I was going to wait to relate this to you when the "test results" came. But I'll tell you now- so that it'll build in a beautiful anticipation. Do i qualify? The thought of not getting into Mensa is only slightly less disappointing then not following in the footsteps of Geena Davis. But it does go to prove my point that I'm only skirting on the upper eschilon of intelligence, alas, so goes the pattern of my life.
The day started with a little flutter. I was soon to realize that I need more challenge. 2 years out of a lifetime of education, by degrees I became stupid. Study has its worthy purpose, perhaps only that you will sound more intelligent when discoursing about something. But why not? Isn't it time to learn french? or take a figure drawing class. Everyonceandawhile I deliberately study things that are blows to my intelligence, my skill- i like it. Why not?
But MENSA>The Purpose of Mensa is... 'To identify and foster human intelligence for the benefit of humanity' 'To provide a stimulating intellectual and social environment for its members' 'To encourage research into the nature, characteristics, and uses of intelligence' ... hummm. That's not why I want to join.... and if I qualify would I join? I wanted to do this because ... I was bored. I'm a narcissist. I want to find a Mensa husband? Mmm. That's more like it.
The test was on the caltech campus. Very pretty. I couldn't find a map but a pond had 3 signs that said the same thing. I did eventually find the building- and I was sitting across from a Production Acct that works at Paramount. Nice. Too bad she wasn't a showrunner. I might've had to bail on my boss. We both laughed about the test and took our two free pencils. Not the erasers, as the man named Mr. Felt said. We need the erasers, he said. But the bookmark you can take: "How smart are you?"
I totally bombed the math section- The word problem began something about 8.4 gallons of water and .60 cents for a certain amt. of gas and he's got 50 gallons and I was like fuck, my eyes are blurring- just make up something i don' t care. I don't even actually have the time to- Click. Please put your pencil down. Damn-it!
The test itself was comprised of maybe 7 sections- 15-20 questions, in 5-7 minute incremints with a 12 minute problem solving section with 50 questions that no one but 4 people in this man's run as proctor, have finished. I got to question 35.
They also told us a story and 45 minutes later we had to remember things about it- good thing it was about Greek Drama- knew that degree was going to come in handy. Except when the question was, Did the chorus bow down at the sharp note in the flute or did they just simply stop their wild thronging... uh?
The section before this was most edifying to my ego- words. words. words. what do they mean? somehow i knew biovauc meant encampent even though i didn't know how to use it in a sentence nor pronounce it. Propinquity got me but I can't remember if I actually guessed right or not. My first instinct was correct- nearness, but whether I capitulated to my guess or not I can't remember.
My final thought, besides me, smiling, with a sly smirk as I drove away, with one last glimpse of the school of chemical something something, is that I have OCD about bubbles. Yes, fairly monkish of me but true nonetheless. I have to work hard to ignore the pressure of changing my answers to make a more pleasing pattern- and not only that but the probability that there shouldn't be 3 d's in the row- that gives me endless anxiety.
6 comments:
I can't wait to find out how you scored! Want to take a figure drawing class? I'm up for it.
wow, what brought this on?
maybe next you should try out for jeopardy. at least you can get some money out of it.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
So you want to be a member of MENSA?
yes, this a blatant vanity project. i hold no pretense. on this basis i wouldn’t have told anyone at all but this is just another notch in the line of getting to know me, which, as it is, is a life long project. as my parents failed to give me such tests growing up- i have to do it now as an after thought. plus i feel something has to make up for my abismal SAT scores. i got an 830- sure i laugh about it NOW, but part of me really wants to have qualified into some elitist academic institution. although i admit my extra curriculars were not at all well rounded and i doubt my essays were going to be as focused as they needed to be. (as my friend said, i can’t do it all- but i can certainly try)
so my prequalifying test gave me a “raw score” of 75. and I think, why do i have trouble doing my taxes? now apparently this means i’m in the top 2 precentile, I’m at the bottom of the top 99. and i wonder why i can’t spell. my IQ on this pre-qualifying test is 137. so i note here that I am on the bottom rung of high intelligence. just hanging on by a thread. a tenuous one at that, not unlike a deep dark wide abyss, putting me as i see it, in a no mans zone of being exceedingly smart but not qualifying as genius. i have a touch of pompus ass (clearly) and a dash of eccentricity but really i lack the drive to follow through on all my wunderkind potential- i blame my parents.
now to join MENSA i have to take another “real” test and see if i fall from grace or can improve my score, blaming perhaps my poor performance on a lack of protein, proper sleep or maybe the hum of the computer which i could’ve turned off but it was my clock, my clock. my precious marker of time.
i would feel a little more secure if i wasn’t so close to the bottom. and let’s be honest if we had a national MENSA gathering and someone asked me my IQ i might be a little insecure in acknowledging that it was 137- and not 141, bcs let’s face it that sounds way better. i’d have to skulk to the lower intelligence orders (the table by the kitchen)- and maybe there’d be a surly hot guy there who also joined MENSA because he was bored and jobless one day, and he said well what the fuck man, let’s see what i’m fucking made of... yah. mmm hot smart guys. i can’t wait. then the other downside is occupation. sure i can ask the other smart people if they know of any exceedingly smart jobs and i could say, well do you know of any? and then they would say, why don’t you have one? at which point i’d be stuffing an hor ‘dorouvs(can’t spell) in my mouth and waving them off saying, oh you, what a lark i was joking... not to mention that i can’t speak any other languages. i’m a fucking juggernaut of untapped potential. a wastrel of a human being , an unhappy resource of woe.
as it is i'll contemplate stepping off the precipice of unbridled vanity in the hopes of meeting said hot guy and flying off to his private island (fictional raft not needed). hey hot guy?! are you there?!
"to be genius is to be mad, to be anything else is mediocre."
ps. i can't say what brought this on at this exact moment, but to say that perhaps the universe is propelling me onward, to my destiny. and i'm definitely not smart enough for jeopardy. (see above)
So wait, there's another test if you pass this test? Or was this the other test?
I so want to take a figure drawing class! But they all start at like 5:30 or 6:30 (at least at GCC), and there's that little thing called work. That doesn't always end on time.
French would be cool too! (Or Italian, or Gaelic/Irish/Welsh, or...relearning the Spanish I've forgotten.)
in 4th grade i scored a 138 on an iq test. we're iq sisters!
Sarah, I bow to your intelligence. But let's see, this isn't official. I was only unofficially intelligent. I will have to find another test, for another time if I fail this one in order to vindicate my superiority. You perhaps mayalso want to look into Mensa due to said Hot Mensa Guys- this is not proven however, only imagined.
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