your guide to SEPTEMBER fare, by pen

Oh boy. It’s SEPTEMBER tomorrow! I was excited, until I received the latest EW with a pull-out calendar of September premieres. Then I was SUPER-DUPER excited!! So many things to watch again. This week alone we have premieres of ridiculous but absolutely must-watchable teen fare:

1. Gossip Girl (Monday)

2. One Tree Hill (Monday)

3. 90210 (Tuesday)

4. ANTM (Wednesday)

Also this week, on Wednesday after ProRun, is Top Design. Will anyone else be watching? Is it worth it? Please advise.

On Sunday, September 7, True Blood premieres on HBO, and I’m kind of sad that I don’t have HBO at the moment, but there’s always Netflix, later. (P.S. On the HBO front, does Flight of the Conchords still exist? Please say yes.)

Privileged, more tasty teen fare, premieres on Tuesday, September 9, on the CW. Hope it doesn't stink. 

Tuesday, September 16 brings us House, which I still haven’t gotten into yet, but give me a few years and when I’ve got a little more time on my hands, Netflix it will be. Also that night: Biggest Loser Families. Since I've been exercising and all, and have been doing a few workouts with that scary Jillian lady and hyper Bob, I might not be able to stop myself from tuning in. 

SURVIVOR: GABON starts on Thursday, September 18, and I’m psyched/nervous. The last Survivor in Africa was sort of a bust, but this location looks quite a bit more…fraught with possibilities, let’s say. The 18th also brings us Supernatural and Smallville, which again, I’m not into, but they both fall into “maybe someday on Netflix.”

Sunday, September 21 is the Emmys. Do you watch? I don’t, but I do keep up sort of/peripherally.

Ditto the latter for Monday September 22’s Dancing With the Stars. But I’m WAY pumped about that night’s premieres of Heroes and How I Met Your Mother.

Wednesday, September 24, on a new night, and showing for the first time in forever: The New Adventures of Old Christine. It’s good.

The most exciting night of the whole month for me will be Thursday, September 25: The Office, My Name is Earl, and Grey’s Anatomy all premiere. Ugly Bettty also premieres, for those of you still keeping up (Netflix, someday, for me—I blame the DVR’s limited capabilities). And Daniel Radcliffe will be on Broadway, dropping trou in Equus, which I sadly will not be attending, at least not in reality.

*And also, thank you Andria for reminding me! ER also premieres that night. I don’t watch it, but fully understand its importance to regular viewers.*

The following Sunday, September 28, includes Desperate Housewives, which alas, I stopped watching sometime after the writers’ strike ended, but I’ll be tuning in, just to see what it’s like, since the plot picks up 5 years later. I’m intrigued with this new trend in television; it definitely breathed some life and (limited) plausibility into One Tree Hill. The Amazing Race comes on that night (YAY!). Also, for those who watch, Brothers & Sisters premieres, as well as The Simpsons.

And for your Netflix queue, Forgetting Sarah Marshall comes out on DVD September 30.

That is all. Go forth, and enjoy.

Today I... by M

I feel like a strong silver tack pushed into the wall and holding a world map. Everyonceinawhile when I become restless I try to will myself out of position. So far nothing is happening.

gasp! by pen

If this is true, about a new Muppet show in the works by Jason Segal, aka Marshall from How I Met Your Mother, I might just weep. Tears of joy! Obviously.

Today I... by M

I feel like a shiny penny that is currently resting on it's thin side against a blue sky. The ledge however is dappled with dew and possibly dust. I don't want to get dirty. Though I see this little speck on Mr.Lincoln's face that really do want to get at.

Animal Facts Thursday, just to mix you up

(By pen.)

THE HUMAN ANIMAL, in regards to Human Happiness. This information is ripped directly from Get Rich Slowly, a site I stumbled on by chance the other day. I’m not sure I agree with it all, but here are a few excerpts of interest from the post:

The psychology of happiness
Several years ago, James Montier, a “global equity strategist”, publish[ed] a brief overview of existing research into the psychology of happiness [PDF]. Montier learned that happiness comprises three components:

• About 50% of individual happiness comes from a genetic set point. That is, we’re each predisposed to a certain level of happiness. Some of us are just naturally more inclined to be cheery than others.
• About 10% of our happiness is due to our circumstances. Our age, race, gender, personal history, and, yes, wealth, only make up about one-tenth of our happiness.
• The remaining 40% of an individual’s happiness seems to be derived from intentional activity, from “discrete actions or practices that people can choose to do”.

If we have no control over our genetic “happy point”, and if we have little control over our circumstances, then it makes sense to focus on those things that we can do to make ourselves happy. According to Montier’s paper, these activities include sex, exercise, sleep, and close relationships.

What does not bring happiness? Money, and the pursuit of happiness for its own sake. “A vast array of individuals seriously over-rate the importance of money in making themselves, and others, happy,” Montier writes. “Study after study from psychology shows that money doesn’t equal happiness.”

13 steps to a better life
If money won’t bring you happiness, what will? How can you stop making yourself miserable and start learning to love life? According to my research, these are the thirteen actions most likely to encourage happiness:

1. Don’t compare yourself to others. Financially, physically, and socially, comparing yourself to others is a trap. You will always have friends who have more money than you do, who can run faster than you can, who are more successful in their careers. Focus on your own life, on your own goals.
2. Foster close relationships. People with five or more close friends are more apt to describe themselves as happy than those with fewer.
3. Have sex. Sex, especially with someone you love, is consistently ranked as a top source of happiness. A long-term loving partnership goes hand-in-hand with this.
4. Get regular exercise. There’s a strong tie between physical health and happiness. Anyone who has experienced a prolonged injury or illness knows just how emotionally devastating it can be. Eat right, exercise, and take care of our body.
5. Obtain adequate sleep. Good sleep is an essential component of good health. When you’re not well-rested, your body and your mind do not operate at peak capacity. Your mood suffers.
6. Set and pursue goals. I believe that the road to wealth is paved with goals. More than that, the road to happiness is paved with goals. Continued self-improvement makes life more fulfilling.
7. Find meaningful work. There are some who argue a job is just a job. I believe that fulfilling work is more than that — it’s a vocation. It can take decades to find the work you were meant to do. But when you find it, it can bring added meaning to your life.
8. Join a group. Those who are members of a group, like a church congregation, experience greater happiness. But the group doesn’t have to be religious. Join a book group. Meet others for a Saturday morning bike ride. Sit in at the knitting circle down at the yarn shop.
9. Don’t dwell on the past. I know a guy who beats himself up over mistakes he’s made before. Rather than concentrate on the present (or, better yet, on the future), he lets the past eat away at his happiness. Focus on the now.
10. Embrace routine. Research shows that although we believe we want variety and choice, we’re actually happier with limited options. It’s not that we want no choice at all, just that we don’t want to be overwhelmed. Routines help limit choices. They’re comfortable and familiar and, used judiciously, they can make us happy.
11. Practice moderation. Too much of a good thing is a bad thing. It’s okay to indulge yourself on occasion — just don’t let it get out of control. Addictions and compulsions can ruin lives.
12. Be grateful. It’s no accident that so many self-help books encourage readers to practice gratitude. When we regularly take time to be thankful for the things we have, we appreciate them more. We’re less likely to take them for granted, and less likely to become jealous of others.
13. Help others. Over and over again, studies have shown that altruism is one of the best ways to boost your happiness. Sure, volunteering at the local homeless shelter helps, but so too does just being nice in daily life.

POM ROCKS

Having complained recently of the theft of my Pom Tea Glass, the reps at Pom contacted me and were desirous of putting a salve to my wounded person. And it totally worked! They sent me 6 bottles of "Pomegranate Peach Passion", which I can only hope is as tasty as their original flavor +2 coupons for whatever Pom I want. Though my Pom glass went by the way, I now have actual people to think kindly about instead of a glass. Which in life terms, is probably more sustaining. I'd complain that today I walked in and found my smart water bottle gone but honestly I had a backup arrowhead bottle in the desk. Anyway, how cool and random. Did I mention Tasty?

Sincerely, yours forever.
M~

History of Pomegrantes for fruit fact thursday. I know it's Wednesday but you guys can adjust:

• Pomegrantes are one of the first cultivated fruits.
• Man first began planting pomegrante trees sometime btw 4/3000bc.
• Some cultures believe it has mystical healing powers, and has appeared thru literature as both appealing and medicinal.
• Many scholars suggest that it was actually a pomegranate, not an apple depicted as the fruit of the tree of knowledge... I've totally heard this before and if you've eaten a pomegranate it makes absolute sense! Frustrating, but tempting. Ultimately not as satisfying as you'd want. Intricate, maddening, matrix of the most alluring fruits... with a whole lot of seed. I can definitely see the knowledge of good and evil in it. Without a doubt.
• Did I mention anti-oxidants?
  

mysteries, by pen

There are things in this life I do not understand. Here is what plagues me lately:

1. Why it is necessary for humans to exercise. I mean, besides the fact that modern humans in industrialized countries spend much of their day sitting on their asses. Besides that. Exercise is boring. And I hurt.

2. Why I picked writing as my “major.” Major malfunction, more like. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love writing and all, and I don’t necessarily regret the period of idiocy in my life that caused me to choose “writing.” I think I’m just ready to use a different part of my brain. If it still exists.

3. Mean people. I do not understand them. Like people who read your blog all the time and can’t be bothered with you in real life? I mean clearly they don’t really care about you. They think you’re boring or horrible and don’t want to hang out. But yet, they continue to read your blog! Baffling. And I know several people who do this, with a few different blogs.

4. Why exactly I’m choosing to let K.Lo play with her cupcake and get it all over her cardboard nesting boxes, when it’s going to be a super-duper mess to clean up later. Actually, I do know why, on that one. Because she’s happy.

Today I... by M

I feel like a red linen square, clipped to a laundry line. The light is shining thru me as the breeze catches me and I twist, not quite dry and heavy with water.

FTA by M

More Art from the recent archives:

Today I... by M

I feel like a lustrous glass ball the size of a softball. Shining luminescent in whites and rainbows. Heavy like a paperweight, spinning over running water.

FTA, by M

Did this a wee bit back... its more a collage than a shadow box but ah well. What to do.

and the winner is…

BEAKER won the most votes for favorite Muppet!

Here is what we know about Beaker:

• Assistant to Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
• Says, “Meep meep meep.”
• Can also “Meep meep” entire songs.
• Looked like he was flipping off Scrooge in The Muppet Christmas Carol, at one point. But if you review the footage frame by frame, you see Beaker only has four fingers, thus rendering the bird-flip impossible.
• His eyes light up when electrocuted.

Pen & M thank you for your participation in this poll.

oh hell. by pen.

It’s becoming unfortunately clear that my informal resolution to avoid all forms of exercise until at least the end of 2008 needs to be revised. I enjoy eating, and I sit around all day. It’s not a good combination. The scale is rising. And while I’d like to kick it to pieces, it occurs to me that I may not have the leg muscles to do it properly, not anymore.

I brought the issue up with J.Lo, and he pointed out that this new plan can bring nothing good:

• I’ll feel better in terms of activity and productivity.
• K.Lo will by default involve herself, and so it will be a fun new thing to do together.
• I might even lose weight and stuff.
• And gain back some muscle tone.
• And so then more of my clothes will fit.
• And then I won’t be all sensitive about the scale.
• Or worry so much about what I eat.
• Overall stress levels will fall, while satisfaction levels will rise.

Frankly, it all sounds overly logical to me, but whatever. I ordered a few videos. I’ll exercise. I’ll set a good example for the children. FINE.

Mock Postcard

to prepare some special recipients of cards they may or may not receive while I'm gone, i've decided to publish this little seen writing exercise, generated for my secret writing group: (pen has yet to do hers, and we are all breathless in anticipation.)

dear gang,
(insert sterotypical comment on surroundings.) I'm in the awesome little cafe. (Insert emotional outburst about traveling.) Everyone else seems to belong here except me. Mostly bcs they all have an air of purpose. These people on this fucking tour are driving me nuts. It's like I'm in this cartoon and I keep imagine horrifying stories of peril involving every one of them... except they all wash out to sea and leave me here to have a good time. Oh, man, I'm awful. If this is the only record of me and my time here I'll just die. Thank god this is 5x6. Ok, there's this guy and he's smoking a cigarette, wearing flared jeans and pointy shoes. And a girl with a gold bag, I wish I ever felt self-possessed enough to wear or is rather non-possessed? I don't know. Though maybe I'm the girl who goes around hugging trees and putting my hand to anciet 1000 yr old stone. i know I'm that girl. But am I the girl who's observed doing such things which will endear me to the one and only nonattached hot guy on the tour. I don't know. At least I don't feel lonely. I feel like though I could just evaporate onto the stones and these old church walls and the old women with these superbly lined faces... and the goat tied by the tree. Shit out of room- one more thing. Better to adventure than only dream.

animal fact wednesday, by m

as our show winds down... i may in fact be hard pressed to find interesting things to talk about as i will be watching really horrible movies like the scorpian king and playing scrabble. but then maybe i can talk about things i see in movies like red ants and scorpians, or of course talk about what friends do... like pose with cheetahs. and then better yet, the baboon attack that they failed to catch on tape! i warned them didn't i? i said, bring your camera, record it, we'll pay you. it'll be great. you'll get to be on our show... but no, the baboon attacked matt before he could hit record and he punched it in the face and derek threw a rock but they didn't catch that on tape either as the baboon progressed undaunted, and sarah twisted her ankle in the commotion also not caught on tape and all that's left is a benign still of a baboon with the spoils of war.



so baboons, vicious nasty creatures that they are, and most likely worse than swans, are the facts: some of them from some website:

• A sheltered sleeping site, often on a cliff face, may be shared by as many as 800 individuals from several troops.
• In baboon society, staring and showing of teeth are considered a threat.
• The Hamadryas Baboon was the sacred baboon of the ancient Egyptians, often pictured on temples and monoliths as the attendant or representative of Thoth, the god of letters and scribe of the gods.
• Baboons were mummified, entombed and associated with sun-worship. This is the only non-human primate found in Arabia. Also known as the sacred or "mantled" or Arabian baboon.
• These animals are very social and are stressed by isolation.
• A direct stare is a threat. To threaten in return, they will raise their eyebrows, showing their white eyelid and partially open their mouth, displaying formidable canines. Intensifying the threat, they may yawn, raise their hair, slap hands and feet on the ground, grind their teeth and scream. Fear is shown by a "grin" with no eyelid threat. They have a number of calls; alarm is given by a dog like bark.
• Baboons are a lot like humans when it comes to male baldness. Some go bald, some do not.
• Males are dominant over females. The winner gains dominance and access to food, water and a mate.
• Males will often join forces to defeat a third more dominant male. Infant baboons inherit their mothers status. This means infants of a superior female can take food from a low ranking adult.
• Baboons walk on the palms of their hands whilst chimpanzees walk on their knuckles.
• If baboons and chimpanzees meet in the wild they will play together.
• The baboons dog-like body, muzzle and tail gives them the name 'monkey dog.' Baboons can walk up to 5 km a day.
• Presenting their rear is a sign of submission.

Copy from NatGeo:
There are five different species of baboons. All of them live in Africa or Arabia. Baboons are some of the world's largest monkeys, and males of different species average from 33 to 82 pounds (15 to 37 kilograms). Baboon bodies are 20 to 40 inches (60 to 102 centimeters) long, not including substantial tails of varying lengths.Baboons generally prefer savanna and other semi-arid habitats, though a few live in tropical forests.Like other Old World monkeys, baboons do not have prehensile (gripping) tails. But they can and do climb trees to sleep, eat, or look out for trouble. They spend much of their time on the ground.Baboons are opportunistic eaters and, fond of crops, become destructive pests to many African farmers. They eat fruits, grasses, seeds, bark, and roots, but also have a taste for meat. They eat birds, rodents, and even the young of larger mammals, such as antelopes and sheep.Four baboon species (i.e., chacma, olive, yellow, and Guinea) are known as the savanna baboons. These animals form large troops, composed of dozens or even hundreds of baboons, governed by a complex hierarchy that fascinates scientists. Males use shows of physical power to dominate rivals, and troop members spend endless hours carefully grooming one another to remove insects and dead skin.A fifth species, the hamadryas baboon, lives in the hills along the Red Sea coasts of Africa and Arabia. These cliff-dwelling baboons disperse to forage during the day and reconvene in much smaller groups at night.

excerpt of famous pen & m email exchanges

(and this fucking new desk person who sits accross from me eats like the most fucking loud food- today its gum smacking, carrot crunching- yesterday it was gum smacking, chip crunching, talking very loudly in spanish for the job-) makes me want to shoot myself.. . though i am hypocritical in my sometimes carrot eating sunflower shucking self... but still! ; )

later that day:

text to pen from m: "ps. jack j TOO mellow- totally dig folksy x rudd."

From: penelope
To: mendacious
Subject: omg what do mean
Date: Tue, 19 Aug 2008 21:03:27 -0400

TOO MELLOW?!
i mean, he is totally mellow, yes. but isn't that a good thing? like can't you picture yourself driving to the beach, immersed in the breezy music of jack j?
glad you like xavier though. he plays all those instruments himself!
:)


RE: omg what do mean‏
From: mendacious
To: penelope
Sent: Tue 8/19/08 7:16 PM


i know right. i sense our relationship is like totally in jeopardy. i will give him another listen i promise and show him the reverence is due him. but he might be too breezy and like ephemeral so that nothing grounds him to the earth... xavior at least rocks the digeri and the banjo. and i'm totally for those things. i like the quirk. ...will report more from the front lines as i listen.

shocking report, by pen

Apparently Jenna Fischer has gone missing. Kidnapped by Rainn Wilson! It’s true. We can only hope that Pam will return to prevent yet another truncated season of The Office. In the meantime, we do have this seriously entertaining site to view.

 

The Right Kind of Day or 3:3:3

Went with Mom down to my favorite beaching place an hour south of here, which is north.


We arrived at the sandy golden fair playground with its epic and inviting waters- almost warm, but clear and calm. We saw dolphins and pelicans dive bombing the water and people swimming and sailing and a fresh breeze and it was all just to die for idyllic. I only imagined a few times getting eaten by a shark, but still felt mostly like a fat seal the entire time, which then after i ate and then went back to swim, i felt like a seasick seal, and that is just beyond completely lame. However, we peresevered and mom even joined me in the water and it was just very nice to have company for once since I don't think since high school have I known people that like to play in the water like I do. And I don't even consider myself dedicated.

So the day rushes by in a mostly brilliant haze except for the reddish tint on my face and the sand in my lady parts and we made it to the outlet mall where I found 2 skirts for $20total and a teal shirt. Color of the ocean- Fan-tastic. Having had my fill of corndogs and nakedjuice mango I slumped into my car seat and made my way home.

And then I saw it:
3 months. 3 wks. 3 days.

Until THE TRIP.
Totally, totally excited...

Which in its own idyllic right deserves its updates:

Things still to do: final Hep A/B shot
Things to find: Money... can my work raise come thru and help make things even better?!
Things to buy: shoes, bras, daypack, shorts, couple shirts, memory cards, camera?, (list to be published later when more completish)
Things recently searched for: jacket, day pack. Results: failed.
Things needed to be read: travel books.

the greatest poem ever.

This poem was compiled by Kera Bolonik, from EW Magazine, using Michael Kors’ recent assessments on Project Runway. I find it deep, amusing, and deeply amusing.

 

It Looks Like…

Petals here, petals there

Like toilet paper caught in a windstorm

A Handi Wipe gone wrong

It’s got a pocket, it’s got a piece, it’s got a panel

It’s five dresses in one

A very ‘80s Joan Collins powerbitch dress.

But even curvy girls don’t want fins.

Have They Seen My Show?

Apparently my friends don't watch my show or read animal facts Wednesday. It's odd because these 2 are like what I would consider "cautious" people- they over use hand sanitizer for instance, they don't burn cd's for fear of how its "stealing" ... and yet for some reason they think putting themselves in mortal danger is totally cool? (Shrug.) Alright. As long as you get it on video. At least no one was allowed in the cage with the lion...?
This is my friend Kerry tonguing a Giraffe. I am not particularly cool with this, because also she has not seen my show either and its fairly gross. But it is a pretty fucking cool picture.
I don't really know this guy except that like he's with my friends in Kenya. But whatever. He also has not seen my show. But somehow this is the least dangerous looking one of all.

tee hee. it’s true.

72 As a 1930s wife, I am Superior Take the test!

Fruit Fact Thursday: the KIWI

• When googling Kiwi, it’s best to go with “kiwi fruit,” or “kiwifruit,” or else you’ll get the bird. And this is FRUIT facts, not Animal Facts. That’s the facts.
• Kiwi is considered a berry, and in fact was once known as the Chinese Goose Berry.
• Kiwifruit is furry—er, “fibrous”—on the outside and bright green on the inside, with tiny black seeds.
• Kiwi is the national fruit of China.
• It’s grown in China, New Zealand, Chili, France, Greece, Japan, and certain areas of the United States.
• The “gold kiwifruit” is sweeter, less tart, pointy on one end, and less furry. You can eat it whole after simply rubbing off the skin.
• Kiwis are so GOOD for you! They contain vitamins C, A, and E, potassium, omega-3’s. They are also high in fiber.
• Kiwi also contains a protein-dissolving enzyme called actinidin, which can be an allergen. So, people allergic to latex, papayas, and pineapples will probably be allergic to the kiwi, too.
• Kiwi is a natural blood-thinner.
• You can actually eat the skin, which makes it taste even more tart… but ew. Texture issues. I shudder a bit just thinking of it.
• Otherwise, just peel or cut that skin off, slice it up, and voila. Kiwis are extremely yummy and I recommend them highly. They are also, of course, uber-cheap at the ol’ Costco. I know you’re shocked.
• And if you’re lucky, maybe you have an antique spoon with which to fully enjoy the kiwi. I’m sad to say I do not.

What We Did At Work Today

the head of our company had her birthday party today. it was an elaborate plan that involved our department, a surprise video, a live mariachi band, fresh guacamole, cake, and margaritas. woohoo! fuckin rocked.

Animal Facts Wednesday

Instead of complaining about how many people are killed by moose each year or my own near encounters when I was a camp counselor in Alaska I decided to have another guest write in for the weird animal facts of today all about: CHICKENS.

brought to you by, Somebody's Mom and some chick from that sunset mag who looked up the facts named Elizabeth and of course the magical internet.

1. Even without a male, hens lay eggs because hello that's what they do. Plus roosters are hella noisy. Our neighbors have roosters and I totally agree.
2. A chicken closes its eyelids from the bottom.
3. If you rub a chicks chest it'll totally mellow out.
   
4. Fav food by chicks: wild fennel and hot green chilies: who knew they couldn't taste the spicy.
   
5. Stupid hens will confuse you with a rooster.
6. Adult hens usually lay an egg a day.
   

Also I'm totally for free range chicken and organic and i can't get rid of that image of how they kill chickens for fastfood places. It fairly freaks me out. Thank god I only read the kids version of FastFoodNation. Shite.

All hail chickens!

More facts if you can't get enough:

• A hen lives an average of 5-7 years, but can live up to 20 years. She'll lay eggs her entire life, with production decreasing every year from year one."
• Alektorophobia is the name given to "The Fear of Chickens".
• Americans consume 8 billion chickens a year.
• There are over 150 varieties of domestic chickens.
• Chickens were domesticated about 8000 years ago.
• A rooster takes 18-20 breaths a minute, a hen 30-35.
• All domestic chickens can be genetically traced to Gallus Gallus, The Red Jungle Fowl.
• A hen lives an average of 5-7 years, but can live up to 20 years. She'll lay eggs her entire life, with production decreasing every year from year one.
• I think they can run like 9 miles an hour?
• My favorite chicken is crispy chicken with ranch.
  
• I have never in fact killed a chicken but I have vague memories of plucking one at a ranch. But it could've been in a book I read.
  

World in Focus Report: KURT NATION

The Kurt Nation has made recent changes in its commentary style that leave kurt readers wondering: What happened to the real Kurt?

Our sources report that there has been an increase in kurt-changes as far back as last year. Viewers of Kurt Nation began to talk about the Kurt and Kurt's impact as he was ushered into the lives of 2 bloggers, Penelope and Mendacious back in 2005. Penelope stated, "We didn't know who or what the Kurt was but it enriched our lives, gave us faith, and encouraged us to expand our blog circle. It kept us going through the really tough times." Following, Mendacious interjected, "I sort of had a thing for Kurt at first and it didn't matter the age difference, but then I read on some other blog that Kurt might have kids. That's really when the cracks started to surface. But my loyalty to Kurt has always been strong, except you know our relationship has changed. It's like I know that's not his real name, and I never cared and we developed this amazing rapport, but then it was like he was a different person. Not in love with me, no longer patently droll and sarcastic. He's just not the same Kurt."

Starting with the disappearance of the "Blog Excellence Awards," readers reported there was "really no reason for it." And then the virtual relegation of Todd to the background readers began to grow wary. Blog comments regarding Todd went virtually unanswered and then the Todd had an 'accident'. Further noting the photoshopped antics of the Kurt were now being replaced with baking tips and "flowers". The KurtBlog of OPE has always been a bastion of oddity and dry wit, hallmarks of Kurt's indelible style and humor- his life, his times. Our investigators sighted evidence that the Kurt has never denied the persona of being the Kurt, as far back as 2006, it was noted that Kurt was something bigger and more important than just an individual, a cartoonist, a political satirist.

His influence cannot be denied in all spheres of the blog world. Having noted his diligence and care of all the blogs under his "Explore Blogdom Banner." "You can tell the Kurt really cares," reported bystander and fellow blogger Horace, "but everyone has a voice, specific to them, even the Kurt, and people notice the changes, no matter how much you pretend." Penelope also noted more positively that, "the Kurt never misses a blog. People used to ask me where the Kurt came from, and we always thought he was a friend of Mendacious. Because he always commented on her posts, and never mine. But not so. I guess the Kurt belongs to everyone."

However, recent activity points to a broad change in style. For instance one post comment saying "Cute Bear!" "You see that's what I'm talking about, Kurt would never say that!" says Mendacious, "he's not the same person!" More disturbingly than vague unsubstantiated rumor was the Kurt's location shift from the mid-west to most recently New York and the Kurts seizing of all blog comments until approval, due to attempts at outing Kurt, and all Kurt related product, such as his actual last name. And on his last visited entry of 8/12/08, OPE ominously subjects readers to the idea that the Kurt and the OPE offices have only been around for 1 year even though it states its from the "archives". Leading this reporter down a rabbit hole of circumstantial evidence, that may substantiate Mendacious and Penelope's questions about the Kurt, since of course the blog itself has existed since January 2005.

But this is clear, despite all the hurt, pain, mistrust, deception and vague mysteriousness, the Kurt nation has impacted us all. Even if it's not the same Kurt, even if it's just some girl, pretending to be the Kurt, the Kurt's influence has reached and will continue to reach far after he's gone. Ashley of Kudzu says, "Kurt is just so mysterious. Who is the Kurt? Where did he come from? Who is he really? I want to know!"

We may never know Ashley, but it will never stop us from trying. the Kurt nation will outlive us all, all of our attention, focus, and resources. We have to go on living, more suspicious perhaps, more nostalgic for the old days, but still, the Kurt is good, and what he has brought, has been for the better.

your guide to AUGUST summer fare, by pen

1. Continue watching PROJECT RUNWAY, soaking up every last bit of the final season in NYC. HOW Tim Gunn is going to make his wardrobe work in LA, I know not.

2. Remain on the fence about The Secret Life of the American Teenager, in which Brenda Hampton completely recycles the music, flat acting, and after-school special vibe of Seventh Heaven. I thought this show was supposed to be, like, edgy or something?

3. The Hills! For all my fellow passengers on the LC Train, you will enjoy this article. Immensely.

4. Continue limping along with reruns of Gossip Girl, which yes, I LOVE, but I’m still bummed that there are gaping giant holes in the plot for us summer watchers. It's not very motivating. I may wait until the thing comes out on DVD to catch up fully… but the new season starts EARLY in September! Not much time left.

5. Continue to bog down DVR with reruns of House Hunters. In the meantime, research ways to expand DVR's recording capabilities. Is it possible with an external hard drive? Anyone, anyone?

6. Speaking of "Anyone, anyone?" WATCH THIS SEASON OF PSYCH. Particularly this episode. It's the best ever. I cannot say it enough. And Monk, too, continues to be great. Thank goodness for Hector Elizondo.

7. The Olympics. For a delightful rundown of events so far, see Megan's daily news segment.

And really, what else is there. Please advise in the Comments.

M's Guide for the last gasps of Summer TV

Ok so uh, Pen's list was not encouraging to me. What if you're boycotting the olympics? Or using that as an excuse for your patent disinterest? Or that you gave up the hills long ago when LC totally chose that tool over Paris. Like whatever. Or how when you're home working on paintings and you get sucked into lifetime dramas like 7 Things to Do Before Your 30 and she completes every single one of them in 2wks or Teenage Confessions of a Hollywood Starlet that seriously almost looks like Lindsey and ends up learning how to live like a normal person in Ft Wayne Indiana of all places... I mean, like, what am I suppose to do? Watch Nancy Drew staring that girl from Psych? Maybe. Even though her face totally freaks me out for some reason.

But when you climb out from the abyss and shake your head like, what the fuck was I on, and how did I get here in these weird clothes, with that fucking bunny tattoo staring at me from my left breast, then yes, I say, continue to watch Project Runway even though I suspect its totally rigged- if Tim Gunn can make a jump to linen, he may pull it off... and Psych absolutely! Though Monk I feel is more of a spaz then he used to be? I just haven't been fond of the plots of late. But Psych. Dammit. Totally endearing. And besides that, catching episodes of my life on the D list with Kathy Griffin. Just waiting for those precious Netflix to come my way... and watching old MurderSheWrote Ep's and maybe Seinfeld.

Current Netflix Order:

• SIX FEET UNDER SEASON 4 (death. excellent character development. soulless)
  
• SLINGS & ARROWS SEASON 2, 3 (ah shakespeare troupes!)
  
• PENNIES FROM HEAVEN (early steve martin?)
  
• RIFIFI (it's like a french classic or whatever)

bohemian weekend.

fun was to be had on this warm summer morning. we grabbed our bow and arrows and traipsed into the forest canyon yonder to seek game, and frolic with the magical woodland creatures, drinking ale and nibbling on pinenuts. a good time was had by all. and i went to look for evidence of the last time we did such things but sadly did not blog about it! such a day could only be the winning companion of going to a cafe and hearing opera all night over 4 or so glasses of wine... i felt all artistic and individualistic. and i would say more and do these things justice if i wasn't slumped in my chair tired, and protein deprived. i have been poorly reduced, and such a splendid weekend left.

Work Movie to Watch: clockwatchers

just a nonmendacious like PSA on this wee gem of a flick called CLOCKWATCHERS from '97? Yes I am too lazy to imdb it.










Why i love this film:

1. toni collete is in it and so is parker posey. need i say more?
   
2. it captures the life of the temp in a way that i could at the time completely relate to and identify with. and if any you ever have that 'which direction' is my life moving in and i'm all depressed and 'agh' about it then you'll totally get this film... the pecking order, office politics and the certain soul sucking moments that it sometimes opens you to. an evil demeaning manager, weirdo office mates, rubberband balls... i find a way to reference this movie in every office i'm ever in... it's that applicable to my life.
   
3. it's especially come into play because of the recent surfacing of a kleptomaniac in the office. the usual suspects and the actual reality.
   
4. it's not a happy go lucky movie but it has a sharp sense of humor and wit and some dare i say it, pointed commentary on the modern work environment.
   
5. cap this movie off with the equally brilliant and more blatantly outrageous: office space...

Any other good "this is my life, where i work" movies out there? Suggests?

Hallo, It's Thursday.

It's like what do you post about after you complain about your friends and their nutty heroin habits. I know not. I guess the answer is work maybe. Thank god for animal wednesdays and movies like MammaMia... I haven't signed up for French 3 yet, but not much else is bugging me. Sure my dad made some crack about me never getting married, that or he would never pay for a platinum wedding. Whatever. It's not like he's not ever going to be anything other than an asshat to me. What else. Oh yes, there's a kleptomaniac in the office. And we all gathered in the office area to talk about it. Sure it might be "the cleaning people" or some out of work actor from the casting office downstairs but I mean, if any of you have seen clockwatchers, it's just more than likely that the iphone was stolen by one of our own... and my pom tea glass... and like 4-5 of peoples ATM accounts... like I don't know. Maybe it's all just a big coincidence. Anyway I have to get back to my CGI storyboards and eating sunflower seeds and watching episodes of Southpark online.

Animal Facts Wednesday

Yes here I am again for another installment.

This is a pretty epic photo of a lemon shark. In all my research I'm still pretty creeped out by sharks. And this photo is why. And even their profile they're all grimacy and grr looking with their teeth all razer sharp and protruding out of their mouth and what not...

But sharks, yes, attacks are uncommon blah blah. And yet still everytime I go in the water I'm all shit. I hope a shark doesn't grab me and take me down. It's life affirming I guess.

Anyway I've had to do re-research sharks and I thought I'd let you know a little about them,

: lemon sharks are thee best studied sharks in the world, and yet totally not as popularly heard about. bogus. some guy has some research station in florida and it's now being decimated bcs the fuckers are putting a golf course in and destroying mangroves, where the lemon shark protect their young... whatevs.

: lemon sharks also are good at detecting prey hidden in the sand, like fish, stingrays, crustaceans.... bcs they're all good at picking up eletro-magnetic impulses... eh whatever, sharks are cool. i gotta go watch funny or die now.

And this just makes me want to dance.

Generally speaking, I’m a bit skeptical of musicals, with a few die-hard favorites, such as Grease, Annie, and (maybe) White Christmas. As with any song or set of songs, I have to *bond* with it before knowing and loving it fully, and musicals make it hard for me. Because they’re a bit, um, hokey. I mean that in the best possible way; part of the reason I love Grease so much is because of its hokiness. John Travolta’s hair alone in that movie is both hokey and lovable. But when watching a musical for the first time, that cheese can get in the way of true meaning, causing me to turn away. 

In Mamma Mia!, there were a few songs and moments that didn’t do it for me. Granted, going into the movie, I knew just the bare-bones basics of the stories and only a handful of songs—the same ones that everyone on the planet knows—so maybe there was some background I just didn’t  “get.” But in spite of a few misses, there were so many hits, rendering me an instant MM! fan. One song made me want to lock myself into a room and cry. And other songs just made me so happy, wanting to get up and run and sing and dance. To celebrate.

MM! reminded me that musicals, where characters break out into song in the midst of their daily lives, show life to be just plain fun. Simple. Light. In spite of all the complexities and heartache, we don’t have to be so serious all the time. It feels good to remember that every once in awhile. If only we could invite a composer and choreographer to come on over one day and set this bitch to a song and dance routine.

 

Sorta Like When My Friend Tim Died and I didn't find out until 3 years later.

My friend "Ivy" is a heroin addict. Good times! (Eye Twitch). I think I could write 5 posts of long length and still not be quite done at purging myself of that statement.

There was recent debate this last Saturday if I've gotten better at letting go of friends and then I thought, no, I've just gotten better at accepting loss and disappointment. But honestly it's a call I never even imagined in a nightmare reality I would get. Hi, M this is W. We found her stash and we need to get her into rehab and we need a favor... Can you come watch her kid and make sure she doesn't try to go anywhere?

Sure, I found myself saying. What did you just say?! I think I just said, Sure, ok.

Part of me can't really find the words past: stunned. Partly not surprised now that I've read this Narcotics Anonymous letter about the self-obsessed person that this happened to her. Because the letter as pat as it is, is all things I've always preceived about her. Of course my friend Matt sees it clinically as he manages a half-way house: She is grappling with a very serious disease, that is going to need a lifetime of help fighting. (yes.) Her moms view: I never wanted this for you. You are a shell of my daughter and I want YOU back. (yes.) Mine: She's dead. A demon has set up shop in her soul and though she looks, sounds and vaguely resembles the girl I knew at 14, very little of her is left. Less fatalistically I find myself thinking, there's an 80% failure rate at rehab. Then I think maybe, she'll be part of the 20%, if she goes. And even then. It's going to be a long hard fight.

But the whole weekend I spent with her caring for her daughter, whose only mimic is a heroin addict I kept thinking: She's dead, and I'm talking to a ghost, a distant apparition that a demon inhabits. And she's not ever coming back. It's one thing to have a friend who is in an abusive relationship, because then you think maybe they'll snap out of it or that you'll be able to pull them from the situation... It always seems like she wanted to and then there was that switch where all she wanted was oblivion and since she moved to Tulsa I have a notion she's been trying to kill herself in various reckless ways for the past 7 years... And I can trace it back a long ways to when I knew her in the beginning.

It's not that I do not wish for her to return. I just know that she will never be able to. As none of us can from annilation. And it's not that I don't have compassion because I want her to be healed, but when and if she surfaces it will be to a battle worn fighter. And that's ok. She'll have my love and respect and I'll speak to her as someone who has known her for a very long time. But for now, those demons remain unexercised and what I encountered is the reality of someone who speaks and acts and is a drug-addict.

Whose body is hunched, worn-thin and wasted to wane skin, and sinewy arms. And her once beautiful face reduced to pock marks and the poison that runs through her is erupting all over her face in sores as she abstractly itches and picks at it. Who strains to eat, who cannot finish a glass of water, who spasms and stoops on the ground as she shudders through the strains of detox with a popsicle in her hand. Who says, M, tell me about your aunt and uncle's fairytale because she knows there's a lesson in it. About how they had a house and a pool and two lovely children, and then they lost the house and the pool and all the money and how their children grew up shorn with pain. And how it didn't matter bcs they stole everything in sight to feed the monster, collecting cans on the street- It's a monster Ivy that only you know how to talk to. Yes, she says, I see the elephant in the room. No, I say, the monster in the room that only you think you can control. And you can't and I see you desperately fighting for a semblance of control and some part of you came out here to try and get control and only you who thinks its as easy as a formula of dates and expectations. But can't get past being angry at your mother and resentful at your brother and afraid that they're going to take your daughter away. But I know how this story ends, can end, and it ends with violence and sorrow no matter how great the hope, if you think this thing doesn't hold you in a death grip.

She, who told me- calm, because of the meds, that at least she didn't have to hook for a fix, who took up dealing and litmus'ing product to be sure it was cut clean. Cut. Clean. Who with caged eyes asked what I knew, why I was there. Who could only greet me as one greets a friend turned jailor. Whose daughter at 3.3 isn't nearly potty trained and first words were curses bcs of her drug addict father. Who knows mommy needs medicine for her tummy and how my friend thinks her daughter, a care-giver, is ok. And that in getting clean surrounded by squares and stiffs she's going to give birth to an alien filled with all the backwatered emotion she's been holding in all these years. And I say, all the toxic evil shit. The bad, the dark, the unspoken. And she says, It's ok to have secrets and the mentality of an addict is one who is claustraphobic and can't ever find distance from all the things coming at them. And I say, it's not ok to have secrets, not ok to constantly duck the slings and arrows of your life. I think, I thought... you were stronger than that, more becoming of triumphant movies and not ones like reqium for a dream, basquiat, and trainspotting. More willing to weather the storm and find a toe-hold...

And yet, you my friend were swept away and living wholly in a world I disdain.

Preperation for the Events of Last weekend.

I record it because it's true:

i had a dream about puppies with rabies, puppies playing with snakes, puppies in grave danger. and the dream interpretation sites said you may know someone, a friend in danger, and the dream told me there was nothing i could do about it. (i told my friend, before i left her house, about the dream.)

the next night i watched the "Cleaner" about a man who tries and gets people clean, kicking the habit and off drugs... he tells me about the failure rate.

the next hour i watch a show called "Intervention" which I've never seen before. 2 stories- one about a meth addict and another about a heroin addict. of which both my friend knows very well.

the next day her mom calls and tells me matteroffactly, as if I'd already known, and kept hidden, and could handle the situation enough to watch someone coming off heroin. will you watch my daughter.

and on sunday afternoon after putting her daughter down for her nap, i give her a massage and pray over her. I pray as I soothe her skin and bones, I pray- god heal her. god give her strength. god help her to surrender and relinquish control. father, may her path be redirected, may she be made new. father, take this evil from her. this corrupting desperate force. this monster. i will all the pain to a point would be taken upon me and give her relief.

i whisper to her, i love you. be well. tell me how you are, even though i know she'll never call. that even though she feels that she can trust talking to me, she cannot with a steady eye face me. i smoothe her shirt. i run my hands over her hair and face. i think, goodbye my friend. goodbye. may i see you in the light of a new day. may you know the sun again and the quiet reassurance of a healing love.

menacing mantis

we found this wee lady in our kitchen, clearly having hitched a ride on some sunflowers or roses, we don't know why. during the photoshoot it decided to seek higher ground and my mom bore it bravely.It was subsequently released back into the wild.
(of our backyard)

mantis means: prophet or fortune teller

Proposed Titles I never quite blogged about

The Night of the Self-Obsessed
Monster vs. Elephant
My Friend the Heroin Addict
Grow up or Die

Eye Twitch Ponderance

It started my senior year in high school. This eye-twitch. This particular response to stress. And dandruff. Yes that too. Oh and excema. Little water blisters on the sides of my fingers. Itchy. So uncool. I was commenting to Penelope that in particular states I feel normal people might respond by crying, screaming, wearing black, breaking things, but I am miss-mendacious-undisturbed. My friend asked why I don't ever cry and I said, you might as well ask me to break into purple spots. It's just not in my nature to deal with sadness in that way. And of course I blame my mother. Naturally.

I internalize everything so much so that my body shows evidence of a shockwave even though I continue unperturbed. It's a useful albeit annoying coping mechanism. And in order to lessen the little epic fissures of stress I work out, get copious amounts of sleep, talk talk talk to friends and start creating art and watching silly movies like Mamma Mia... These are good things. Things that minimize the internal ruptures-- and the things that tell you that emotional, psychological impacts have physical ramifications.

And that even the things that aren't happening to you, as a being who has a spirit and a heart are effected by the things all around you and a better way to deal with loss and pain is not to despair but tend to your internal garden lest it break ; ).