While the Rents are Away....

I realize that in my rush to dismantle the room I robbed you of the full display of hideousness. The tired Ansel Adams frame- grey and unmatching. The miscellaneous pink hideous things from the 80's I can't describe. Yes, this is my parents room. . . And mom, 10 years ago used to hate it when I showed it to people... so she is really not going to like it now. I've had a few arguments with friends who signaled concern at such a bold move as repainting my parents room without their permission. They dare to side with my parents on this one- to which though I am slightly disgruntled at I am more amused and applaud them for trying to stave me off my risky course, futile though it may be. In my defense I did warn my mom to which she feebly replied, "no, don't..." which I took to mean "yes, but don't do anything crazy." Also since I've basically lived with them for a long time, and have had an equally long record of modifying my environment this should come as no surprise. I am a controlling person. Every room should be beautiful, even if it's not mine. And though it may take an even more equally long time, every room will reflect the aesthetic beauty I deserve to frequent my gaze upon... The skill my parents have developed is called "ignore" which I think robs them of their combined powers of both creativity and execution. This room has scarcely been touched in over 25+ years and I don't think this is any way to live (again controlling, this should come as no surprise)... they created this beautiful redwood planked wall to ceiling installation piece that has a timeless arch and flow to it-- this is my parents at their best. They envision something and they execute its design (like our walkway) and for whatever reason they have let the house become a reflection of what was and not what IS or what it could be... in the face of waiting for what is to come- the "new house" which in the face of 30 years was a long time coming... but I don't think you should wait (my issue) to live your life in an abundant way because you dream of being elsewhere... and just because in a year you see yourself in a new place doesn't mean that things should lay to waste as time stretches on... not necessarily their particular issue but this is a perfect illustration... don't let who you are, your beauty and your talents and your mastery lie in waste as time passes by. You deserve to live and exist in a place of beauty equal to your talents- don't neglect them. Saturday I will show you the new and improved room- same stuff (i didn't want to completely freak them out)... with maybe more opinionated suggestions of how to optimize storage and possible wall hangings.

one everlasting gobstopper, 7 years, $47 later

And my bridge is fixed. I heart my dentist. I did not heart, however, the searing sound of metal being sawed from my mouth. Horror! But, the thing is fixed, which means that there is no longer a bent metal arm of a bridge sticking out from my tooth, nothing at all left to scratch up my tongue. The mind reels. I might eventually get a cavity from the damage that bent bridge caused, but that remains to be seen. A cavity! Tragically. My first ever.

In the meantime, I leave you with this: if you can't eat the Everlasting Gobstopper like you're supposed to, letting all the flavors melt away slowly instead of crunching down on the thing because you need to see the splended layers, DON'T EAT THE EVERLASTING GOBSTOPPER TO BEGIN WITH. It's pain and heartache for everyone.

Bored.

current conditions:

• parents officially out of town,
  
• projects list solid: paint bedroom, demolish bathroom walls, possibly paint side of garage chocolate brown. time- 3nights 2fulldays to do it...
  
• time looked at tour package:3
• debate emailing "matt" who is another co-traveler from england to say HI and talk about rafting the pacuare river in costa rica.
  
• wonder when someone else is going to sign up for the trip and find us on the forum
• officially vaccinated against typhoid
• things to plant: 5
• person ignored: 1
• waiting for emails: 2
• blogs fwd to me and that you should partake in: http://www.hifromwork.com/
  

subversion, and other things i've learned from m

How, over the years, she (the unwavering Taurus) has rubbed off on me (the gentle Pisces fish).

1. It's okay to a) have an opinion and b) refuse to waver from it.
2. It's okay to rant about one's world and one's feelings and not apologize for it.
3. It's not cool to be uncommunicative in a friendship. Because a friendship, like any relationship, is like a garden, and if you're uncommunicative, you may as well just let prickly weeds overrun said garden and strangle the life from it.
4. It is always okay, and in fact recommended, to be a little subversive in any given situation. Particularly those involving some sort of "establishment."
5. It is okay to have some shit, we all have shit. So long as you own said shit. Good friendships are about owning your own shit and accepting the other for his or her shit. And in turn, that person sees you and accepts you, in spite or because of your shit.

Shirtless

alright- one of the primary things i learned was that: have spare shirts. and don't get cocky. lucky for us though the art of iron-on has advanced to a click and print art. through impatience i stumbled on a look I like even better which is closer to what one gets with fancy-schmancy screenprinting.

the debacle below was the last one, normally that's the one that's the pinnacle of perfection but not so. there was a slight smudge i got lazy about, it hit the edge of the iron-on and burned in... then i thought "cover it up"... that was a rush job... and it made it even worse... then i thought well... go for broke. this HIGH-gloss job is achieved by leaving the print on until fully COLD after ironing it. Which allows all the scientific whatevers to meld together. The white discoloration and cracking...um... is "achieved" by leaving on the iron too long at too high a heat. NExt we have,


Penelope- Pentini
1 oz. Yankee Snark
1 oz. Word SlingerDash of domesticity
Served up in a chilled glass with sugar on the rim.

I created this shirt in honor of her "other blog" who she "cheats on me" with. you can see the contrast btw the gloss and no gloss difference... the low gloss, screenprint feel is achieved by removing the backing quickly in about 5seconds. it removes the wicky gloss and causes the images to gently fade but remain pretty solid. the fluider the removal motion the better... i cannot say i've absolutely achieved this... but still. i've washed and dried my shirts and they look like your most awesome shirts you've had for years and won't part with.

below: if "we were" a secret society this would be our shirt... in truth i'm glad of the mistake i made with the pink one because it ushered in this tourquise loveliness at the very last minute. i fucked up my very own shirt at the last minute too- that blue beauty behind it... went quickly out of control. i can only hope um, it ripens with age. you must, (i neglected to) scale the image to the size of the shirt... but anyway the penelope shirt sports our very own latin phrase: ex abundantia enim cordis os loquitur :'For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.' and a secret penelope quiz... it cannot get more rad and full of awesomeness than that.

this of course is the ultimate pro MENDACIOUS t-shirt... it needs no explanation.

now, you say, well that's awesome... then i say, you can do it to. i used microsoft publisher and some pre-built templates but im sure other images will do and i did get fancy with the martini glass... but otherwise... easy-peasy. you can find the iron-on transfer papers at crazy places like office depot and staples- plus they even specialzie further by having dark shirt/light shirt transfers... ooo, fancy.

M, OUT.

ps. this is not me being altrustic, this is me being devoted to one of my absolutest awesomest friends on the earth... who after knowing her for 8years gets radder and radder with age. So do not send me your t-shirt requests... unless you pay me like a lot of money. xoxo.

fashion show, by pen

The shirts, of course, are by M who clearly LOVES ME! She's promised a post to follow with iron-on tricks and tips, as well as (I imagine) a detailed discussion of her process. How her brilliant mind arrived at each design. Diagrams will be included. Right?

Excuse my out-of-control hair (needs to be cut) and occasional slumping (hopeless).

things that have recently made my life easier, by pen

1. Organizing my Inbox. This is totally a big *duh* on my part, because I have several folders in addition to the Inbox, I am an Organizational Addict, and yet never thought to create separate folders for frequent email contacts. Instead I just let the Inbox fill up, and when it got out of control, with say, several hundred emails, I went through and deleted a bunch. A bunch of dam work, and I ended up deleting and/or losing stuff I might have wanted in the whole ghastly process. The other day I made all these new folders, and now I've got just a few emails in my Inbox? Best organizational decision, possibly of all time.

2. A lap desk for my laptop. J.Lo decided I needed one, because I was using a pillow to rest my laptop on out in the living room, and setting one's laptop on a pillow is apparently akin to holding a pillow over its face. You will slowly smother it to death. My laptop's been acting wonky, anyway, slow and feeble and something's wrong with the jack, but the lap desk totally helps, keeps the laptop breathing and my skin from melting off.

3. Scheduled posting, by Blogger. This Blogger feature where you future-date your post and it will automatically publish was first available in Draft Blogger, but is now available in regular Blogger. You just change the time and/or date of your post, and click "Publish" as usual. Ingenious.

4. Spray sunblock. It's a watery (but very effective) version of sunblock that is easy to spread over one's children. I had purchased some last summer, but it came in a pump bottle that takes a fair amount of pressure to operate, which is difficult with lotion-y fingers. The new pump sprays efficiently and effectively with minimal pressure, and the lotion itself goes on in a jiffy. Three of us can be out the door in less than 10 minutes. *Just don't use it on your face, it does tend to run into your eyes.

5. Wonder paper and markers, by Crayola. They're markers and paper that only work with each other, so the tiny people under your employ can use markers to their hearts' content without getting it all over your furniture and walls. The only problem is when you run out of paper and the poor kid is using Wonder markers on plain paper, not understanding why her markers aren't able to draw pretty pictures anymore. Sure, it's a tad pricey, but that's what grandmas are for.

CLARISSA, by M (oh and S.Richardson)

Clarissa was a pretty fabulous epic and Aimee with a fabulous titled blog "C'est Vrai"... asked my thoughts. In no particular order:

1. I loved it!
   
2. I think that, like Proust, one has to be up for a little literary archeology to fully enjoy it.
3. Skim factor: only 5%... my friend Cathy skimmed over 1/2 which is a disservice to the pure beauty of literate language- beautifully wonderfully written-WORDS, though at a certain point, you're like holycrap Clarissa- we GET it. Move On. Which is why I enjoyed the novel so much more when Lovelace and Belford take over. I think Miss Howe got the shaft. (so not cool)
   
4. Lovelace is one of the greatest villains in literary history. The ways in which his character is fashioned I feel has influenced the too hot to touch seductive male- a classic vampire in fact in the way he almost hesitates to consume what he loves and thrills in the chase even more. And of course, a modern day Psychopath- to the T. It's all right there down to his torturing of animals as a child and his inability to form emotional attachments. And even better that Richardson choses never to reform him!
   
5. Clarissa herself is a difficult character. I think Richardson's greatest flaw here is that he kept her "infallible"... in that like Oliver Twist she became a pure moral force in order to juxtapose a man who constantly choses evil. After a certain point it's hard to excuse Clarissa her actions and her inability to break from her family despite everything- down to her unwillingness to accept help (christian charity) or to be a burden on anybody. Sure have her struggle but come on! Richardson, as discussed in the back of my book- erred to closely to that Horation "delight and instruct" model I think in sacrificing story and character to "making a POINT"... and does so to the determent of his female characters. Since they didn't gain property rights nearly 100yrs after the novel-- i think we appropriately have issues with him having Miss Howe marry even though the way he himself formed the character in such a way that she is absolutely contrary to it and that Clarissa constantly refuses her help and would only use it as a "last resort".
   
6. Also her view of God is very enlightenment oriented? Maybe... I haven't researched but my gut reaction to her faith is slightly on the pious side- and her instance that anyone can be redeemed is true but only if they claim Jesus esp. if you're going to quote the Bible all the time and attend church- her inability to reform Lovelace for instance is true because he doesn't have the true character of a Christian ie. belief in jesus- and it seems a lot of people in the novel put that on as a cultural ideal and not an actual internal value, which was probably culturally true of the time as it is now- anyway i'm just musing about this one. Though perhaps its a more post/post modern thought that Christianity is more about the relationship to Jesus than it is to a set of rules... which is, I think, a common misinterpretation. But I digress.
7. I liked how we got an update on all the characters after the fact.
   
8. Wished Belford had ended up with Clarissa in the end. Though that seemed more realistic than her wasting away- or him miraculously ending up with Miss Montague. Though I understand you know- there has to be "consequences"...
   
9. Made me love love love letter writing all ALL all over again!
10. Loved Morton taking his revenge as only a man of honor can. I imagine he was totally hot.
    
11. Did I mention I loved "Belford"... and that Clarissa was so right to say, well if you thought what he was doing wrong why didn't you save me? OUCH!
    
12. Clarissa herself I think fell into fits way too much. Though I recognize she was only 18/19- if she'd only eat and stop wearing corsets I think she would've faired much better. And that girl was beezzzy for a teenager. Manger of the house and with a poor fund, then again they didn't have cable so maybe.
    
13. OMG. the Prostitutes! WOH! And how in England at the time it was endemic- and that Lovelace deliberately chose virgins so that he wouldn't get Syphilis. Scandalous... then the whole death scene of that one lady and basically that Lovelace consigned at least 2 of them to prostitution.
    
14. Ok. And the rape! WOH! Tess of the D'ubervilles has nothing on Richardson in terms of scandal- though both of the heroines suffer for not only being raped, they don't get to prosecute and are ripped to shreds by the times they live in. That bummed me out man.
    
15. Alright I'll stop! But it was a long novel- there's so much more! It's the one downfall of reading these epics outside a seminar class. . . so I will say au revoir for now-- (did i also mention that i loved trying to figure out the french! I totally failed at latin.) Just making me think about the book made me love it all over again. Sigh.
    

Aimee: points, counter points??

Weird Facts Wednesday, by M

It's been a slow week of miscellaneous fact finding information but recent searches included:

Tiger claws can expand to about 4". Their canines can be the length of your middle finger. And they have the bite force of 1000psi.

I am tired of researching about bulls... I mean all I can find about their horns is that they're sharp. How sharp? I have no idea... probably as a knife... but still there's no conclusive information out there.

And I'm a little itchy about having the typhoid virus floating around in my system. Go-super power-immunity-go!

Your Guide to Summer Fare, by M

These are the times I test Pen's love of me. It's a wonder we unite on anything with our Tv tastes... even worse now that we have no common interest shows to unite us. Ah, trying times. I don't know if I can narrow it down to June specifically but currently my top picks for all things media,

WHAT to WATCH:

• Law&Order: Criminal Intent. It doesn't get better than the slightly manic Robert Goren and as a plus for you StC fans, Chris Noth. The ladies have sass and are awesome to watch as well.
• Kathy Griffin: My life on the D-List. She's got a biting sarcasm and wit and I dig her candid nature.
• RENO:911: Everything I watch has to be hyphenated. And besides its crasser moments, there's some eccentric awesome comedy to be had.
• Monk: He'll be back in July. I'm loyal even though ever since Sharona left it's become a bit characterless and with the death of the actor that played his shrink I'm sorta bummed. I'm on the fence with this one.

Bonus watch:

• PSYCH. It's camp but completely charming.
• Dirty Jobs, Deadliest Catch: Wry humor, weirdness and men. Why not.
• UNTAMED&UNCUT: Hello, I work on it. Watch it people.
• Southpark Reruns.

NETFLIX: Cue it UP

1. Cadfael Mysteries: Byzantine monk solves mysteries. Saweet!
2. Slings and Arrows: British Shakespeare Theatre Trope. Reliving all things theatre.
3. Six Feet Under: Season3: I'm seasonably behind but loving it.
4. Weeds 3: (may save this one for later. It's at the bottom of the que currently but I will probably want a little spice with my dash of death come July.
5. Smattering of documentaries, independents, comedies, series work and period pieces.

WHAT TO READ: randomness...

• Helen of Troy: A new retelling on all things titillating and classic.
• The Clever Woman of the Family (brought to you by dodo press)
• The Mill on the Floss (Eliot)
• Green Dolphin Street

Backups for extreme boredom:

• HULU.com
• WB.beta test
• Netflix Watch Now
• Going outside emergency trip list: sailing, seaweed collecting, tanning, working in the garden.