hey babe,

it was an odd day. i dont know. i'm not feeling spiral oriented exactly but eh. just eh. maybe just a long come down from the enthusiasm of volleyball and the busyness of last weekend. and after all today is wednesday. not even a weekend. so maybe that was throwing things a bit too. i didn't want to go to a beach on the otherside of the island and so didn't have an orbit to get sucked into and apparently i was left floating into space. and then doing bad math about when our next random break was which is exactly 7wks away when i'll have a week to be bored? i dont know. i'm really going to have to come up with a plan. i thought about going to japan but i've been spending a bit too much this month and a week there would do some damage to the downward trend not to mention the won not doing well anyway... like my eating habits in the last 2 wks. along with a lack of water. i mean i'm here but now i have "goals".

so today, i went hiking and that was good. (messy warmth and growth and vertical challenge and time with God) and then my enthusiasm for independent travel sort of tanked into an inefficient mess of wandering and being completely noncommital with myself. nothing really appealed. i thought i would go see a movie- when it came down to it: wrong times, too many people, not quite the right movie, but i did go to at least 2 movie theatres just to stare into space trying to convince myself it was something i should do. i went to see where the foreigner clinic was in shin: i walked right by it because i just didn't want to go inside, i kept walking, to the next unsuccessful event, though eventually on my way home, got off the bus, to see the hospital mostly quiet bcs of the holiday and reluctantly peeked in just to see the layout and then left just as fast to catch the next bus home. the two sure things after the hike were my enjoyment and eventual regret of the frap (cool tasty relief/too much sugar) and that the ipod battery hung on long enough to let me listen to the book both coming and going from shin where i did nothing at all for hours, but walk and reject things i thought about doing so suredly hours before. i did have a good lunch in btw. i suppose the day took a turn around 130. i was back by 6. it was amazing how much i failed to do in that amount of time. i probably should've turned around after lunch and went to sleep on the beach. but they're bulldozing it for summer? or uh? somesuch?

anyway- i think overall i just kept expecting something- to run into someone, for something to catch my eye, for something outoftheordinary to happen? maybe? so hard to say.

oh and i have a veracose vein, and my cat's in heat again... shocking. oh also- woh to your snake story?! i'll uh, pretend it made it out alive. i remember as a kid at my school people flipping out and killing snakes- it always made me a bit sad- they were always harmless gopher snakes... now the one time the guy killed the rattlesnake with a shovel and then cooked it at camp...i mean ok... and no words for fake recycling. it's like you've discovered the other reality neo. just know that i'm having to ocd trash it for you- white bags we buy for combustible "trash trash", the compost bag which is foul and dumped into an equally foul bin, and then the paper bin, and then the plastics/metal/glass bin... so yah.

also also, trying not to fear the humidity and yet i do. you know i do. dread. non-evaporative non-coolingness. it comes. it comes. the weekend promises to be warm. and though the battery on my new/used phone is acting up i did finally acclimate to wi-fi access. small victories.

ok enough- my love,
xoxo, m.

pen-

i was restless today. well after taking the time to crew cut the 20+ft hedge front to back. i see daylight in it's yet to be filled in spots which would've made me sad in years past but i'm trying to get better at that whole reining in nature thing... i didn't quite have the energy to consolidate the debris so the nursery has huge mounds of basket weaving material all over- though serves them right for putting hiabiscus near us which got to shaded and then developed whitefly which in turn effected like 5 other plants on our premises, and it's not quite finished on the left side but i need supervision as i'm cutting near a phone line. intermittently my life did flash before my eyes as i took the vista in around me while balancing the humming rotating blades in my hand. but there really wasn't anything to see and there was no transcendent breeze hitting my face either. i did keep telling myself sarcastically, yah, go ahead cut toward yourself with the electric hedgetrimmer. go ahead, do it. i am such an ass. besides it has way worse consequences when i cut fruit toward myself trying to undo years of mom and home EC, and then i went to shower and have lunch. and i managed not to once fall to my death. or hack anything that wasn't hedge. and now i'm all clean and fed and sparkly with nothing to do.

so out of boredom i went to get a latte. and now i'm all twitchy from caffeine-- i vetoed returning my moms purchase to target because i knew i'd buy something more expensive than a latte. and that's where i am. the day just sort of took an unsatisfactory turn in the last 4 hours. i should've gone back outside. that's where my energy was. wandering around the house and thinking about things to pack hasn't been fruitful. i spruced up the artroom, and whatever.. but eh. i need to get rid of the tv (20" boulder. couldn't i buy a small flat screen when i get back? or? no? i mean cuz that would be spending money...) and the printers i've decided... or should i keep one of them? i mean i can't decide. (1 lazer printer 1color printer 1possibly badnozzle color printer) ach. oh and a letter from citbank  to tell me-- $15 per month i don't have $6000 in my account. are you KIDDING ME?!  so now i have to break up with them. totally blows. sure i owe them money but uh...yah. i can't afford $15 either.canNOT. whatassholes.

anyway, i have that korea skype tonight. i'm thinking december and if there isn't anything in busan i'm not sure i'm willing to wait. i could always move mid year. lose my bonus and start again... decisions decisions. or first year seoul. second year busan? hummm. allright i better go. i have more wandering around aimlessly to fit in and dinner and well not much else but still.