Ready-Set,

The journey back took longer than expected, but you can start sending me letters again.

Let me recall where I was. It was Laung Namtha. My roommate kept me up by asking me a full litany of questions about Christianity. We started with light topics like abortion, ran through the gammit with Jesus and forgiveness and ended with just a dusting on prophetic prayer. But by then it was past 1 and she had a bus to catch in the morning. So she left me, and I prayed that kind of thing about soil and truth taking root... more on that when i bring myself up to present day Easter.

The morning was nice. I don't remember anything pressing as I sat down to breakfast. The power had gone out. My laptop was being funny about charging- now we know why. I think the adapter died or got fried. Who can say. I had tea and tried to make the time pass, with nothing to do and an afternoon plane. Papaya salad. A bland pho. Then on the back of a caged truck to the airstrip. Twin engine plane sort of thing. A woman hacking behind me, setting my teeth on edge. Loud group chatting and laughing adding to the dissonance and discomfort, the slight nausea creeping in and the heat.

Touchdown.

I didn't want to bother the missionaries. So I let them be. I bravely, the 2nd time around walked out of the airport and caught a public tuk-tuk into town- the price difference being akin to something like .50c or $7. Nevermind the germans who just let me walk off and didn't even offer me a ride, and that's after I nudged them.

Anyway I met up with my Laung Prabang roomie Alex for some slight room savings, to commisserate and decompress with. I had some delicious fruit smoothies, overwalked through wats and the city heat sans my sun hat which i'd lost somewhere back wherever. I had a limp. The a/c barely worked and it got worse the 2nd night. We got a discount. I bought some paper umbrellas. I ate a stale croissant. I drank beer with my indian food. We got eaten by mosquitos. I got a skant amount of sleep. And then I was walking through the streets at dawn. I sent Alex off to get her photographs of monks on the backdrop of the Mekong Delta and i was determined to walk the 4km to the airport if I had to- but I didn't, and still paid too much or as expected, for my transport that I flagged down and at one point felt pretty sure I was being kidnapped but it led me through a neighborhood past saffron swathed holy men sitting in plastic chairs chatting with some men, your usual stray dogs, and a dissassembled manniquin stuffed under a circular picnic table, only to finally turn me back on course after dropping off cab passenger.

And then there I was in the Bangkok airport with 8+ hours to kill. I think I spent $20 on lunch and later, tea and chocolate cake. And almost came to tears as they wouldn't let me check in until 2. I read a magazine and a book, and took an hour nap on a traveler worn couch in the corner of the 3rd floor holding pen, and then on the way to taipei failed to sleep at all but watched something about marigolds and india. And then rather inocuously the next airport where i changed into another outfit and used my oliveoil infused cleansing wipes, and flossed, and took a 20minute nap in an empty waiting room themed all about the post office. After I slept a vomina pill induced 6 hours I watched two movies about skies falling and bravery. Both I felt lackluster and hardly earned sentiment, but then there it was, the plane was landing, and after hobbling to the customs line, 41 people ahead of me, my blue bag slowly chugging around, another line and a customs officer saying that I was braver than he was to have been where I have been for as long as I had been I skipped up the plank to see no one at all waiting for me as they eventually had fallen back and apparently were in a rapt conversation about the zombie apocalypse when I approached - and then they rather distractedly were like, hey! yea! welcome home! It was pretty funny.

I had really been craving fruit smoothies obviously and I found the weather freezing. But I ended up at in/out having a burger, finding my friends to be rather fatigued looking but happy to see me, Lolly detailed and cleaned, and then later balloons, a bouquet, my starbucks card with a little cash on it, and ribbon hanging here and there and everywhere. Param ran right up to me and followed me into my room. Twist fled. And marley took a bit to not be mad at me. I sat down later and played Portal which was another thing I really wanted to do with Amber. And then there it was. My first few hours back.

More on oscillating, and time warps later.
My love,
m.

 

Grit,

My dear laotong, and maybe this is perhaps where the dragon and the horse speak a different language. It's the Pam question- Why isn't being a mother enough? Now I know this is some sort of existential question, like why isn't being X enough. So I'm not dismissive of you grappling. And let's forgo that, yes you could use the money so that you're not on the razors' edge every month, AND that as a human being you need mental stimulation outside of your 24/7 never stops work as a mom. So let's just not argue those points. I get those. Absolutely. I just don't like these sorts of things tied up into your worth and ultimately your VALUE since I love my friend, I don't like to see her abused in any way, even if it's by herself- especially so. And it's good; you need to have, find those avenues in which to have another facet of your life, but not just so that it's not just (while valid) the relentless pursuit of money, or filling up time.

And as we process aloud, I did the job that most people were like really you? And I was like really me? Granted my job made it sort of a worst case scenario and I was drained 2 hours into the day and still had 3 more to go. And ultimately I do probably need to teach older kids and ones with a creative streak, but that aside- so while I encourage the stretching of borders, and I do think you'd master the kiddos, overall, I get like you, the keyword, exhausted. And the words introverted, sensitive and not brought "alive" by children in general... but your love and your boundaried hands will make you excel in the job regardless. (I do sort of see your sympathy with the kid crying in the corner. Like they're away from their moms too soon sort of thing or a general overwhelmed misplacement. But well on ya, for doing it in the first place! And you would be rife with stories. There's that. And as Bruckner said, we're not getting any younger. Oh he meant me, since I am currently lacking a family and a job. Nevermind.

I'm too busy soaking up my last days, of your aptly named garage sale that is Laos. You gotta hit at the right time and place and it's magic or it's NOT. And while Vietnam had it's fairshare of travel annoyances. I just don't know. Either way memorable ? Tomorrow I leave to Vientiane. The plane has decided there's enough people. Yesterday I actually rented a scooter- so easy on the feet, and went down some dirt roads with Elena to a not really there waterfall. Which getting up to was a bit hard on my foot as it's back to more sore than before, but the local teen set were at the top tier with their bottles of beer lao so we turned back. It was only a few hour outing but daring enough and budget right for me. Though my butt hurts from sitting on it all day. Literally. Can't believe.

What else? Yes, HOME. Yikes. I don't know. The idea of anyone picking me up besides my mom sort of unnerves me. I get so travel cranky. But it will be really lovely to have a friend welcoming party too. But then as you know, the job question looms, and just coming back and fitting back in? Church makes me nervous, like coming back from summer break and finding everything the same but not? I have anxiety over all of that. Just coming back and being adrift. I guess that feeling won't last long. Maybe I'll make a routine of job searching and going to 24f between meeting with friends. Much like my joblessdaysbefore. Down to the - no, I can't afford that. Ok processing, processing. Needing a queen mattress, a whole new wardrobe or a seamstress.

ok friend, godspeed to us both, as we cross the waters.
xo, m.







 

Almost,

There's been a delay in post so I haven't received your last letter, if you've sent it- so i'll tell you of my last days in Udomxai (ooo-dumb-sigh)and my journey to Laung Namtha (long-nam-tah). And even though I'm not touring the landscape since I can't really see it anyway, as I'll never tire of complaining, about the haze, I suppose the most ordinary events become the experience.

Being picked up on by a sheepish and drunk French man, only to be propositioned again by an older French man named Daniel, who as he left, just had to suggest that since we were alone we could enjoy each others company together. I laughed as you know, and waved him away- it's all about approach I guess, and an accent, because in any other context I would've been like, Creep! Even now I think it's a bit outrageous, but nevermind, somehow the disarming was right so that I wasn't aghast to his face, just amused and charmed. Oh the French!

Anyway, the next day I did infact switch hotels, for the better, and a Christian family who live in Laos invited me to come with them and another couple to a waterfall (as the dad saw me hobbling by and asked what happened). The gate was locked into the preserve so we crawled under the fence, and stopped by the small river instead. We played settlers of catan and it was a funny good time playing with people who could be my parents. Though the dad was nervous I was a reporter and then the son, and his anti-LA sentiment came bristling out (with the "your kind of music" comment)- as if he's ever even met a local. I am going to be one of those people as I get older- oh I'm sorry, have you met someone from LA or just a whole bunch of people from somewhere else living in LA. It's totally different. Of course objectively going off with complete strangers, in a car, into a remote forest preserve with a hurt foot and no phone... well there's my risktaking. A benign day by all accounts thankfully, despite the dead mosquitos on my fried khiew. So I stayed on the next day, just so I could hobble to the postoffice and buy an overpriced and terrible coffee drink and get hit on again- obviously.

After that I got up and managed to walk to the bus station- grab a good seat- and met my next travel partner Elena from Ireland. Which gave me someone to widen my eyes with when we stopped in the middle of nowhere on the side of the road to let the small bus cool down- and for the driver to ask us if he could take our waters to put in the engine... um, sure. We went slow, it wouldn't slip into gear, we stopped a few more times, once the guys all got out and pushed us, another guy got a bloody nose by the side of the road and started pushing leaves up into his nostril. I handed him some tissue as the blood was leaking out of the leaves and onto everything as he got back on the bus.

Then after what was suppose to be a beautifully paved road experience of fast travel we limped into town after over 4 hours on the road- oh but no, outside of town, 10kilometeres outside of town! which to varying degrees they do this to you in all of Laos (!^*#&$(*! So that you have to bargain and usually get ripped off by these tuk-tuk drivers (who if they weren't forced into this bizarre middle man position we'd likely pay them more in the long run)- they're like motorbikes with caged wagons attached basically. So we hop off the bus and usually there's some hearty discussion and one guy quoted us a price that was what everyone pays and then another guy comes rushing over and basically ups the price by degrees and soon they're all locked into overcharging us. The maddening thing is it's only for $1 or so. That's the problem. I asked two different people, the coffee shop guy who spoke a little English and I even engaged the bus drivers help- and they all gave me these fucking sheepish grins- and assured me that I was paying the same as Lao people- 10,000.Which is about $1.2 But neither of them would interfere with the mafia. Cowards! Technically with more people the price should drop to 5,000. But the guy with the one eye, mcfuckingshifty wasn't willing to take us into town for less than 20,000 each. Keep in mind our 4 hour bus ride cost 40,000. So you can see the astronomical nature of the price. Since the trip into town took maybe 5 minutes. It was weird and unusual because neither of us would back down and frustrating because Elena was unwilling to walk or to hitchhike- since I didn't want to give them the satisfaction. And I think we were all surprised that we weren't willing to overpay.

The bus driver told us that another bus was coming- in 20minutes (read an hour later) and then they'd take us. So Elena almost caved and having her with me was suddenly extremely annoying since even with my foot I would've hobbled down the road and found my way despite those assholes. And then after another 1/2 hour there were more falang to rip off and we all were on our way. I stared daggers at the ones who knew better and if I see them again I will say shame on you and wag my finger since they knew full well they were being jerks- bcs there's always one guy with a conscience and those are the ones you have to shake your head at. Meanwhile trash is being thrown out of windows into the forests, and onto the sidewalk and at my feet at the bus station, and a guy carrying around a dead raven that his bus had hit, and what was surely going to be dinner. They're just living by a different code out here- As frustrating as it is. What can you do. You take a stand. It's usually over something fucking stupid like a $1. That's what you get for being principled sometimes, and for being too accommodating in others- Because none of it is really OK. But you try to let it be until it's just not.

Elena did get to meet some Irish people which made her happy and I was able to crack a joke saying, we almost broke up over the tuk-tuk drivers, and we'd only just met on the bus. To which they replied, that's one of the fastest relationships in history. We all laughed and met up for dinner. We walked out to see floating lanterns with a warm orange color wafting up into the night like a fairytale, and then I had some amazing papaya salad, and a not watered down fruitshake! And while the woman in the market was trying to overcharge me for bananas and another woman was eating from someone elses plate, and I couldn't help wonder what the crazy womans deal was from the last town- as she ran around as crazy people do, half exposed, and nipping off the heads of plants and wearing eccentric hats, I can't help but think, ok Laos, let's play nice. There's some charm here and there, like the woman carrying her pet cats in a bucket on her back, and the baby puppies and the flowers in bloom. You and I are going to end on fine terms. A generous breakfast, a nice hotel, cost splitting and saving with Elena. 2 or 3 more full days... depending on when the plane goes. And then Home.

Let's all take a nap and meet up for lunch.
My love to you from THIS place,
m.