roadblock

tapping fingers, waiting anxiously, i should be home watching TV and biting my nails like a sane, normal person. instead am at work, enmeshed in what has become The Roadblock, the Waiting Game. need a better job, would like to get on with things already, would like to earn more and apply for grants and write and write and write, would like to dream, maybe move out west, maybe stay here, maybe read some books again. too antsy for all of this, too antsy for even the research of it, as the wedding looms. four days. and it will be here. beginning to get nervous at the prospect of All Those People! eeeek. however, know it will be a lovely day.

and i will not cry.

i will not!

what makes me happy is the thought of these peeps in town for this celebration. and thinking hey, a week from now, guess where i'll be. checking into disneyworld for an entire week. for an entire week, we will be Without a Time Frame, and that makes me want to skip up the sidewalk.

and also, must remember to enjoy this time while it is hear.

however, on the fifth hand (there are always at least five hands, remember), fire has effectively been lit under me with these measly, measly paychecks. i am not enjoying loan deferment; believe it or not Big People Out There, i would actually like to afford paying off my loans.

but in due time, due time. good things will come.
where is that mantra?
this is my new mantra, for the next four days: calm. calm. and enjoy.