 4 punches- 1,2,4,2 respectively- i'm told that there are too many people on hold and that they can't take my call. CLICK. i try off and on for a couple of hours. click. CLICK. i am reminded that there is a website. i send a query. today a man calls me twice in 5 minutes thinking that he has perhaps done his duty in trying to reach me. I MISS THE CALL. (S). He sends me an email, to which I cannot reply to. He SAYS: I WILL SEND YOU ANOTHER FORM. PLEASE MAKE SURE TO FILL IT OUT CORRECTLY THIS TIME. well for fucksake. i send another query from the magic website- i say what makes you think that I'll fill it out correctly this time? i'm an idiot aren't i? with an IQ of 137! What makes you think i'm going to fill it out correctly THIS TIME!!
who would've suspected that calling three people to find out the exact intersection, still not knowing the zipcode and hopefully maybe might get my sellers permit in the mail by "5 business days" would be the easy part of the day.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
My Day
Some inane website says this about My Day: "Mix and mingle with a variety of people today. Business ideas may develop if you talk about your plans with friends, neighbors or a relative. A short trip will help you decide whether you want to make a change. The Moon is in Cancer and personal issues can be handled with ease. The more receptive you are to those around you the easier it will be to get things accomplished." I actually do plan to mingle with a variety of people- trip to Swains, The ArtStore, Trader Joes and the BOE for a sellers permit certainly qualifies don't you think? And the seller's permit is a business idea sort of and i have been talking about it. So well damn.
I surfed for other more enlightening scopes but actually this one had to be the best, so then i decided to look up my dragon sign and that was fraught with hours of web peril so i declined and went straight to the ONION:
Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
"A nutty mix-up during your elopement will see you going to the wrong house and abducting the wrong man, but luckily you'll be a hell of a lot happier with him."
Ah, now that's better. I don't know what godmother would have to say about it but mmm, fantastic. that's what i say. in other news, whether in jammies or not we are in pursuit of the ivy. wouldn't you agree? like those skits, that beach ball and the words "I am snappish and rude. But with relish." aren't they taking you somewhere? while i acknowledge that being trapped in hell is distracting I think we need some perspective.
next up- how my trip abroad (aka out of the house) went and other things like getting complimented on my tan and my resume all in the same day. sure neither are making me money right now but damn, i love being validated.
I surfed for other more enlightening scopes but actually this one had to be the best, so then i decided to look up my dragon sign and that was fraught with hours of web peril so i declined and went straight to the ONION:
Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
"A nutty mix-up during your elopement will see you going to the wrong house and abducting the wrong man, but luckily you'll be a hell of a lot happier with him."
Ah, now that's better. I don't know what godmother would have to say about it but mmm, fantastic. that's what i say. in other news, whether in jammies or not we are in pursuit of the ivy. wouldn't you agree? like those skits, that beach ball and the words "I am snappish and rude. But with relish." aren't they taking you somewhere? while i acknowledge that being trapped in hell is distracting I think we need some perspective.
next up- how my trip abroad (aka out of the house) went and other things like getting complimented on my tan and my resume all in the same day. sure neither are making me money right now but damn, i love being validated.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Little Camper
My horoscope, says iVillage: "It would be easy to get depressed -- but don't let it happen. Things may be tough at the moment, but there's something wonderful coming up, and the weekend looks marvelous. Now buck up."
I have to picture the guy in Better off Dead: "Buck up, little camper."
It's true, though, because today and for part of last night, I tailspinned. I ran out of Corporate Outfit Combos and also dress socks. And I don't have any belts worth mentioning. And my sweaters make me feel frumpy, where last week, I got a little rise out of wearing my new picture ID badge on a string. I need to go shopping. I get paid Friday, and the magic of the Online System has allowed me to see what I'll be receiving. And it's a lot better--though for some reason I expected even more. Shouldn't it be more, for all the skits we're having to perform? That's right, perform. No one said anything about performing during the grueling interview process that spanned well over a month. They told us everything else that was going to be bad: it's going to be a high-stress job with much efficiency required, patience, and oh yeah some people skills. We'll see what I got, but until then it's training. Which means online classes, group projects, Q&A sessions involving a tossed beach ball, and skits. Horrid skits.
I'm not an improv girl. In front of an audience, I am Deer Girl in Headlights. And compared to a few years ago, say? I'm way better. I'm a walking ad for Xanax-influenced placidity. I can mostly handle things through breathing exercises and Dr. Phil-influenced self-talk. I am logical. My face remains a somewhat normal shade. Except. That. I. Can't. Improv.
And this only comes into play when you're in a really sucky group with a really sucky skit assignment and no one's paying attention on a sucky Wednesday morning. Also, I left the house without my wedding rings today. And the socks, have I mentioned the socks? I ran out of plausible options days ago. Tempers, namely will mine, flare.
So, I tell the Bossy, Know-it-All Girl with aspirations to one day be the trainer, rather than the trainee--to her I say, "Can we talk about the skit, now, please?" Rather than, for instance, whatever bossy, know-it-all lecture you happen to be giving our other group members? Because that has nothing to do with anything. And have I mentioned I'm not good at improv?
I am snappish and rude. But with relish.
I flub through it. I fake some lines. Meanwhile, this activity seems to phase no one else, and one boy even wins an Oscar for his hacking, beer-swilling great-aunt character. I am a deer. A doe. Doe, a dear.
I am corporate. I miss my Ivy Aspiring. My goal is to wear pajama pants, all day, every day.
But I will buck up, the little camper.
I have to picture the guy in Better off Dead: "Buck up, little camper."
It's true, though, because today and for part of last night, I tailspinned. I ran out of Corporate Outfit Combos and also dress socks. And I don't have any belts worth mentioning. And my sweaters make me feel frumpy, where last week, I got a little rise out of wearing my new picture ID badge on a string. I need to go shopping. I get paid Friday, and the magic of the Online System has allowed me to see what I'll be receiving. And it's a lot better--though for some reason I expected even more. Shouldn't it be more, for all the skits we're having to perform? That's right, perform. No one said anything about performing during the grueling interview process that spanned well over a month. They told us everything else that was going to be bad: it's going to be a high-stress job with much efficiency required, patience, and oh yeah some people skills. We'll see what I got, but until then it's training. Which means online classes, group projects, Q&A sessions involving a tossed beach ball, and skits. Horrid skits.
I'm not an improv girl. In front of an audience, I am Deer Girl in Headlights. And compared to a few years ago, say? I'm way better. I'm a walking ad for Xanax-influenced placidity. I can mostly handle things through breathing exercises and Dr. Phil-influenced self-talk. I am logical. My face remains a somewhat normal shade. Except. That. I. Can't. Improv.
And this only comes into play when you're in a really sucky group with a really sucky skit assignment and no one's paying attention on a sucky Wednesday morning. Also, I left the house without my wedding rings today. And the socks, have I mentioned the socks? I ran out of plausible options days ago. Tempers, namely will mine, flare.
So, I tell the Bossy, Know-it-All Girl with aspirations to one day be the trainer, rather than the trainee--to her I say, "Can we talk about the skit, now, please?" Rather than, for instance, whatever bossy, know-it-all lecture you happen to be giving our other group members? Because that has nothing to do with anything. And have I mentioned I'm not good at improv?
I am snappish and rude. But with relish.
I flub through it. I fake some lines. Meanwhile, this activity seems to phase no one else, and one boy even wins an Oscar for his hacking, beer-swilling great-aunt character. I am a deer. A doe. Doe, a dear.
I am corporate. I miss my Ivy Aspiring. My goal is to wear pajama pants, all day, every day.
But I will buck up, the little camper.
Penelope Promises Redux
as i sit here as just one personality among a veritable quiche plate of many i'm tempted to eat the quiche bcs my god they're so tasty. why would i even attempt to assert my own quiche-ness if i'm happily occupied remarking on everyone elses. i went to the internet to find quiche and i found a production company and among other things microwavable quiche by betty crocker. i thought i should stop there. i mean any further investigation seemed mut. like- hadn't i hit bottom.
yesterday i got 4 out of 5 points done on my list but all i could think of was where's penelope. today i go up the mountain. that is the only thing on my list. that is the only thing i know about for sure.
yesterday i got 4 out of 5 points done on my list but all i could think of was where's penelope. today i go up the mountain. that is the only thing on my list. that is the only thing i know about for sure.
Monday, April 11, 2005
trouble with margains
some might say that my poem was a cop out, an excuse if you will to avoid talking about a larger epic. bcs trust me it is epic in proportion. but some might also say that you're lucky to get anything at all. given my recent addiction to a 5 hour gilmore marathon and watching all of project greenlight2 in 2 days... i mean you know my involvement was just a little too, too. you know what i mean? i'm seeking help. no, really.
okay i'm lying. who has the time. i will say though that PG2, PG3 made me hate casting directors and studios. it made me wonder once again how i could stand to enter this business except for the fringes. i mean, i think i viscerally was troubled by the entire PG2, PG3 trend, reality, premise, fact. Like that's why Judge won't ever follow up "office space." I felt my chest tighten a few times in panic. it also made me wonder how anything quality manages to come off the page and onto cinematic screens near you. it's like those horror films that make you back slowly out of the room screaming the horror the horror, or if you're marlon brando laying down, and whispering, "the horror the horror." it didn't stop me from applying for "creative executive" at the WB today. I thought if May-bee could do it on "Arrested Development" there's always a chance I could too right? sure i don't have marketing experience but i have that creative part down pat. and i promise only as a last resort would i ever mark my office walls with the phrase, "exterminate them all." the brutes! how could they! how could any of us.
so after finishing the movie "the battle of shaker heights" with its ridiculous marketing jacket and the uninspired blooper reel- i realized i'd fallen a little too far down the rabbits hole. thank god i've got shoes with spikes on them and i'd tethered myself to a self retracting mechanism called "me." it doesn't mean i'm not a little scathed however. i realize now i need to go back to my lists, to waiting for the unemployment check, to sunflower seeds at my right hand and the cup of lemonade to my left. real concrete things like my tan and maybe if i'm lucky, old eps of murder she wrote.
okay i'm lying. who has the time. i will say though that PG2, PG3 made me hate casting directors and studios. it made me wonder once again how i could stand to enter this business except for the fringes. i mean, i think i viscerally was troubled by the entire PG2, PG3 trend, reality, premise, fact. Like that's why Judge won't ever follow up "office space." I felt my chest tighten a few times in panic. it also made me wonder how anything quality manages to come off the page and onto cinematic screens near you. it's like those horror films that make you back slowly out of the room screaming the horror the horror, or if you're marlon brando laying down, and whispering, "the horror the horror." it didn't stop me from applying for "creative executive" at the WB today. I thought if May-bee could do it on "Arrested Development" there's always a chance I could too right? sure i don't have marketing experience but i have that creative part down pat. and i promise only as a last resort would i ever mark my office walls with the phrase, "exterminate them all." the brutes! how could they! how could any of us.
so after finishing the movie "the battle of shaker heights" with its ridiculous marketing jacket and the uninspired blooper reel- i realized i'd fallen a little too far down the rabbits hole. thank god i've got shoes with spikes on them and i'd tethered myself to a self retracting mechanism called "me." it doesn't mean i'm not a little scathed however. i realize now i need to go back to my lists, to waiting for the unemployment check, to sunflower seeds at my right hand and the cup of lemonade to my left. real concrete things like my tan and maybe if i'm lucky, old eps of murder she wrote.
The Flight
there were 3 deaths once removed,
a very sick cat,
2 births to come,
and a free bird.
the cat and the bird are mine. the life and death stuff are everyone elses.
the cat:
a stray,
down by half,
so sick it wouldn't eat,
when i petted it...
still clenched
its
fist
in a weak smile.
hasten natures process
by killing it
ourselves.
the three deaths:
a cousin,
grandmother,
father.
expected-
all 3.
but when
was another matter.
there were
final goodbyes.
2 births:
2 friends
in tandem
grow out
and in
a foot moves upon
the flesh
the flesh
the readiness
all.
the bird:
oh, morning dove.
through the window-
with a thud and flutter,
yell: Cats!
and downy feathers spread
waft,
on down the hall.
the bird in hand
into 3am air
blink-
beautiful
night.
and down on the cool ground
oh, bird!
and breath.
with a chortle
takes flight
and lives.
a very sick cat,
2 births to come,
and a free bird.
the cat and the bird are mine. the life and death stuff are everyone elses.
the cat:
a stray,
down by half,
so sick it wouldn't eat,
when i petted it...
still clenched
its
fist
in a weak smile.
hasten natures process
by killing it
ourselves.
the three deaths:
a cousin,
grandmother,
father.
expected-
all 3.
but when
was another matter.
there were
final goodbyes.
2 births:
2 friends
in tandem
grow out
and in
a foot moves upon
the flesh
the flesh
the readiness
all.
the bird:
oh, morning dove.
through the window-
with a thud and flutter,
yell: Cats!
and downy feathers spread
waft,
on down the hall.
the bird in hand
into 3am air
blink-
beautiful
night.
and down on the cool ground
oh, bird!
and breath.
with a chortle
takes flight
and lives.
Wednesday, April 6, 2005
mid-morning
i wanted to blog about butterflies- turns out the butterflies we thought were monarchs that had blown by here were actually called "painted ladies" from mexico. why not just call them whores. or is it just me... anyway bcs the desert has been bursting into bloom there are more of those painted ladies than usual. i didn't feel the need to dig any deeper.
in other MENDACIOUS news:
i'll be participating in an art fair in MAY. so you've got about a month to psyche yourself up- for what i don't know. you make it up and let me know.
also the list thing is working with varied success. apparently one half of me likes to do it. the other half likes to undermine it. sure "exercise/yoga/bike" has been on the list in varying spots from 1-4 it has as yet to work. today is the day. that's what i'm saying.
admission: i'm boring myself lately which is a consequence of not working. not enough outside stimulous but i'll continue the dialogue in the hopes that something enlightening will emerge.
"if we fail to write how will the pattern emerge."
in other MENDACIOUS news:
i'll be participating in an art fair in MAY. so you've got about a month to psyche yourself up- for what i don't know. you make it up and let me know.
also the list thing is working with varied success. apparently one half of me likes to do it. the other half likes to undermine it. sure "exercise/yoga/bike" has been on the list in varying spots from 1-4 it has as yet to work. today is the day. that's what i'm saying.
admission: i'm boring myself lately which is a consequence of not working. not enough outside stimulous but i'll continue the dialogue in the hopes that something enlightening will emerge.
"if we fail to write how will the pattern emerge."
Tuesday, April 5, 2005
Corporate Me
Today when we went around the room to introduce ourselves (most hated task!), I made sure to say, "And I'm a writer." Even if it's not true, even if I am currently not physically writing something, isn't also true that we just always are writers? Like, it's in us, and that can't be taken away. We'll always be that observing variety, thinking in crafty sentences.
Yeah.
Anyway, suddenly the room became Very Interested, and it made me feel better, because now that's Out There. I'm not just here, bumbling, being shy. I'm trying to earn a buck, true. But there's something else to me, and the fact that I don't talk very much? That doesn't mean I'm boring. I have A Plan.
And here are the things I have collected over the past two days:
1. Stainless steel coffee mug
2. Two pens, one white and one blue. The blue one is like half a pen, with this weird lever-thingy that makes the ballpoint appear
3. A CD cutter, for those pesky sticky labels you can never get off with just fingernails
4. A post-it pad and a magnet, both for the fridge
5. A shoestring necklace for my photo ID badge, which must be visible at all times
Yeah.
Anyway, suddenly the room became Very Interested, and it made me feel better, because now that's Out There. I'm not just here, bumbling, being shy. I'm trying to earn a buck, true. But there's something else to me, and the fact that I don't talk very much? That doesn't mean I'm boring. I have A Plan.
And here are the things I have collected over the past two days:
1. Stainless steel coffee mug
2. Two pens, one white and one blue. The blue one is like half a pen, with this weird lever-thingy that makes the ballpoint appear
3. A CD cutter, for those pesky sticky labels you can never get off with just fingernails
4. A post-it pad and a magnet, both for the fridge
5. A shoestring necklace for my photo ID badge, which must be visible at all times
HAPPY 6th month ANNIVERSARY!
Dear Blog,
It seems like only yesterday we were just convincing ourselves that we had to start you. That we should write on you everyday and share our voice with the world! And here it is 6 months later- we still don't have a clear direction but we have readership and love, not even just the warm fuzzy kind- but confrontational truth affirming love. And I like it.
I would spend the rest of this letter telling you about the success and failures of other 6month relationships (which involve those little stupid bears with hearts) but as I am a spinster with a harsh and admonishing godmother, I don't think it entirely appropriate. Those clandestine meetings, the near affairs, the heartbreaking un-requitted love, the desolution of friendships... but here you are standing strong 6months into what is turning out to be a wonderful relationship. Let's not think on the past but on the future, of us, dear BLOG.
We've taken enormous strides by the mear act of writing. Imagine my darling, balloons, streamers and confetti... strawberries dipped in chocolate and galant attire. This party in my head is all for you!
THE VERSE:MAKING THE IVY is a success. no matter what happens- it's all been worth it.
It seems like only yesterday we were just convincing ourselves that we had to start you. That we should write on you everyday and share our voice with the world! And here it is 6 months later- we still don't have a clear direction but we have readership and love, not even just the warm fuzzy kind- but confrontational truth affirming love. And I like it.
I would spend the rest of this letter telling you about the success and failures of other 6month relationships (which involve those little stupid bears with hearts) but as I am a spinster with a harsh and admonishing godmother, I don't think it entirely appropriate. Those clandestine meetings, the near affairs, the heartbreaking un-requitted love, the desolution of friendships... but here you are standing strong 6months into what is turning out to be a wonderful relationship. Let's not think on the past but on the future, of us, dear BLOG.
We've taken enormous strides by the mear act of writing. Imagine my darling, balloons, streamers and confetti... strawberries dipped in chocolate and galant attire. This party in my head is all for you!
THE VERSE:MAKING THE IVY is a success. no matter what happens- it's all been worth it.
Saturday, April 2, 2005
What I've Been Doing, Where I've Been:
1. At work, planning my escape
Two Monday's ago, I arrived at work to find that after talking about it for years, they finally converted our database to the ugly, text-based platform. A week and a half before my last day, of course. And Windows was gone, replaced by Linux. Oh, and since you're in Customer Service and we ran out of computers, we had to give you The Slow One. Sorry!
So all my crafting and training in the Art of Being a Sneaky Workplace Badass, down the tubes. Instead of emailing and surfing on the sly, it was more--how do I work this thing? How do I look up orders? What am I looking at on the screen? How do I do my job again? Except that no one knew the answers.
Frankly, the time period passed in an insane little blur. My last day we had cupcakes, and also my departure coincided with a company pizza party. Typical. For our hard work in making the new database a success. Which isn't even true.
But I'm back now!
Will forgiveness be granted?
Pretty please?
Two Monday's ago, I arrived at work to find that after talking about it for years, they finally converted our database to the ugly, text-based platform. A week and a half before my last day, of course. And Windows was gone, replaced by Linux. Oh, and since you're in Customer Service and we ran out of computers, we had to give you The Slow One. Sorry!
So all my crafting and training in the Art of Being a Sneaky Workplace Badass, down the tubes. Instead of emailing and surfing on the sly, it was more--how do I work this thing? How do I look up orders? What am I looking at on the screen? How do I do my job again? Except that no one knew the answers.
Frankly, the time period passed in an insane little blur. My last day we had cupcakes, and also my departure coincided with a company pizza party. Typical. For our hard work in making the new database a success. Which isn't even true.
But I'm back now!
Will forgiveness be granted?
Pretty please?
My Dog
Is afraid of the wind. Literally.
***Break: Let me just say that Mendacious, you have properly shamed me. Blog Protective Services should be coming for me any moment now to arrest me for my neglect.***
So the not-so-little black dog spent all last night jumping on the couch and in bed with her mommy and daddy, more so than usual, entirely spooked by the anonymously stirring curtains, the thrashing windchimes, and the general upset that is going on outide. Honestly, though, it's a lovely spring rain. We need it, and for once this year, it's not making things cold. All the plants are outside, drinking it in, and though the couch under the open window suffered a little dampness this morning, the dog a little emotional trauma, it has been sweet to have all the windows open and the breeze blowing and the sound of rain.
***Break: Let me just say that Mendacious, you have properly shamed me. Blog Protective Services should be coming for me any moment now to arrest me for my neglect.***
So the not-so-little black dog spent all last night jumping on the couch and in bed with her mommy and daddy, more so than usual, entirely spooked by the anonymously stirring curtains, the thrashing windchimes, and the general upset that is going on outide. Honestly, though, it's a lovely spring rain. We need it, and for once this year, it's not making things cold. All the plants are outside, drinking it in, and though the couch under the open window suffered a little dampness this morning, the dog a little emotional trauma, it has been sweet to have all the windows open and the breeze blowing and the sound of rain.
Friday, April 1, 2005
Penelope Promises
Mendacious says:
Yes, I pirated this blog. Penelope no longer exists but a fond memory. She has been pushed to the darker recesses of my mind. I thought I would tell you. You'd think perhaps this goading would induce her to the fore. But no. It won't. I can't say why.
Today I pretended to be a camera op. Like they tell you in acting classes you NEVER disagree, never, ever- not when you're improv'ng or when they ask if you know how to do something in an audition. Do you know how to sky dive. YES, yes I do, and I'll show you how! (With a smile, with enthusiasm!) So today an associate of a friend needed for me to "shoot" something. I said, stills? He said, No- I've got a Canon xl something or other and he said, is that okay? And i said, "Yah, no problem." Sure I've never shot anything professionally before. I don't own a dv cam, nor have i ever used one, but you know I think, I can pull it off. God I hope so. I really do.
The beauty part is, my bless'ed logging experience has come in handy. All that raw footage gave me the eyes of a camera guy. How to swish pan, to rack focus in fact, to do other things involving xcu and xws. Or you know, sound like I know what I'm talking about like "oh you want me to get that, so you could do some "quick cuts" or well i did some uh stuff involving a tripod. But anyway who could believe I'd be a camera guy for 30 minutes. It was a good time. Now, who knows about the footage. I don't. Don't tell me. I don't wanna know.
I really started off wanting to tell you about the Pacific Ocean:
It's the largest and deepest of the oceans, it is probably the most violent of all oceans too. The Pacific Ocean has typhoons in the equatorial regions, nearly 300 active volcanoes which vent steam and smoke on her borders, and tidal waves are periodically unleashed. In comparison with the Pacific and the Indian Oceans, the Atlantic is the saltiest. The Pacific Ocean is less salty because of meteorological conditions. And it has the deepest trench and the longest mountain range.
Crazy huh. Yah. And to think I touched that violent mass yesterday and it numbed my feet. It has also almost dragged me out to sea in riptides, threw a rock at me and made my neck stuck sideways for a day when i was little imparing me until a car accident in 98, deposited countless sand particles in all sorts of unmentionable places, tossed me around, let me per'fect sumersaults and body surfing and provided soothing ambient sounds to lull me to sleep. It's responsible for so many things I can hardly think why anyone would want to go in it- that living, breathing thing.
Yes, I pirated this blog. Penelope no longer exists but a fond memory. She has been pushed to the darker recesses of my mind. I thought I would tell you. You'd think perhaps this goading would induce her to the fore. But no. It won't. I can't say why.
Today I pretended to be a camera op. Like they tell you in acting classes you NEVER disagree, never, ever- not when you're improv'ng or when they ask if you know how to do something in an audition. Do you know how to sky dive. YES, yes I do, and I'll show you how! (With a smile, with enthusiasm!) So today an associate of a friend needed for me to "shoot" something. I said, stills? He said, No- I've got a Canon xl something or other and he said, is that okay? And i said, "Yah, no problem." Sure I've never shot anything professionally before. I don't own a dv cam, nor have i ever used one, but you know I think, I can pull it off. God I hope so. I really do.
The beauty part is, my bless'ed logging experience has come in handy. All that raw footage gave me the eyes of a camera guy. How to swish pan, to rack focus in fact, to do other things involving xcu and xws. Or you know, sound like I know what I'm talking about like "oh you want me to get that, so you could do some "quick cuts" or well i did some uh stuff involving a tripod. But anyway who could believe I'd be a camera guy for 30 minutes. It was a good time. Now, who knows about the footage. I don't. Don't tell me. I don't wanna know.
I really started off wanting to tell you about the Pacific Ocean:
It's the largest and deepest of the oceans, it is probably the most violent of all oceans too. The Pacific Ocean has typhoons in the equatorial regions, nearly 300 active volcanoes which vent steam and smoke on her borders, and tidal waves are periodically unleashed. In comparison with the Pacific and the Indian Oceans, the Atlantic is the saltiest. The Pacific Ocean is less salty because of meteorological conditions. And it has the deepest trench and the longest mountain range.
Crazy huh. Yah. And to think I touched that violent mass yesterday and it numbed my feet. It has also almost dragged me out to sea in riptides, threw a rock at me and made my neck stuck sideways for a day when i was little imparing me until a car accident in 98, deposited countless sand particles in all sorts of unmentionable places, tossed me around, let me per'fect sumersaults and body surfing and provided soothing ambient sounds to lull me to sleep. It's responsible for so many things I can hardly think why anyone would want to go in it- that living, breathing thing.
the end of week 2
it's the end of week 2. I have to say that the itemizing of the list worked and i got 5 of 7 items done. yesterday i treated myself to a trip to the beach, bcs if i am going to be unemployed i might as well build up my base tan. so the itemizing there wasn't effective. i couldn't sit still and really every time i went into the water my feet went numb. it wasn't a matter of circulation, it was more about the fact that the water was freezing.
people observed: so there were 3 guys who ran into the water. gutsy i thought. then after a minute they ran back out. i assume they were turning numb as well. then instead of laying down on the sand or sitting on a towel they commensed standing. it was really quite unnerving and done out of the corner of my eye. so i kept staring at them. they had nice shorts on- sort of vintage, well fitting and not man-skirts that go to the knee. and i was like why aren't they sitting down. why. why. why. stop standing there. don't you know you're causing a scene. you look conspicuous! then one sat down and the other two kept standing. it was infuriating! sit. sit. sit. why aren't they sitting. then after a while the second one finally sat down but the third remained standing. i had to commense ignoring them as every attempt to rationalize their behavior met with disbelief. then later, i looked and they were gone, wither they went, i know not.
as this observation seems to be my lowpoint of blogging i can only hope i'll more effectively blog about butterflies tomorrow. but i hold no hope. not unlike theories that hold no water. freezing. numbing. water. it could be due to a lack of protein or my failure to understand the BOE sellers permit, and then the operator saying our switchboard is very busy do you have any other questions, well yes, sigh... what is it...and no i don't want to go out to van nuys! and then my inability to find a link to get a LA City Business License for an upcoming fair which I might miss bcs of being inept and failing to see requirement #14. which led to all of this in the first place. it's hard to say.
people observed: so there were 3 guys who ran into the water. gutsy i thought. then after a minute they ran back out. i assume they were turning numb as well. then instead of laying down on the sand or sitting on a towel they commensed standing. it was really quite unnerving and done out of the corner of my eye. so i kept staring at them. they had nice shorts on- sort of vintage, well fitting and not man-skirts that go to the knee. and i was like why aren't they sitting down. why. why. why. stop standing there. don't you know you're causing a scene. you look conspicuous! then one sat down and the other two kept standing. it was infuriating! sit. sit. sit. why aren't they sitting. then after a while the second one finally sat down but the third remained standing. i had to commense ignoring them as every attempt to rationalize their behavior met with disbelief. then later, i looked and they were gone, wither they went, i know not.
as this observation seems to be my lowpoint of blogging i can only hope i'll more effectively blog about butterflies tomorrow. but i hold no hope. not unlike theories that hold no water. freezing. numbing. water. it could be due to a lack of protein or my failure to understand the BOE sellers permit, and then the operator saying our switchboard is very busy do you have any other questions, well yes, sigh... what is it...and no i don't want to go out to van nuys! and then my inability to find a link to get a LA City Business License for an upcoming fair which I might miss bcs of being inept and failing to see requirement #14. which led to all of this in the first place. it's hard to say.
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