dear oldsamey,

You're right, I have stopped labeling my posts. I don't like the new interface either - like they have tried to "simplify" it with all the white space and aesthetically I can embrace that, but its simplicity is actually complicated. It's a lie. And, I finally became so fed up with Windows Live writer, with its own impositions on formatting and the inability to add more label-categories, that I uninstalled the whole dumb thing. It was no longer bringing anything extra to the table and in fact was inciting hostility.

Two futures lay before me for the weekend - some travel, which will apparently include snow. Or staying home with puppies, the bigger of whom is ill. And smelly. And making me say things like, "Only my dog." Only Bender, possessing less sense than God gave a turnip (#blessherheart), would continue to seek out with fervor some substance that makes her grossly sick. Anyway. While less exciting, this Plan B alternative would be kind of thrilling, as it would involve a. alone/down time and b. a lot of catching up on TV. I think I'm now three behind on Grey's, one on Downton, one or two on Carrie Diaries? New ProRun. And then (completely ambitious) I still really want to watch P&P with Colin Firth. All in one go.

Or... read. I do heart my latest book in its soothing, magical prose.

Or... some work. Gag-cough. It's not that I'm not grateful for the quasi-abundance of topics in my q, even knowing half will ultimately be tossed (I can sniff out potential problems with editorial approval a mile away), but I'm more and more getting frustrated with freelancing for the time/effort it takes and correlating payment. Like after seeking, sifting, sorting topics, claiming them, figuring out if I can actually do them, writing them, finding pictures, labeling, titling, submitting them and holding my breath on their acceptance, it's like defeat waiting to happen. Granted when that $25 a pop comes through it's a brief but solid thrill, like winning a scratch-off card. Yay. And it's much more awesome to work at home, filling in the gaps of time and not dealing with human coworkers. I get the trade-off. But then. 98% of the topics, when available, are irrelevant, or problematic, or incite great snark. "Activities for Kids on Caffeine?" I think not about pinteresty crafts and lessons regarding chemical makeup and properties of the compound, but rather, Should you really be giving your kid caffeine? Won't it make them hyper and stunt their growth. How would you even reign in their caffeine-riddled energy to do an activity. And every time I see the "Chinese Teething Myths" topic in queue, I want to take a shot. Of hard liquor. Because it's been months now seeing it, and it's been claimed, unclaimed, claimed, unclaimed, and ultimately never written. Because it is a ridiculous topic. Why not just make it "Ancient Chinese Secrets," just as nonsensical and pointless and vague.

I suppose I should engage in something productive now. Like perhaps packing for the weekend, at least the children's things, or finishing my church mod-podge, even though I'm waffling on the overall design (is it cool? does it need something more?) and lamenting my lack of purple paper to fill in the remaining six gaps.

love to you and weeeeeee! enjoy your motorbike ride,
penelaotong

Dear Penelope,

Hello dear friend. I can't believe its already the end of tuesday. I wanted to tell you, as it just popped into my head, that i so need to finish/um, start- that last biola essay. Todd my grad counselor called to check in and actually asked if he could pray for me. I was like, sure, oh right now? Yes. And he reminded me also to apply for my fafsa and told me 1 letter of rec came in. It's all seeming disturbingly real right now. I'm getting that oh! I'm actually doing what?! When did i agree to this?

In other news Joanna's package has not come back. Her necklace is lost in NY. I am sure it will make its way back to me, but probably not for another week at least. So tragic. I may have to make her a substitute. And I confess, I'm going to extend my jfk layover into a 3day tour of the town. And deliver her easter necklace to ensure she actually gets it. It's a win/win obviously but funds have me slightly nervous as April looms pretty quickly after. And I have no money for that.

Also I'm fighting some bug. I blame thorne. That kid is infectious. I am sure most kids are. But i am never around them and she's an easy target. Last night I got about 11 hours of sleep. I mark that bcs of its unusualness, that and I kept waking up from sounds, my dying phone, the toilet lid slamming down, my cat pawing my face, me hacking and tickling throat. And if I didn't think I'd wake up before the sun, which you know I don't like, I'd be in bed right now. *sigh. maybe i'll have a popsicle.

more later. m.

Anyway following is the weekend in pictures:

kerrys baptism present: "you are not your own, you have been bought with a price"

mom and i grub on some garlic fries after callie's 3 hour tour d'force of martial arting and her sensai's pontificating. though thats not her fault. plus it leveraged me into being able to have lunch with my mom followed by a flower buying tour of home depot.

kerry and i at mortified. which i wish when you come it would be in town. bcs its so so good.

after all of that naturally i had to lay down in the sun yesterday and relax.

weekend odds & ends

• My favorite, only-pair-that-fits-right jeans now have a big old hole in the knee. I guess they were getting a little raggedy, so thin they wore clean through. But in the meantime, I am jeans-less, and a little sad.
• While at my friend J’s, someone EGGED my car. People still egg cars? The best part is that the shells were brown. I like picturing the hoodlum in question thieving his parents’ expensive brown eggs to go throw around the neighborhood.
• I really like my wreath (below). I might have mentioned that. It cost under $10 to make. Even the bird makes me  happy.
• Our deck is now all gone, courtesy of badass, crowbar-wielding J.Lo. Plans for spring include a new, lower deck, possibly with a tin roof. I like the way they sound in the rain. Not to mention I’d love some shade, without breaking the bank.
• I *accidentally* forgot my computer at my parents’ house this weekend, which meant I *couldn’t* do any work during Craft Weekend. *Oops.* I’m kind of sick of work. I find it highly over-rated, especially during the holidays. However, being sick of work doesn’t make the need for it go away. Profound, I know.
• Susie nearly won Survivor: Gabon last night. While I’m sure she’s a lovely person in real life, she did nothing of note the entire season, save for creating fire in a challenge where no one else could. I would have DIED if she won. Sugar didn’t really try for votes, which is why she didn’t get any… but the contest should have been down to her and Bob. Susie was the recipient of three “I don’t know who else to vote for” votes, but that doesn’t make them okay. Also, Corinne is Evil Personified.
• I now officially drink my coffee black. It only took a few days to get used to it. It’s tasty.
• I’ve no idea what to make for J.Lo’s work potluck. Something savory. Any suggestions?

On a Given Saturday

Risen early. A leisured morning. I wore my darkblue sun dress, having lately reclaimed the color from my somber past. The compliments I received and the look of my warm complexion in it overrode the fleeting cringe. A couple months ago I bought the first yellow shirt I’d ever owned and I would have rather worn that. But the white skirt, coincidentally bought with the blue dress was stained- it was the first of that color for a skirt too, and the yellow and white made a pleasing pair. Daring I thought, in all my now 32 years.

I stood on the train platform glancing around to make sure I was where I was suppose to be, favoring my right knee and noting with a smile that though silver and slick, trains had lost none of their romance. My meager supplies wouldn’t carry me far but my trip down the coast to San Juan Capistrano carried me far enough out of my own mind and into the fabric of my heart- azure sea, old plastered walls…

I tested several seats and still found myself going backwards and windowless, but it seemed perfect to tuck my feet up and incline my large frame- read my book about an island and wished myself there as the train blurred the landscape. My brow, in unguarded moments contracted in dissatisfaction- Claudius would say to bear our hearts in grief and our whole kingdom contracted in a brow of woe… but I have no idea what this bearer mourns, and yet she does, unabated on two weeks.

I heard the clipped cadence of “tickets please” and with things for though contracted, a smile of amusement would play upon these lips, as this anachronistic man stopped short, hand extended, punch, punch, with his hat just so in all seriousness moved through the train.

I arrived and was not upswept in arms embraced. Neither a man, nor a lover, my friend was late. My feet brandished the concrete nature of here and now as I was carried into the orbit of my friends distress, her joys, her questions, and how she speaks to me as kindred, as an artist… and we landed after many turns on a quiet Café Mozart for lunch. I had chicken schnitzel and with each bite incongruously took me to Turkey. The Germans are everywhere I said. Elisa nodded in agreement. From one German to another it seemed to be so… I wished to be everywhere also. And we were the only diners at the restaurant.
As we talked I wondered how the place stayed in business and she said, parties. And like a magic word uttered the crew quietly set themselves up around us. One stack of white something or others moored themselves before my eyes and then tables with rapidity rolled by and built up like a break to the right and then the umbrellas around us flew off their ornamented tables and one by one they themselves disappeared in the wake. Until our table, lonely and the sea impatient, waited to consume it.

And finally when as we rose and wadded past the shops it seemed as if the structure of our lives was breaking up around us so that I was quiet and did not wonder where we would land but felt the sand, and noted the sun and we, racing toward I know not what. Until with luck and a late train I bounded to meet it.
But the arch of the evening came on and I found myself in Hollywood sitting on a curb waiting to be picked up and feeling the quiet of a side street about to give birth to a sprawling complex. It would never whisper as it did now- and over dinner and a chance encounter with other friends I found myself full and brimming. And Kerry said, here I bought you this. And out came this black workout outfit for $10. And in the parking lot by our cars I put on the pants and took off my dress and found myself garnered in the soft comfort of mourning colors. My red bra only exposed for a short time…

attack geese of balboa lake

Okay, so I know we lost our super cool rythmn. Stella is going to get her groove back, it's just that writing in caps is fucking me up. So rather than archive talk I'll talk about yesterday. As you know I'm on a fitness kick, but meanwhile I have my friend Joanna handing me candybars, most likely so she won't ruin her svelte self and then another friend baking cookies. And then Danica promised to make me dessert, which among my favorites is this chocolate tort or tart? To die for. I had to tell her at church today, no. Sorry no. We at FatCamp Mendacious cannot take home an entire whatever it is because you don't want the whole thing in your house because you'll just eat it, either. Stop sabotaging me people. That's all I'm saying. So yesterday, I went to Balboa Lake. Any lake within the greater LA basin is not really a lake but a water resoivor. Some in use, some totally not, but either way. Anyway this one lays in a lovely flood plain, in the middle of the San Fernando Valley, and is flanked by the Sepulveda Dam, a Japanese Garden, an army reserve, a sports facility and an actual location to fly remote controlled planes and kites. It pretty much, almost has everything. It also has a slew of birds. And in particular a gaggle gang of killer geese. They were totally hissing at us and kicking a ton of people off the sidewalk until this old Asian lady took this book she had and gently hurded them off the sidewalk with a shushing, tsk sounding shuffle thing. It was awesome. Everyone else was just wide eyed and what the fuck are those birds hissing?! I can't believe they can hiss?! Why are they hissing. So the Asian lady shooed them and they just waddled and strutted back to the water. Meanwhile after meandering 2miles my left foot threatened to exile itself and I was like, whatever, I'm done- and my dogs were all panting and dehydrated and Bodo was all mad because he couldn't chase the birds or jump in the water. Though like, the geese, he was totally scared of the geese. And Zeppelin was like where the hell are we and who are these people and why can't I go back and sleep on the couch. Next time, I must try and get footage of the geese... and wear pants so I'm not secretly afraid that they'll bite me and make me bleed.

Return of the Gourd

It's a more of an early harvest of our prized gourds. Apparently not only prized by us but by the nursery behind our house. We'd marked one gourd on the fence, as in hey jackholes, we know it's here so don't take it. Like when they harvested one of our prized cinderella pumpkins. last year. Lame. So of course we come out saturday morning and its gone. And of course I hop the fence on sunday to see what i can tit-for-tat before church. But there wasn't anything i wanted. Then i see all the other gourds they could've taken besides the only one we knew about- and all this hacking of vines and picking of gourds made me late for church. which only in in LA in my particular life would that be the thing to make me late on top of the parents taking the car to breakfast. I'm fairly sure i wiped all the dirt off myself before the service but i can't be sure i got all the leaves.Otherwise in an unprecedented move i spent the entire weekend drinking. Which is a bit of a novelty for me. but when you've got grand marnier and tequila and lime just waiting for you in a cooler and a new blender... how can you say no?

Drink tally:

Friday: 5 margaritas (10+ shots) riding high.

Saturday: 1 margarita (2 shots) feeling it.

Sunday: 2 margaritas (5 shots) authentically sauced.

Weekend Wrap Up

Friday: We made it to "Streetcar Named Desire". I was suffering under fatigue, discovered later, intestinal malaise. Tragic. Spent moments frustrated, calm, interested, and enjoying. Highlights: Dark chocolate, pomegrante martini.

Saturday: Finished AnneofGreenGables. Spent moments feeling as if somebody was going to die, went looking around for things to give away. Wondered what exactly i was looking for. Went and saw "Superbad"... it.was.a.good.time. Hi-larious. Do not remember anything else.... besides my cat Marley.
Sunday: Photo spectacular. I could not, would not, leave the house. I worked in the yard. Did chores. Communed. Mom discovered this:

Then: in unprecedented productivity i was able to check this off my list (hovering there since winter?)

And then for gusto I made this A-line skirt- needs some fixin but mostly pretty good:

THEN my cousin came over and talked my ear off for 4+ hours. He tried to get me to be spontaneous. With only 5 minutes notice. i said, NO: (i had a skirt to sew and mom had sock monkeys to make. . . so he came over and talked all sorts of talk. And we sewed. And he talked. And I talked, sipped water and by the end of the night, god love him, totally said: now, i have to get to bed, get the fuck out. Which he did but only after 1/2 hour transition to the door and now i am at work, near unconscious- but it had to have been a good time. Bcs that's what the pictures tell me.

........

things that make me happy: 2

i think the crush of work is getting to me, like it is for most people, but if your spoiled and have spent the last you know blah blah going thru extended periods of whatever the hell i want then every way you react to sucking up 11 hours of your life from commute to lunch to commute goes to befuddling introspection on how to claim your life back- today i spent most my time in this room clicking on a mouse and feeling my fingertips feel numb as i rather hopelessy tried to assemble some clipreels... as one thing after another went wrong and by 530 i had 3 unfinished projects. and they're waiting for me on monday. oh, joy. the edit room is so not my bag.

so amidst the crush i completely forget that my weekends sometimes look as divine as these. and check out my camera phone! it rocks! last friday i was reminded how difficult friends can be what with the communicating and the not communicating and the expectation and the friends hurting and you hurting for them, then on saturday i was reminded at how spectacular things can be- a really lovely lunch with danica (pictured to the left) then on the way to a nursery we swung by joanna's house and she was wonderfully willing and able to hang with us- and not only that but feed us... i marveled at how beautiful spontenaity can be, and usually how unwilling i am to embrace it. but it was nice to take a breath from the checklist. and to be held hostage by a moment and the glorious fact i didn't drive (just this once) made me willing. i went home and had a good time and conversation with friend sarah, who bore the brunt of my consumption with these two, but it was like coming home to a sister and that in itself was awesome, since i dont' have one- and i had not felt so abundantly blessed with friendship in such a long time, it was a rare and gorgeous bloom.

dear blog,

hi, i'm cool. i had a good weekend...i think? watched science of sleep, step into liqued... completely stepped off the exercise and eating right bandwagon... said, fuck it, and i'll see you next week. tomorrow. goes perfectly with shaving and showering... folding laundry like i did just now: (tired of moving the piles from the bed to the floor and back again) doesn't so much go with watching little miss and eating pizza- on my 4th dietcoke of the day- hauled firewood, and leveled dirt, got tired and stared into space, hummingbirds zooming past, patches of blue sky disappearing fast, and the wind picked up and it got cold to contemplate wearing a hat, or going inside and calling it quits. (rhett just said he didn't give a damn and scarlet said there was always tomorrow.) john lee says he's in the mood for love and so am i. trying to find away out of scraping pennies and bad papercuts liqued bandaid won't fix. and taxes... maybe get myself a refund if i could, ever, check, them, off, my, list: whalewatching, clean artroom, buy a volleyball net... i've got the ball and everything and just need people to play... uh, huh... and unfinished... unfinished... we're those weekend project people... won't quit until the sun goes down or the weather turns wrong, maybe just this once, quit, cuz you feel tired... and say there is always tomorrow.

hey-day

today we used the close proximity of the neighbors for good not evil.

it was a balmy 78 in the shade and with the windows and doors thrown open after the long winter we heard the cheers and jeers of would be superbowl watchers... with the rain drenching florida, giving us a painful reminder we live in a mediterranean climate and others do not, i was completely conflicted over watching the game... so while Poirot solved crimes on the Biography channel, whenever we heard a punctuated- agghhhhh or yah!!!!! we flipped the channel and watched the instant replay. i have to say it all went really quickly. and it was a pretty good game. after a certain point though, say the 2nd quarter, the Bears did nothing significant but make us cringe, nevertheless it was a good day. we ate the grilled chicken the neighbors brought over, made pizza with spinach and pesto... and capped the night with parfaits and quilt making. the only unfortunate thing, perhaps a Poirot hangover tomorrow might bring, is work... but lets not think about that, let's think about the morning hike we did- and as we walked with the dogs i would punctuate the air with: i am in charge and! i will be dominant! and as we walked thru the pockets of brisk shade and the breathing warmth of the sun and grit i thought: if i only had time and strength to walk the entire mountain.

till tomorrow.
m.