Dear Penelope,

LENT
here is the first series of necklaces i made for the holy days. the stones are Picture Jasper- which awesomely is made when mud pours into gas pockets of molten lava! and petrifies. its also a favorite gem of antiquity- (hebrews, assyrians, greek...) the color of lent is typically dark purple but LL was convinced she likes to observe with the color brown. i felt this worked bcs the only stones in purple are amythest and with this you get the dirt and blood and darkness of the cross.

below is Joanna's necklace and it is lost between here and new york... i felt the circles were like luminescent tears.... appropriate for the grief of our missing necklace. the 3 stones symbolize both the trinity and the stations of the cross. this is her replacement necklace for the moment and she can chose which she prefers or can keep both. the only difference with this one is the strand of copper wires is broken and all the rest are made with a complete band. but i couldn't figure out how to keep it this way in this design which i made while watching s5 of the wire. and i love the simplicity of the design. below is my necklace and it took about 4 attempts to hit this design. i think ultimately i should've bought extra in the first place so that i didn't feel limited by the # of stones i had. i know you care! keep reading. so THEN this is danicas- an ordered grief. and tears. also my 1st expermint with the soldering gun.... yah. uh,huh. and i really love the symmetry and movement of this one.

and last but not least is Lauralee's. this was the first i made and felt immediate love for it. i have no idea but 7 seemed a holy number and then 3 on the right is for the trinity... i'm glad i had some motheaten velvet to photo these with and i used the fancy camera. but hers is the most organic and closest to me. here they are on!... ooo!

this one is no longer in existence. i'm a bit sad about that fact now that i see it because i like it. but it didn't seem to hit a stride and then the next form it took i thought was ok but then no, and then the next, no, not for me... so there you go. there it all is. look forward to easter next!

⁸"But you, son of man, hear what I say to you, Be not rebellious like that rebellious house; open your mouth and eat what I give you." ⁹And when I looked, behold, a hand was stretched out to me, and behold, a scroll of a book was in it. ¹⁰And he spread it before me. And it had writing on the front and on the back, and there were written on it words of lamentation and mourning and woe. ¹And he saidto me, "Son of man, eat whatever you find here. Eat this scroll, and go, speak to the house of Israel." ²So I opened my mouth, and he gave me this scroll to eat. ³And he said to me, "Son of man, feed your belly with this scroll that I give you and fill your stomach with it."Then I ate it, and it was in my mouth as sweet as honey.

--- this is from ezekial- i think it fits with lent. having gone thru suffering and grief with the sweet redemption of christ on the other end kind of feeling. plus its our lot and heritage and all. and i dig prophetic imagery.

m.

Dear Penelope,

Hello dear friend. I can't believe its already the end of tuesday. I wanted to tell you, as it just popped into my head, that i so need to finish/um, start- that last biola essay. Todd my grad counselor called to check in and actually asked if he could pray for me. I was like, sure, oh right now? Yes. And he reminded me also to apply for my fafsa and told me 1 letter of rec came in. It's all seeming disturbingly real right now. I'm getting that oh! I'm actually doing what?! When did i agree to this?

In other news Joanna's package has not come back. Her necklace is lost in NY. I am sure it will make its way back to me, but probably not for another week at least. So tragic. I may have to make her a substitute. And I confess, I'm going to extend my jfk layover into a 3day tour of the town. And deliver her easter necklace to ensure she actually gets it. It's a win/win obviously but funds have me slightly nervous as April looms pretty quickly after. And I have no money for that.

Also I'm fighting some bug. I blame thorne. That kid is infectious. I am sure most kids are. But i am never around them and she's an easy target. Last night I got about 11 hours of sleep. I mark that bcs of its unusualness, that and I kept waking up from sounds, my dying phone, the toilet lid slamming down, my cat pawing my face, me hacking and tickling throat. And if I didn't think I'd wake up before the sun, which you know I don't like, I'd be in bed right now. *sigh. maybe i'll have a popsicle.

more later. m.

Anyway following is the weekend in pictures:

kerrys baptism present: "you are not your own, you have been bought with a price"

mom and i grub on some garlic fries after callie's 3 hour tour d'force of martial arting and her sensai's pontificating. though thats not her fault. plus it leveraged me into being able to have lunch with my mom followed by a flower buying tour of home depot.

kerry and i at mortified. which i wish when you come it would be in town. bcs its so so good.

after all of that naturally i had to lay down in the sun yesterday and relax.

Penelope,

Enclosed please find two adventures to the 'westside' I went on. One was to the Hammer Museum. Sarah took the picture below. And i like it! The 2nd is to this random place that allegedly serves the best ramen anywhere and Danica is slightly obsessed with it. It had really good pork in it and everything else i couldn't identify. The noodles were egg noodles? Which probably didn't contain wheat... i think? The best part of this adventure was that the tea bottle had a haiku printed on it: lily pads afloat, dull painted amphibians, practice evening music...
and the noodles were pretty tasty too. I give these adventures twothumbs up. Let me know if you have any questions.
Sincerely, M.

Dear Penelope,

this is from the first thorne watch of 2010. she does normally have that slightly skeptical look on her face, its not just me. but has been known to break into a smile and a song- with plenty of mischief and babble but her cards are close to her chest and you have to breakdown that barrier if you want her to giggle. i have to say i am fairly natural with the wee ones though when pressed i am not sure how patient. I do usual grimace with a raised eyebrow and say really? But then conversely I tend to be pretty empathetic when they're processing things. Even when I was 4 or 5 i remember putting my arm around a younger kid who was crying at the day care I was at. I tend to excel in crisis, but you know how much i love people who communicate and kids sometimes, i mean really, what are they thinking. But how can you say no to this face? Either face really. I mean, I'm equally charming and sympathetic as a character right? I'm sure she and i will have many more grand adventures together... along with napping and tea drinking. I will abstractly ponder me with kids in a later letter.

m,

So as you know, I’m planning on the total cliché of giving up sweets for Lent. Junk, really. Which means that instead of eating chocolate and cookies, I can’t just turn to the Chee-tos. I mean, obviously snack food is still acceptable, as cannot live without snacks. But the sugar is what really needs to go. (That’s what *they* said – Survivor! mwah.) I’m just afraid of falling back on a bunch of carbs – sugar in a different form. And also, what am I going to do in those lulls after lunch and dinner, when I *need* something sweet. So I want to begin a list of acceptable backups or substitutes to have on hand, because obviously something will have to fill in the gaps. Can’t eat my hand. Won’t be hungry for lunch.

*fruit (strawberries!)

*hard-boiled eggs

*various trail mixes

*cheese

*cheese

*bruschetta

*chips and salsa

*veggies & dip

*more cheese

Please continue in comments.

-pen

Penural,

i still may be allergic to walnuts b (which god i hope not) ut i can definitely tell you i'm probably allergic to soy also. super awesome. not horribly allergic but enough to stop up my sinuses, cause my face to get hot and a nice little red splotchy hive thing to happen on my chest... though the more i read the more it can include things like green beans and string beans... let alone the soy lecithin thats contained in a lot of chocolate. i mean i do not have money for an allergist. and all these cross contaminants can be dizzying... i suppose i must continue my scientific exploration. i can tell you the dark chocolate peanut clusters i had a couple hours ago did not go down well. and chocolate shouldn't ever cause that urpy unsettled feeling. i mean that's criminal. so maybe now that the wheat is gone my body is fine tuning its sensitivity. intolerance.allergy.intolerance. allergy. i mean sure i'm really glad i can still eat the popsicles but still. anyway. lame. and i won't talk about the 'no more govt cheese' wall i just hit. i think i'm good till the end of march but then its an abyss. must begin to build hot air balloon now. not sure if i can pack nuts or chocolate... but meat and most greens and rice krispie treats are still in. so i suppose its not all bad. i.guess. barring bankruptcy or death by soy.

m,

I feel like I’m kinda burned out. Or something. Perhaps it’s best not to analyze, but you know I can’t help myself. My to-do list has decreased, but I’ve hit that unpleasant wall with no motivation to do what little is there. J.Lo started doing the laundry for me on Sunday, and I feel half-guilty, half-pleased. Like I can’t even hack the laundry, what is UP. But seriously? When it’s super-busy with deadlines, I can’t hack the laundry. The folding! Ugh.

And I ponder my constant desire for *newness* and the inability to settle into what is. Always seeking to change or improve everything from my occupation to my eating habits to my desktop wallpaper. Journey. Would be nice if I were inclined to pick the road and travel down it, taking in the sights, rather than forging a million little crazy forks for myself. I’m just saying.

Meanwhile, we’ve been watching “The Middle,” which I love. I relate! But it makes me pause. I feel like, considering our resources, is it even fair to ponder a third child. Yes, there’s always enough love to go around, that’s not the problem. Practicality intervenes—and yes, God always provides, but that’s not the problem, either. I feel like I am choosing between a life that is even more hectic and financially burdened, doomed to shag carpet and clashing lime-green paint on the walls… or a more manageable life that features extra *possibility* for someday, including and especially travel. Like how am I ever going to go the places I want to someday go, if there is a third. Anyway. And I come back again to Journey, staying on and enjoying the chosen path. Have I already chosen?

In the meantime, I have temporarily but officially overdosed on sad stories. No more human trafficking literature for awhile, at least not in book form. I am instead reading Airhead, by Meg Cabot, my trusted supplier of literary candy. Or perhaps Queen of Babble. Or maybe both. I checked out both from the library. The Blue Notebook, the audio CD I recently ripped for the iPod, will have to wait.

So, can we fast-forward through February, already? I’m over it. Oh wait… Journey. Dammit! It’s just that I’m looking forward to my favorite season and month, March, which includes a Ben Folds concert(!), spring weather, a birthday, and oh yes—a visit. From YOU! I am perhaps a little bit excited.

love,

pen

Penolin,

oH MAN, so seriously- today. crazy. as i passed the police cars and the stop sign, i mostly fully stopped at even. i was having this amazingly coincidental contemplation on the law and grace and thank God for the law and for grace. but definitely more for grace. otherwise we're all lost. but i was in fact contemplating 'order' and i turned right and then i made a left and did a legal uturn and parked illegally in a redzone to deposit checks from my um jewelry commission. frickin what! still- am speechless about that. i may evey try to get little metal tags stamped with my name on them. anyway, so i'm contemplating illegal parking and the overuse of redpaint is completely ungenerous and unnecessary. its like you can tell that in certain places they just were like, lets eat up as many free spots as possible. so then off i go to make the illfated right. and this tiny old woman with short peppered brunette hair wags this grandmotherly admonishing finger at me, back and forth, with a shake of her head, like i'd taken a cookie i wasn't suppose because she was convinced i was going to get fat or because like all girls i was naughty through and through and frankly i balked and saw a little red in all my confusion and was hunched over my steering wheel with a cockeyed confused look like WTF LADY! I can TURN. I mean i'll wait till you clear the intersection but I'm within my rights! And its not like she pointed or seemed concerned. Just mad. So my rebellious spirit does not react well to authority figures who are just mad and judging. I mean if she had been surprised and gesticulating wildly at the one way sign i think i would have gotten it but as it was still no clue as i turn right, into oncoming traffic. as god would have it most of the cars were going straight or turning right and as i panicked, the world having gone completely whackadoodle i saw an EXIT sign in simple black letters and a driveway with no bars or spikes and i ducked in there with sweetjesusrelief, turned my ass around the right way, merged over the 3 lanes and got the hell out of there before anything else should happen.

it was just all so funny and ironic in hindsight. even should you be provoked to sin and led into it by your own rebellious desires, sometimes God gives you an exit sign and a way to turn it around and so you don't get smacked in the ass for it. perfect illustration for grace... or mercy really. (my meditations for the next 3wks are all on sin so ... you know. )

after that i went swimming and had some frozen yogurt. because really, i mean totally necessary. and had some lunch, watched s5 of the wire, finished my lenten necklace, and there the day went. i did burn my steak to a crisp however and have made a short list of things further allergic too- as i do have tiny bumps on my chest and impaired breathing- so far i have walnuts, and chocolate chips on the list-as i've ruled out blueberries. i further concluded if its chocolate its the 'emulsifier' soy lechitin. i love the internet so much. and i had a reaction tonight so i ponder. if its soy. because i had no walnuts today. but a handfull of c.chips. i hope its not popsicles. cuz i had like 3 of those tonight alone. along with an orange and a banana... but first thing's first. 2nd list later. i'm not sure which would be worst. probably fruit. so whatevs.

tomorrow is babysitting thorne. yoga. and there the day goes. and its uppose to rain. so i mean, you know, all kinds of fantastic.
lovesyou.
m.

Pennypancakes,

Yesterday was pretty good. I had that: and thus the day progressed type feeling. Watched some netflix, ate some fudge and pondered the clutter of my room as I composed letters, and minute meeting notes. Massaged the consistent tingly feeling of the left side of my right knee. It's just a tad angry i've escalated the working out. The hiking, the moving dirt here and there, but its still better than before, worse than way before that. I just want to say hangon body hang on, we're getting there. But i feel good about going back to acupuncture to. Which I plan to schedule sometime next week.

The praying everyday for an hour is going fairly well. I think there are days that I just hang out with God and not much happens and some days like last night, in contemplating sin that I seemed so tired I might have fallen asleep right away. The night before last though one of the meditations was why do so many suffer because of sin, and i suffer so little. The result being- why am I being saved from my own self-destruction. And the word that came back was "you were mean't to face the sun"- and I was a big pink daisy in the middle of a vast grassy field. I like that. It doesn't explain it but it seemed some fact.

It's raining again. Its happened so often in the last month I might believe we are in some mini el nino cycle. How exciting. I haven't taken it for granted yet though. And it is a nice scene- all the birds lined up on the wires of the patio lights. Mom's gang of finches that she feeds.

And the rest of my day might go something like this list: necklace, necklace, xfiles?, book, book, ipod. Tomorrow I swim and help Kerry clean. So it's like, yes, i'm in need of a shower... but tomorrow?!... oh and as soon as i unplug the ipod and replug in the wire for the phone i can update you properly on babysitting thorne and such. and such and such.

m.

Dear Penelope,

this was today,
i'm eating a popsicle and pondering that no, the oatmeal didnot cut it.

i decided with nothing to do i would do my taxes. so check that off the lst. i'm pretty sure i filed my state ones becs then it said take the survey but i was too fast closing windows but i hope it submitted. we'll see. i'm suppose to be getting $293 back total ... fairly good for not having made any money this year. there was that month and 1/2 though.

also randomly this woman had my business card from a couple yers back and wanted to buy some seaweed prints. crazy. so thats cool and wanted to chat about SAIC and if seaweed pressing is a good natural project for this craft magazine and is going to fwd my info to her editor... wha....? so i had some shenanigans trying to update my websitewhich i've been intending to do for like months.... but it proves the websites usefulness. and that it should show copyright stamps from 0'10 and not 08. also maybe as i'd been intending to do for the last 2 years, to go collect seaweed. and get some more.

interesting developments.

and though i have no money coming in, as my unemploy check is still not here... its all going to be ok. i havent cut up the card yet but i think once i see the wheels turning again i will...

ive also started downloading songs... uploading? anyway. want to make me a mix cd of your favorites??