anyway, contributing to the malaise of feb/march was my visit to my great grandmothers house- which is in a poor and super-urbanized part of LA. there's something wonderful about it still standing though in most breaths i say, "abomination" and make a wide biblical sweeping motion with my right hand. they bought it for 1,000 or so in 1918... and it's still standing. my great-grandmother's house was my favorite place in the world to my memory- velvet drapes, closed drawing rooms i couldn't enter, rikety stairs, lace curtains, sprigs of flowers, and one exploration of hazy summer butterflies after another. and when i think about 
it, it's like taking a fresh breath in a stagnant and ordinary smog. so of course encountering the reality of time and neglect, there is very little to add but a sad nostalgia. luckily i only had my 
camera phone with me, as i hadn't seen the house since i was a kid it was a spontaneous visit, it gives the stark grit of concrete and sagging stucco a gentle blur which makes the pain and ruination of art almost bearable. the form still survived- i said, as i drove by and stopped, wow, there it is... and the house next to it too- wow. huh. huh. i thought. i want to somehow print out the old pictures and mail them to the current owners... explain to them what it could all look like again if they wanted... maybe break up the cement island and plant grass... maybe? that would be a start. and then the bars on the windows... possibly? like a nice letter encouraging them to care.i don't know.
next up is a brief pondering on my tea and magic castle visit.
